day one

man I got a lot done today. kids closets purged, some toys gone, dusting done and then the robot did his job. had a friend over for lunch. I walked to starbucks and back [5.2 km]. and that wee walk is the issue I am currently having.

MY LEGS HURT!! yeah, I was just blogging to complain. this whole exercise thing had better pay off. my goal is to walk or do some other form of vigorous exercise everyday this week. I started on saturday with 3k in less than 30 minutes [some of that was running]. yesterday it was an hour at the track with rae. and today. well, I think I need an advil!! all I can say is that this whole plan had better pay off. tomorrow it's off to a class in the morning. wednesday, another walk. thursday...well, maybe some damn lunges in the basement with some even more lovely squats and maybe a plank or two. blah. and it's suppose to snow again. wow. life in edmonton is GREAT!

24 is mere minutes away.

me & my ty

ty is such a wonderful kid. a kid that drives me around the bend, but his personality makes me laugh so hard. I don't always get a lot of alone time with him, mainly because nate demands so much of my attention...BUT, when I do get those few times, I so enjoy it. tonight, we took some pictures and recorded a video. enjoy!

oh, and in other news, I was up .6 this week. all this up and down business is driving me crazy. however, I have walked the last 2 days and am challenging myself to walk at least 30 minutes every day of spring break. I am going to work this a$$ off if it kills me. this way, if the scale doesn't move this week, the measuring tape sure will.

xoxo

a trip to the mall

okay, so that's not really out of the ordinary. actually stepping foot into sephora - okay, ordinary as well. I went in to get another of purity [see picture] - the BEST facial cleaner of all times and walked out with a bottle of THIS: the microdelivery exfoliating wash.

now, I use purity rather religiously. I love that it's fairly gentle on my skin and that it's shower worthy - I can just lather up my face in the shower, rinse and voila...clean face. lately, however, my increase of lines on my face has become rather, well, annoying. I know, I know, I am over 35, but if I don't begin to take care of my skin, it will just get nasty and pruny faster. let's not do THAT. this new stuff, well you are suppose to use it after purity, on a super clean face. it has little chunky/sandy things in it that do some sort of miracle. now maybe I was expecting less lines after the first usage, but I swear there were less. smooth, lovely, clean face. I like. I really like. in fact, I almost want to clean my face tonight. LOL that's right, I CAN! then, the lovely sephora lady answered my greasy face question/issue. people rant and rave about hope in a jar. I've had my jar for a while now and really, I hate it. turns out there's one for dry skin [with OIL in it] and one for regular skin [with NO OIL]. guess which one I own. yup. the dry skin one. I've been putting OIL on my skin. no wonder I have grease dripping from my head by 2pm almost every day. the lady gave me a sample of the regular people one and today, I loved. grrr. and the stuff is UBER expensive. oh well, I'll make my sample last.

oh, and on another note, I was down .2 this week. I need a big loss this week. I NEED IT!!! LOL

9 years ago

John and I hooked up, after a night of drinking, 9 years ago tonight. why does that seem like forever ago? and although we had a lot of crap to work through [mainly on my end, since I thought I was queen of the world, which hey, IS NOT true!], I am really glad that it happened the way it did and that we happened the way we did.

gotta love o'byrnes irish pub on st. patrick's day!

so, I didn't report in last saturday. mainly because I gained .8 which really is quite discouraging. although I totally know that there are good reasons [specifically starting the period from HELL the day before weigh in day], I still get a bit annoyed. however, I walked 7 km on saturday pm and I have plans to walk/run again tomorrow. and I have totally stayed within my points totals [okay, so I always stay within my points totals, but historically an off-week would really mean an off-week which would lead to quitting and then regaining all weight plus 10 lbs]. all that to say this: I AM NOT GIVING UP! I see myself as thin. I want this SOOOOOOOO badly. I will not take no for an answer to a body that is fighting me tooth and nail just because it's old and cranky. I was waiting for the day that exercise would be the key and this week, I believe it's the key that will make the difference. so, alas, this is the story and now I am off to bed, since it is WAY past my bed time and I have to show up and teach tomorrow!!

