Thursday, December 31, 2015

fight song

hello old friend.

it's new years eve day, and I'm feeling compelled to reflect, revive and replenish my soul.  writing, blogging, has always been a reflective tool, something so good for my sanity.  I've missed it.  I've been gone intentionally.  kinda.  may and june just got busy {as it does every year!}.  july was a lot of nothingness.  and then some serious shit went down.  stuff that I still can't talk about {I'm super cryptic, I know.  I don't mean to be.}.  let's put it this way.  if our family could make it through july, august and september in one piece and we're still standing, together, on the other side of it, then we can get through anything.  it was hard not being able to write about what was hitting us hardest, so it was intentional that I stayed away.  if I can't be vulnerable here, then it's best to stay away.  in doing that, however, I have found that I've also been inadvertently distancing myself from friends as we lean in as a family.  this I don't like.  I'm weary of digging in deep.  does that make sense?  so bear with me as I stay on the surface today.

on the flip side, because I am a believer in redemption and an eternal optimist, there has been a lot of positives in my life as of late.  nate has made a fairly smooth transition into jr high.  grade fricken' seven!!  this is a huge plus.  it was a big stressor for me this fall.  not for him.  oh no.  he just breezed through his first few months of jr high with no stress at all!  and ty, my chronic non-sleeper, has been a rock star for the last few months.  better sleep, better attitude, better mental health.  a significant win.  john and I got away together in november.  much needed and much overdue.  this year is ending in a good, good place.

a lot of prelude for what I was really wanting to write about today.  ha!

new years eve.  time for some reflection on my word/s for 2015.  gratitude and generosity.  I wrote 365 days ago, that it's difficult for anxiety and gratitude to exist in the same place.  one year later, this truth is alive for me.  this word, these words, have are the reason I'm standing on the other side.  this I know.  I am grateful for family.  grateful for the life I get to live.  grateful for the person I've become over the last year, because she's not the same person.  this is good.  in everything give thanks.

so I have a word picked for 2016.  I'll share that with y'all tomorrow!

in the meantime, this has been our theme song for the last while.  we blast it, sing it and live it.

this is my fight song
take back my life song
prove I'm alright song
my power's turned on
starting right now I'll be strong
I'll play my fight song
and I don't really care if nobody else believes
'cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me

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