blah.

it's monday night and I feel like I've been slammed to the ground by a mack truck.  the congestion that has hit my head in the last 24 hours is unbelievable.  I knew I was going to get sick...that's what happens when you don't get proper sleep for a week due to a mysterious illness that plagues the bellies of three year olds [chances are, it's constipation, but who knows if I'm being played or not!].

on a posititve note, I am officially down 12.2 lbs.  and my blue jeans are seeing a tighter belt.  I am terrified to try on any of my smaller fitting clothes, in case I am horribly disappointed or that I wake up from the dream and everyone is laughing at me.  strange, I know.  I could be pms'ing on top of it and you know, those days are always fat days even if you weigh 102 pounds.  whatever.  maybe this saturday I will try on some other jeans and see how things are fitting.  at this rate, being at least 20lbs lighter [from the beginning weight] is looking doable for the first weekend in may:  marathon weekend!  flights are booked, hotels are being booked, I still need to register, but hey, that can wait a week or so!  now I just need to start training.  it is encouraging thought, that I should be legitimately below 200lbs on marathon day.  that alone is a good, good thing for my speed and endurance.  exciting!

well, I should be asleep - but I am still waiting for the drugs to kick in.  I seriously hope both kids have a good night and don't wake up.  if not for them, then for me.  okay, for me all the way.

I get my hair cut tomorrow.  things are good.  

xoxo

a trial

ty & I created a video podcast tonight.  it's uploaded on the beginning stages of what may be, someday, a new website!  check it out here:  life according to ty

AND...I finally have voicemail that works.  love the girl at rogers working in ontario at 3am.  

AND...I am contemplating a draw.  if you watch the video, leave me a comment and then I will pick a number and send out a little something :o)  [deadline on Friday @ 3pm]

xoxo

today I am smarter

1.  so.  today I am officially down 10.8 pounds.  my jeans should be looser.  as much as I don't really feel a big difference, I feel a big difference.  I have more energy and I just think having 10 less pounds stuck to my ass is a really good thing.  that is equivalent to 10 pounds of butter.  or bananas. or a REALLY large baby.  there was a girl at the meeting today - down 102 pounds.  for real.  stories like that are the reason I keep going.  although I still have 16 pounds until I reach where I was the spring/summer of 2007, I feel more in control of myself than I did then.  I trust myself more.  

2.  I got to meet erwin mcmanus yesterday.  I went to his session on leadership and a few things stuck with me.  everything I do should be to bring out the best in the people around me.  the best in humanity.  christ did that.  churches should be doing it.  I want to value people for their uniqueness.  I want to help people in my life dream big and be the best they can be.  I am reading his new book.  I'll let you know how I like it!

3.  I've been going weekly to the mac [computers, not makeup] store for my one-to-one training [thanks to my brother for the gift card!].  today I learned how to create a podcast.  hehehe.  and then I learned how to do a video podcast and add it to my website [which is seriously under construction, because I hit a snag!].  I love my mac.  I love knowing how to be smarter with it.  now I just need to bang it around a bit and get my camera working again.  I don't love the green screen that is photobooth!

4.  I took third place in the poker game last night.  won my money back.  trust me, this is a big deal.  I am AWFUL at poker.

5.  I did a note-tag-thingy on facebook.  I don't usually do them, but enjoyed it!  more so, I enjoy reading everyone else's!  I *heart* facebook.

a few things...

I cannot take the credit for some of these - the owl card is Elsa, the sheep is Felice, the glitter/pink is Colinda and the coffee cup is Annette.  the rest are mine, however I am reluctant to take full credit for those either, since everything I do is a shmozzle of ideas from all sorts of sources!

enjoy!  oh, and most of the supplies are SU! [just incase you're wondering!]

cool beans

so I got to cross something off my list tonight.  I got to meet LGen. Romeo Dallaire.  and hear him speak.  and he autographed my copy of his book.  okay, so I wasn't alone.  there were a couple of hundred of people in the room and I had to stand in line to get my book autographed, but still, I was with paul and audra and we were in the front row.  it was all good.  and he said that I had a nice name [and before you all say it, I know, he probably says that to everyone].  regardless, although having coffee with him is on my list of things I'd like to do before I get to old to put two words together [which somedays feels like today], I was happy to have met him and enjoy an hour or so of his session.