xoxo

the night - tonight

totally obscure non-meaningful title of nothingness. for real. don't read into it. LOL

I had opportunity to go and see paul young speak tonight. I blogged about "the shack" back in august or july [click here for a refresh!] and have subsequently lent my copies of the book out to many people. I tell ya. I am not often impressed by speakers. lately, I've been impressed by a couple. first, I think I told you that I got to meet romeo dallaire of "shake hands with the devil fame" and then I got to meet [and have my picture taken with!] erwin mcmanus. tonight, I got to be blown away by paul young. and as I stand here telling you about it, I don't have much to say - there is a lot swirling around in my head right now. but, I am impressed. I witnessed an example of humility and compassion that was not wrapped up in either perfection or insincerity, but in love and relationship with others and his creator. there are a lot of people I look up to in a lot of ways - most of them because...well, for some good reasons, but not significant reasons. tonight, I am left with a sense of undoing. the push that I must do something uncomfortable in order to find true healing. although this is unsettling, to say the least and although I am intentionally being vague in this public forum, I must have some moments to think. to think and pray for direction. perhaps this is another excuse. perhaps I just lack in some courage. but it is time for my life, this old, run-down shack to get a make-over. from the inside out.

now THAT's more like it!

yes indeed. it's that time of week. my goal this week was to re-lose the gain, plus some. or, to make it past -15. I did both. down 2.6 for a total of -15.4. the next mental hurdle is -20...in 5 weeks. totally do-able. however, this next goal takes me to the big mental issue I always have with getting under the 200 mark. this is a really big deal to me. but, I did it once and I am determined to do it again - possibly this week.

what I've noticed:

1. my fave belt is on the last buckle.

2. my fave jeans can get pulled over my hips when I don't have said belt on.

3. people are noticing.

4. I can recover from a bad week and not lose all hope and motivation.

5. the more I do this, the better I feel.

6. I totally need the support I get from all my peeps. THANKS!!! you all are the best group of friends a girl could have!!!

and, in all that, I have great plans to craft tonight...perhaps some new pics to come.

HA!

lesson learned, my ass.  [just re-read last week's post!]

so, I am up 2.2 pounds.  and SO frustrated with myself.  I've had two pretty difficult eating weeks and I made my usual mistake last Saturday:  I rewarded myself for my "almost -15".  cori rewards look like wine, nachos, candy, smut mags, movies and chocolate bars.  yeah, and I suck.  if it had only stopped there, I would have re-bounded.  it was followed up with a sloppy week and two days of eating out at teacher's convention.  thursday morning was a breakfast buffet.  the better choice would have been to stay in control of my eating and just order off the menu.  buffet's and I are life-long enemies.  I honestly don't ever feel like I eat the value of the food that I pay for, so then I eat more to make it worth my while.  then on friday it was vietnamese food for lunch and thai food for supper.  like I said, on their own, it all would have been okay.  all together over the coarse of 7 days - +2.2

lesson learned?  I sure hope so.  

on a positive note, I did run without peeing for the first time in a really long time.  I did 35 some minutes on the treadmill walking and then did 15 minutes of 1 to 1's running and walking.  pretty cool, eh?  

lots of work to do this week to take care of myself AND stay in control of my hunger, my food choices and my mindlessness.  one day at a time.

so close!

so close to -15.  -14.8 is pretty darn close.  I am down another 1.4...totally on schedule.  which is good, since I had a rough eating week on a lot of fronts.  for the first time since christmas, I used up all my extra points - on pizza and icky chicken wings and cake and a shot of baileys.  I know that is what those points are suppose to be for, but still, I usually don't use them up like I did on wednesday night!  mentally it was just a tough week and although I am glad that I didn't pay the price at the scale this week, I see now how easy it is to go back to old ways.  I am combating 15 years of bad habits with 11 weeks of new habits.  so, although I know I shouldn't beat myself up over a couple of rough days, I also know that I need to "press on", "persevere" and just "hold on" when I am tired and pms'ing and busy and just plain old tired [oh, I said that...!!!].  alas, all's well that ends well.  and lesson learned.

have a super weekend!

xoxo

new things...

so we did some scrap book pages at club last night...this is what they looked like!  I totally got the paper flower idea from some primas that I had bought awhile ago...I got the replica idea from SCS, I'm sure.  the other flowers just morphed from there and the cut-out flowers I got from kristina's blog...the ribbon thingy with the button is from the papertray blog!  LOVE it all!!!  I also love how dawn uses ribbon and buttons, which got me thinking that I should do more!

