these words

I eluded to this a bit {the day before} yesterday, but I think I need to get my thoughts on this topic out of my head and onto a place where I can process them and see them.  goal setting.

I suck at making goals.  how do I know this?  well, I don't often complete my goals.  as far as I can see, it has more to do with my creation of a good or smart goal than anything else.  and really, it's not that I suck at writing up a good goal - I do this professionally all the time.  it's part of what I do for my kids on a term to term basis.  in fact, I write two goals, each with three objectives, for each of my students.  then I monitor their progress.  so why can't I do this on a personal level?  yeah.  good question.  so this is what I've been exploring the last few days.  I want to lose weight.  I want to walk a half marathon.  I want to pay off a credit card.  I want.  I want.  I want.  but I never really make a plan, and definitely never talk about the plan.  I have become who I've been told I am.   but oddly enough, it's not really who I am.

so at almost 39 years old, I am going to actively work to change this.  and strangely enough, this half marathon + no sugar dealy thing are the two things that are going to change a few things.  I am tired.  tired of giving up on myself.  and as I tell my kids at school, I am the only person with the power to change my behaviour, even if it's 30+ years of bad-habit-bad-self-talk behaviour.  what does have to do with goal setting?  for me, everything.  it's time to set some good/smart goals.  and it's time to just decide that all my energy is going towards achieving them.

the goal:
1.  it is 8 weeks until my birthday.  I want to be down 10 pounds by my birthday.  that is a little over a pound a week.  and down 10 from where I am now puts me over my elusive psychological hump.  the number on the scale that I don't EVER recall seeing in my adult life.

the plan:
a)  follow my walking schedule like it's no ones business.  do my long walks with my mom & sister and do my short walks {unless the weather is awful} so that I get my kms on my shoes.  on the days when john is working nights, I will do my workout dvd - it's not walking, but it's exercise.

b)  continue eating clean, following weight watchers and eating little to no sugar.  this past week I've had very little sugar and the sugar I did have was either accidental or natural {honey, agave, etc}.  when I keep this up at about the 90-95% level, my belly feels MUCH better and I have more energy.  I have not been so regimental about my carbs this time around, but I am being conscious of them and it's helping my bloaty-belly-icky-gassy-gross thing that apparently I've been living with WAY too long and only realized how awful that was when it was gone.  I don't want that back.  {and here in lies a big part of my motivation with this eating style...life's too short to feel this icky all the time}  part of this is also cutting back my alcohol intake.  one glass of wine is good enough.  john and I don't need to finish the bottle.

the goal:
2.  it is 14 weeks until the half marathon.  I want to be down 25 pounds by then.  and I want to do it in 3 hours {the half, not the losing weight!!}

the plan:
a)  follow the walking schedule religiously {same as above!}
b)  continue with eating clean {same as above!}
c)  reward myself with a really cute lululemon hoodie that I saw today.

bottom line is:  if you fail to plan, you plan to fail.  clean eating, cutting out booze, walking half marathons - these all take a lot of hard work and planning.  so I guess I'll be showing up at the party with my salad or quinoa and perhaps I'll have a bit less margarita.  and that's okay.  for once, I'm realizing that I'm worth it.  and that I can do this.