I am half way through his book - Shake Hands with the Devil.  it's a difficult book to read and the message tonight was equally as difficult.  what makes me more or less human than anyone else that lives on this planet?  it kinda goes back to my word of 2009.  am I a person that breathes life or sucks life.  gives life or takes it.  are some humans more human than others?  questions to ponder as I sit in the kitchen in my very comfortable country, my canada.  my voice must be heard.  the life I can give must be given.  the hope I can bring must be my mission.  I refuse to sit and do nothing.

there is a scripture in micah 6:8 that is my motto for this phase of my life:  He has showed you, O man, what is good.  And what does the LORD require of you?  To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.  act justly.  love mercy.  walk humbly.  this is what is required of me.

down 8.8

you heard it.  -8.8 in 7 weeks.  I am feeling pretty proud of myself right now.  I had a feeling that this week was going to be big [-3.4 this week], but I really didn't want to get my hopes up.  but there was something about how my jeans were fitting last night that felt more baggy then 2 days post-wash-shrinking-jeans-thing.  ANYWAYS, I know darn well it's not just about my eating and the work I am doing daily ['cause MAN, it's hard some days - like when there are 3 cakes in the bloody staff room for staff meeting], but a big difference this time is about the support I am getting from all the people who are surrounding me with this.  THANK YOU!!!  seriously, I didn't have babies that were 8.8lbs, so it's like I was carrying a large-ish baby and now it's gone.

and, in other news...my house is clean, I made some cards, I am off to make some beds and fold more laundry, then head to the mac [apple, not makeup] store for some one-to-one with evan.  a good weekend.  I'll take some pics of my creations, I promise and I will post them as soon as I can!

the word

so susan did a thing on her blog where she picked a word for 2009.  I saw this and spent some time thinking about it before choosing my 2009  word.

as I sit here writing this, I just noticed that it's in the title of my blog!  in fact, the sermon that dean preached today was pretty much on this topic and in fact, inspired my word.  freaky strange.  okay, only to me.

life.

that's my word.  life [there's 36 definitions - I just chose a couple!]:  the course of existence or sum of experiences and actions that constitute a person's existence. animation; liveliness; spirit.  resilience.  a person or thing that enlivens.  effervescence or sparkle.

I guess the whole purpose of this is the why.  why does this matter?  well, I feel that I don't always choose life.  I don't always choose life with my words or with my actions.  I yell at my kids, I am sarcastic, I swear.  I choose death with my mouth.  I know that above all, I don't choose life for myself.  I don't care for my spirit.  or my body.  I choose death every time I overeat.  every time I decide to be so busy.  every time I stay up too late.  every time I binge on chocolate.  some of you may think that I am being hard on myself.  I know that this is not always the case, there are lots of times that I choose life [more so as of late!]; but I do know the condition of my heart and it is naturally sinful.  so, from this moment on, I choose life.  I choose to live in a way that breaths life into the people around me.  I choose to breathe life into my children.  into my students.  into my husband.  into my friends.  into myself.

oh, and on another note - I currently owe yvonne $54 for my clothing fund!

-4 in 5

so I think I said it before here, but I've been going to weight watchers for the last while. today marks the end of my fifth week [I think!]. two weeks ago I thought I was crazy to do this during christmas, turns out it was probably the best thing ever. the first week, I lost 1.4, the second and third week canceled each other out with a -.8 and a +.8, last week I lost .2 and this week, I was down 2.4 for a total of 4 lbs down in total. although I am not totally at my goal of -1 per week, I figure I can cut myself a wee bit of slack because I did this all over the christmas break. yeah me! it was really quite devastating the fist week when I stepped on the scale and saw a number that I have never seen before. but, I am committing a full year to this program in the hopes of losing a pound a week [so, 52 lbs!] and gaining some "never seen in my life since I was 15" thinness, and more importantly gaining some healthy lifestyle changes that will carry me into my 40s. along side of this, since clothing seems to be my hugest shopping thing, and hey, I really like some of my clothes, I am going to put aside $10 for every pound I lose so that when I get to my goal weight, I will be able to makeover my wardrobe with some lucky brand jeans and a pair of leather boots.  okay, well maybe not the exact ones I linked to, but you get the idea.