-13 point something...

10 weeks today and I am at -13.  considering the first 4 weeks were HELL, I have to say, I am pretty darn impressed with myself.  and it's not that I didn't think I could do it, but part of me always thinks I'm going to fail.  there is still a part of me that doesn't want to dream big, but the other part knows that dreaming big will create a goal that is totally achievable.  if I keep going at a pound a week [my week-to-week goal], then the following will happen:

I will be down 2 more pounds before teachers convention.  I will be down 6 more by spring break.  I will be down 11 more pounds  before the vancouver marathon.  I will be down 15 more pounds by the time I go to vegas.  that puts me at -28 by vegas.  that is below the lowest I've been in my adult life.  although that thought totally FREAKS ME OUT, I am so motivated by the thought of wearing a size 14 pair of jeans and my zebra print lucky brand jeans sweatshirt [that I bought in LA when I was last that size!!!], that I will not give up.  not this time.

I went through my closet this week and weeded out some old things and organized it so that I know what I can shrink into!  because I totally have clothes from two summers ago that will fit me again.  I like that.

okay, off to deal with my very uncontrollable, very whiney, very irritating five year old. 

xoxo

blah.

it's monday night and I feel like I've been slammed to the ground by a mack truck.  the congestion that has hit my head in the last 24 hours is unbelievable.  I knew I was going to get sick...that's what happens when you don't get proper sleep for a week due to a mysterious illness that plagues the bellies of three year olds [chances are, it's constipation, but who knows if I'm being played or not!].

on a posititve note, I am officially down 12.2 lbs.  and my blue jeans are seeing a tighter belt.  I am terrified to try on any of my smaller fitting clothes, in case I am horribly disappointed or that I wake up from the dream and everyone is laughing at me.  strange, I know.  I could be pms'ing on top of it and you know, those days are always fat days even if you weigh 102 pounds.  whatever.  maybe this saturday I will try on some other jeans and see how things are fitting.  at this rate, being at least 20lbs lighter [from the beginning weight] is looking doable for the first weekend in may:  marathon weekend!  flights are booked, hotels are being booked, I still need to register, but hey, that can wait a week or so!  now I just need to start training.  it is encouraging thought, that I should be legitimately below 200lbs on marathon day.  that alone is a good, good thing for my speed and endurance.  exciting!

well, I should be asleep - but I am still waiting for the drugs to kick in.  I seriously hope both kids have a good night and don't wake up.  if not for them, then for me.  okay, for me all the way.

I get my hair cut tomorrow.  things are good.  

xoxo

a trial

ty & I created a video podcast tonight.  it's uploaded on the beginning stages of what may be, someday, a new website!  check it out here:  life according to ty

AND...I finally have voicemail that works.  love the girl at rogers working in ontario at 3am.  

AND...I am contemplating a draw.  if you watch the video, leave me a comment and then I will pick a number and send out a little something :o)  [deadline on Friday @ 3pm]

xoxo

today I am smarter

1.  so.  today I am officially down 10.8 pounds.  my jeans should be looser.  as much as I don't really feel a big difference, I feel a big difference.  I have more energy and I just think having 10 less pounds stuck to my ass is a really good thing.  that is equivalent to 10 pounds of butter.  or bananas. or a REALLY large baby.  there was a girl at the meeting today - down 102 pounds.  for real.  stories like that are the reason I keep going.  although I still have 16 pounds until I reach where I was the spring/summer of 2007, I feel more in control of myself than I did then.  I trust myself more.  

2.  I got to meet erwin mcmanus yesterday.  I went to his session on leadership and a few things stuck with me.  everything I do should be to bring out the best in the people around me.  the best in humanity.  christ did that.  churches should be doing it.  I want to value people for their uniqueness.  I want to help people in my life dream big and be the best they can be.  I am reading his new book.  I'll let you know how I like it!

3.  I've been going weekly to the mac [computers, not makeup] store for my one-to-one training [thanks to my brother for the gift card!].  today I learned how to create a podcast.  hehehe.  and then I learned how to do a video podcast and add it to my website [which is seriously under construction, because I hit a snag!].  I love my mac.  I love knowing how to be smarter with it.  now I just need to bang it around a bit and get my camera working again.  I don't love the green screen that is photobooth!

4.  I took third place in the poker game last night.  won my money back.  trust me, this is a big deal.  I am AWFUL at poker.

5.  I did a note-tag-thingy on facebook.  I don't usually do them, but enjoyed it!  more so, I enjoy reading everyone else's!  I *heart* facebook.

a few things...

I cannot take the credit for some of these - the owl card is Elsa, the sheep is Felice, the glitter/pink is Colinda and the coffee cup is Annette.  the rest are mine, however I am reluctant to take full credit for those either, since everything I do is a shmozzle of ideas from all sorts of sources!

enjoy!  oh, and most of the supplies are SU! [just incase you're wondering!]

cool beans

so I got to cross something off my list tonight.  I got to meet LGen. Romeo Dallaire.  and hear him speak.  and he autographed my copy of his book.  okay, so I wasn't alone.  there were a couple of hundred of people in the room and I had to stand in line to get my book autographed, but still, I was with paul and audra and we were in the front row.  it was all good.  and he said that I had a nice name [and before you all say it, I know, he probably says that to everyone].  regardless, although having coffee with him is on my list of things I'd like to do before I get to old to put two words together [which somedays feels like today], I was happy to have met him and enjoy an hour or so of his session.

I am half way through his book - Shake Hands with the Devil.  it's a difficult book to read and the message tonight was equally as difficult.  what makes me more or less human than anyone else that lives on this planet?  it kinda goes back to my word of 2009.  am I a person that breathes life or sucks life.  gives life or takes it.  are some humans more human than others?  questions to ponder as I sit in the kitchen in my very comfortable country, my canada.  my voice must be heard.  the life I can give must be given.  the hope I can bring must be my mission.  I refuse to sit and do nothing.

there is a scripture in micah 6:8 that is my motto for this phase of my life:  He has showed you, O man, what is good.  And what does the LORD require of you?  To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.  act justly.  love mercy.  walk humbly.  this is what is required of me.

down 8.8

you heard it.  -8.8 in 7 weeks.  I am feeling pretty proud of myself right now.  I had a feeling that this week was going to be big [-3.4 this week], but I really didn't want to get my hopes up.  but there was something about how my jeans were fitting last night that felt more baggy then 2 days post-wash-shrinking-jeans-thing.  ANYWAYS, I know darn well it's not just about my eating and the work I am doing daily ['cause MAN, it's hard some days - like when there are 3 cakes in the bloody staff room for staff meeting], but a big difference this time is about the support I am getting from all the people who are surrounding me with this.  THANK YOU!!!  seriously, I didn't have babies that were 8.8lbs, so it's like I was carrying a large-ish baby and now it's gone.

and, in other news...my house is clean, I made some cards, I am off to make some beds and fold more laundry, then head to the mac [apple, not makeup] store for some one-to-one with evan.  a good weekend.  I'll take some pics of my creations, I promise and I will post them as soon as I can!

the word

so susan did a thing on her blog where she picked a word for 2009.  I saw this and spent some time thinking about it before choosing my 2009  word.

as I sit here writing this, I just noticed that it's in the title of my blog!  in fact, the sermon that dean preached today was pretty much on this topic and in fact, inspired my word.  freaky strange.  okay, only to me.

life.

that's my word.  life [there's 36 definitions - I just chose a couple!]:  the course of existence or sum of experiences and actions that constitute a person's existence. animation; liveliness; spirit.  resilience.  a person or thing that enlivens.  effervescence or sparkle.