so, saturday is weigh in day - I will continue to share with you my journey and I hope you will continue to support me as you all do!!

xoxo

new catty, new catty, new catty

a sneak peek...
I am LOVING the accessories...crocheted flowers, corduroy buttons, BEAUTIFUL paper, orange ric-rak. mmmmm. yum-o! my order is going in on Jan 19th. happy, happy!

potty training

so today is the day. tyrone calvin fraser needs to start using the toilet. today. it is out of pure stubbornness that he doesn't. he knows how, he does it occasionally, but really he wants to have a pull-up on. he's lazy and stubborn. so much like his mother. grrr. so this morning, conveniently, we were out of pull-ups so I pulled out some new spiderman underwear and started the whole process. well, he refuses to wear the underwear, put his pj bottoms back on - commando style. that's my kid. john is heading to the 7-11 to get bribe material - round, colourful gum...the candy of choice for my wee ty. it's going to be a LONNNNNGGGG day!

I spent yesterday in my pj's. the whole day. no shower, no nothing. by 10:00 last night I looked and smelled GROSS!! however, my day of nothingness has meant that I've kicked the cold to the curb. I feel MUCH better. much more human. in my "loungingness" yesterday, I watched 2 movies. the first was a movie called "Once" - an irish musical-ish story. not great. not awful. the previews in it, however, lead to movie number two: "the Namesake". WOW. this was a great movie. the guy in house, who was also in Harold & Kumar was in it - and very good.



definitely worth watching. I was desperate, and in my pj's, so I just rented it from itunes. a good $5 spent on my lazy, pajama day! this is kinda my last day of Christmas vacation, if you don't count the weekend. I am feeling like I got nothing done and my plan to go into school for a day, kinda got derailed by illness. I do need to go in, we'll see how the day leads!

HAPPY NEW YEARS!!

well, in and out without much flair. my kind of new years eve.

is it a bad thing [in a symbolic way] to have baileys in my coffee this morning? I don't think so, but it did occur to me that it may be an odd way to start the year. I didn't drink at all last night [cold meds would have messed that up big time!], so I am feeling a slight sense of entitlement! so, raise your coffee cup with me and toast the new year! CHEERS! [hard to make eye contact over a computer, but you get the idea!]

I am making french toast for breakfast - and have some photos to show for it! okay, so not pictures of the actual french toast, but of my kids doing what they do best:

2008 in review

so my friend Mike did a photo review on facebook - and a stellar job of it, I may add. it got me thinking that I should do a year in review - but I can't really remember what happened in January or February. mmmmm. I love being over 35. maybe I can make a video montage.

January - March: I seriously don't remember. I know that seems rather odd to some of you, I know darn well that it is very normal for others of you. I can guarantee that I was busy with work [because that NEVER changes!!]. was easter in March or April? not sure, but here's an easter picture!



April: I went to Palm Springs with my sisters and my mom [my dad was there too!!]; Marcy & Madi flew in from Mexico and I had 36 hour overlap with them! In addition, John & I celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary. "celebration" is a bit of a hyperbole. I think we may have spent 5 minutes together that day! However, I did do one whole scrapbook page with wedding pictures this year. yeah me!



May: okay, so this was a pretty big deal. I walked the Vancouver half-marathon with my mom & Joy. absolutely no pictures of this. the pictures that were taken were awful. not to mention, I didn't take them, so they are no where. hehehe! oh, and soccer started for the boys - John coached again!



June: well, Ty turned 3. still not potty trained. I think at this point it's a mom issue and not so much a ty issue. also in June, I got my application in for the leadership course. I almost didn't apply. and Steph moved out into her own place.

July & August: we kicked off the summer with a big Canada Day party for the boys birthdays. I turned 36. Nate turned 6. Susan had a baby [yeah, Izzy!] I took a road trip to Canmore with Audra. I went to SLC with Erika for the Stampin' Up! convention. I went to the lake with the boys and to the farm to see Aunty Coralee! and then it was back to school to get organized for the fall.






September: yeah, I don't really remember this either. LOL Nate started kindergarten. Chad moved in with us. I got my acceptance letter for LED and general chaos began again!



October - December: I started my LED course, started a student achievement project, wrote an article review, I wrote a kazillion IPPs, report cards were in there too, parent-teacher interviews [as both the teacher AND the parent], Christmas concerts, John's birthday, a weekend trip to Calgary [the BEST move evah!], conducted interviews then wrote a paper on it, sick kids, sick mom, stamp nights, piano recital, home reading, Remembrance Day [planning the whole gosh-darn thing], PHEW!!! I don't know what else was in there...oh yeah! and Coralee had her baby!!



and today. silence [okay, so I can hear John snoring over the sound of the dishwasher, but general silence!]. although it's been a busy year, it's been generally good. no major illnesses. no major hoop-ups. no major disasters.

the song in my head

I can't seem to get it out.

click here to get it stuck in your head too...

merry christmas

I hope you had a splendid day - we did. got some good vid footage of the boys in their new hoodies. I will try to upload. if it works, great. if not - it's on my facebook page! I actually remembered to take some photos' as well, so I will try to get some of those posted this weekend. so crazy how fast it goes eh?



do I dare believe that it's working???? if so, my wee flip cam may be worth it's weight in gold! I could vidblog. eek! even more of me. okay, kinda scary. maybe just more of my kidlets for now! maybe I could talk about the gift fun that was today/yesterday. nate got a ds for christmas, ty got a leapster2. my kids have turned into gaming monsters. and they are loving it. nate especially. he is at the age where learning responsibility is super important and this is "THE" toy to reinforce all that teaching. we talked today about where it goes, how it is stored, how to treat it. all good. the boys also got a huge stuffed zebra from my mom and dad - totally crazy, but kinda cool! they've been riding it, playing "knights", playing "horse", playing "starwars" [not too sure how the zebra fits...]. hopefully I survive the weekend, and I really hope the weather improves so I can kick them both outside tomorrow for some fresh air.

anyways, it's late. my vid uploaded. woohoo! and tomorrow is brunch with friends/family in celebration of a true canadian holiday - BOXING DAY!!!

xoxo

the crazy that is me

december, well really this whole fall, has been more insane than I could have imagined. I am so thankful that I made it through in one piece - there was a couple of times through october and november that I was questioning all of it. the course I was taking was a lot of work on a couple of levels. first, it was just a lot of extra work - projects, papers, professional reading, classes. but more importantly it was a lot of emotional work. I have been so indecisive about the direction I want to take in my career and completely baffled about my purpose as a mom, wife, teacher...all those important roles that define my life. that's perhaps been the problem - I've been really busy "doing" life and I've not really been connecting with my life. how oprah of me, eh? well, this fall has brought to light a few things. 1. I want an admin position. 2. I need to wait until ty is in school before I pursue further schooling. 3. I need to take care of me - mind, body, soul. 4. I really love my husband. 5. I don't want to turn off my life - I want to spend more time enjoying it. I spent even less time than normal with my friends, my support network. bad move. I gained 5 pounds and haven't worked out in FOREVER. was it worth it? don't know if I can answer that. I have good friends - friends that understand, support, get the lack of phone calls and coffee dates, but I also know that I don't want to ever abuse that generosity. I started at weight watchers a couple of weeks ago, so I feel like I am back on track in the health/weight department and I will figure out the whole workout thing in the new year! my kids are going to take some time - some love smothering will need to be the focus of the next two weeks - my wee ty was not a happy camper with the lovely schedule I was keeping.

so, my plan for my break: SCRAPBOOK!! send out Christmas cards [better late than never, right?], have coffee with some friends, get a pedi, potty train ty, drink wine, read some good books, lose 4 pounds, watch some tv...reconnect with some people that I'd like to spend some time with - good for the soul.

the end is near!