I guess the whole purpose of this is the why.  why does this matter?  well, I feel that I don't always choose life.  I don't always choose life with my words or with my actions.  I yell at my kids, I am sarcastic, I swear.  I choose death with my mouth.  I know that above all, I don't choose life for myself.  I don't care for my spirit.  or my body.  I choose death every time I overeat.  every time I decide to be so busy.  every time I stay up too late.  every time I binge on chocolate.  some of you may think that I am being hard on myself.  I know that this is not always the case, there are lots of times that I choose life [more so as of late!]; but I do know the condition of my heart and it is naturally sinful.  so, from this moment on, I choose life.  I choose to live in a way that breaths life into the people around me.  I choose to breathe life into my children.  into my students.  into my husband.  into my friends.  into myself.

oh, and on another note - I currently owe yvonne $54 for my clothing fund!

-4 in 5

so I think I said it before here, but I've been going to weight watchers for the last while. today marks the end of my fifth week [I think!]. two weeks ago I thought I was crazy to do this during christmas, turns out it was probably the best thing ever. the first week, I lost 1.4, the second and third week canceled each other out with a -.8 and a +.8, last week I lost .2 and this week, I was down 2.4 for a total of 4 lbs down in total. although I am not totally at my goal of -1 per week, I figure I can cut myself a wee bit of slack because I did this all over the christmas break. yeah me! it was really quite devastating the fist week when I stepped on the scale and saw a number that I have never seen before. but, I am committing a full year to this program in the hopes of losing a pound a week [so, 52 lbs!] and gaining some "never seen in my life since I was 15" thinness, and more importantly gaining some healthy lifestyle changes that will carry me into my 40s. along side of this, since clothing seems to be my hugest shopping thing, and hey, I really like some of my clothes, I am going to put aside $10 for every pound I lose so that when I get to my goal weight, I will be able to makeover my wardrobe with some lucky brand jeans and a pair of leather boots.  okay, well maybe not the exact ones I linked to, but you get the idea.

so, saturday is weigh in day - I will continue to share with you my journey and I hope you will continue to support me as you all do!!

xoxo

new catty, new catty, new catty

a sneak peek...
I am LOVING the accessories...crocheted flowers, corduroy buttons, BEAUTIFUL paper, orange ric-rak. mmmmm. yum-o! my order is going in on Jan 19th. happy, happy!

potty training

so today is the day. tyrone calvin fraser needs to start using the toilet. today. it is out of pure stubbornness that he doesn't. he knows how, he does it occasionally, but really he wants to have a pull-up on. he's lazy and stubborn. so much like his mother. grrr. so this morning, conveniently, we were out of pull-ups so I pulled out some new spiderman underwear and started the whole process. well, he refuses to wear the underwear, put his pj bottoms back on - commando style. that's my kid. john is heading to the 7-11 to get bribe material - round, colourful gum...the candy of choice for my wee ty. it's going to be a LONNNNNGGGG day!

I spent yesterday in my pj's. the whole day. no shower, no nothing. by 10:00 last night I looked and smelled GROSS!! however, my day of nothingness has meant that I've kicked the cold to the curb. I feel MUCH better. much more human. in my "loungingness" yesterday, I watched 2 movies. the first was a movie called "Once" - an irish musical-ish story. not great. not awful. the previews in it, however, lead to movie number two: "the Namesake". WOW. this was a great movie. the guy in house, who was also in Harold & Kumar was in it - and very good.



definitely worth watching. I was desperate, and in my pj's, so I just rented it from itunes. a good $5 spent on my lazy, pajama day! this is kinda my last day of Christmas vacation, if you don't count the weekend. I am feeling like I got nothing done and my plan to go into school for a day, kinda got derailed by illness. I do need to go in, we'll see how the day leads!