2 more weeks until christmas vacation - a couple of blissful days of complete rest. then the flurry of activity that is christmas. regardless, my shopping is basically done and my course is 2 classes from being done. i really can't complain. as busy as it's been as of late, there have been some highlights...I will try to "top 10" them!

1. Nate had his piano recital last monday. I've birthed a rock star. seriously, [and I am COMPLETLY biased!], my kid kicked butt on the ol' piano. Love him.



2. the house is decorated for Christmas. I like it this year - lot's of red & white & silver. LOVE!
3. have I told you about my robot? we got an irobot a couple of months ago - best investment in house cleaning ever!
4. I went to weight watchers for the first time ever. need a kick in the pants.
5. If the kids at school fill one more HUGE box for the food bank, I'll be dying my hair hot pink.
6. I went to H&M today and got my kids some long sleeved t-shirts, since nothing fits Nate right now.
7. I did a curb crash with my car on tuesday - slid into the curb off a piece of ice. $1200 later...yeah. love.
8. I have Christmas cards all made, don't know where all my addresses are.
9. we are hosting 2 Christmas parties in the next week or so - my work party & our "small group" party. thank God for the robot.
10. my kids really believe in santa. grrr. I have tried to fix this - no such luck.

and a few more pics - random things!

remember me?

yeah, neither do I!

HOW Y'ALL DOIN'??? so the busy life is beginning to subside, just a touch - and the end is in sight. only four or five more weeks until christmas, and that really signals the end of the insanity. all is well. my course is going well - I am truly enjoying it, and learning a lot, but the pace has been a bit crazed. oh well, just a project to finish/report on and literature reviews to type up, after my IPPs get finished!

so I went to a thing tonight, with my old friend brenda - she's NOT old, we've just known each other for some time - and it's a thing that really has coincided with a unit I just started with my kids at school: slavery. [oh, and erika, I have a serious list of books going for you! will send it SOON!] well, this thing I went to tonight deals with justice and modern day slavery and all the horrible things that, to be honest, just pissed me off BIG TIME. needless to say, IJM is doing some great work in many different countries and for the first time, I met an organization that is doing something about injustice in our world.

on another note, john & I went to calgary last weekend for his birthday and had an awesome time. we got almost all our christmas shopping done and just had a great time hanging out. and considering how busy things have been, it was a good time just to have an adult conversation with the wonderful man I married. he really is a good guy, and for that I am SO thankful. so, for your [or should I say my?] viewing pleasure, a picture of my dear love [oh, and some of the kidlets!].

I like success

well, really, who doesn't??? LOL

although time seems to be passing by at some sort of insane rate, today was opportunity to slow down and reflect. we held our remembrance day ceremony at school today and I was pleased with how it went [being the co-planner, I had a vested interest!!!]. it really was opportunity to pause and think about those abroad today, and those who paved the way before. We had a veteran from WWII come and speak to the kids - it was unfortunate that I didn't have more time to spend with him, or to take some pictures of him with the kids. needless to say, today was one of those days where I am thankful for my job, thankful for the kids I teach, thankful for the colleagues I work will, and above all, thankful for those who have fought for a country where I can worship freely, vote, speak my opinions, and raise my children how I see fit.

and, if I can get it working, I'll include my updated version of O Canada! yeah, THAT's not wanting to happen...I love plan B! yeah, even plan B is giving me grief!

good thing there's always tomorrow!

adoption

so I have to talk about adoption at church on sunday. I am going to use my lovely blog as a way to type it all out and get it fleshed out - I'd love the feedback, if you are willing to share!

Ephesians 1 says: Long before he laid down earth's foundations, he had us in mind, had settled on us as the focus of his love, to be made whole and holy by his love. Long, long ago he decided to adopt us into his family through Jesus Christ. (What pleasure he took in planning this!).

this piece of scripture reminds brings to mind the whole concept of adoption - the choosing of someone to join your family. the process of adoption is so significantly different from the 9 months of pregnancy. pregnancy is such an intimate, memorable process, yet generally uncontrollable. and let's be honest, those of us who have birthed children are just happy that they are cute because THAT process HURTS! adoption on the other hand, adoption is opportunity to choose. adoption is never random. never an accident. never the unintentional result of passionate night with someone whose name you may or may not recall. adoption is "on purpose". adoption is choosing to focus your love on someone because of want, out of desire to bring an individual into family.

this concept is close to my heart, as it is part of my family. I am the oldest of 6 children in my family: there are 4 natural children and 2 adopted. those of you that know my family, know that my parents are generous, kind, wonderful people - people who saw a need and took in children not out of obligation, but out of love. the circumstances of the adoption of both my brother and my sister are enormously different. my brother was in a situation of extreme neglect and physically handicapped. my sister had been well cared for, but needed a home where her deafness could be assisted. in my family, as in all families, nothing is perfect. the big, open hearts of my mom and dad have come with a price - time, money, emotion, love. and the children that they adopted have been more complex and intense in their needs than any of us could have imagined.

recently I have meet another family that so desires to adopt a child, a child who is currently a foster child living with them. as I spoke to the father on the phone this week, I was so moved by his passion and his love for this child that his wife and him want to give a permanent, stable, loving home for. and as I sat down to write this, a recent episode of House came to mind. the scene of when the mother of a newborn, tells Dr. Cuddy that she's changed her mind about giving her child up for adoption. the anguish that Cuddy felt in that moment was that of grief and death.

I say all this to say this. before the creation of the universe, your adoption was planned. he had us in mind. he chose all of mankind for this complex and wonderful plan. he loved us so completely that he wanted to, willingly and sacrificially, bring us into his family. to focus his love on us. not just a chosen few, but all mankind. all people. every single person. before the beginning of time he decided to focus his love on you. like adoption, there was no off-chance, no mistakes, just choice. a desire to bring everyone of us into his family. and not under obligation, as if he's saying "oh, I have to go and create a rescue plan YET AGAIN", but with great pleasure and joy! he chose each of us. He called each of us. he is like the foster parent saying to the neglected child, "I want to give you a home and peace and love...forever". with open hearts, asking to adopt us with all our disabilities and struggles, all of our sinful nature still holding on. with such grief and despair and heaviness when that hope and plan for adoption is taken away. pre-destination is not about who is in and who is out, but everyone human soul being chosen before time. every person being the focus of God's love. every person being on His mind. every person being thought of with intent. with purpose. how profound. I am awed by that love. and so thankful that he had me in mind. and has always been choosing me. and you.

MIA

sorry I've been MIA the last week or so. the busyness is catching up to me and now that I have a voice and am over the whole hacking-up-lung issue, I am actually able to get some work done. this week I need to start/finish my ipps [15 in total, plus another 30 goals]; not complicated, just time consuming. I have 3 interviews to conduct, and a paper to write as a result, a school project to implement, a speech/thingy to write for church on sunday, music practice on thursday night, 2 showers on the weekend [WOOHOO!! BABIES!!!!!] and in the next three weeks, report cards and 2 5-page papers. not to mention the marking and teaching that normally gets done in my day. HOWEVER. [phew, there is a however!!] next weekend John & I are going to calgary. just the two of us. for two whole days. no kids. no work. just shopping. this makes me happy!

so, although there is nothing inspiring to report, no great books read ['cause lets be honest, you don't really want a review on the books I've been reading - assessment data is just not that exciting!] and not even any scrap booking to share, I appreciate that all my friend get my schedule and are so kind and gracious about the whole thing that is my life. I don't say it enough, but I really appreciate everyones patience. especially the patience that you need to be my friend.

xoxo!