Monday, December 31, 2007

more purging!

so, today I did the cupboards - the pantry, actually. I got rid of a ton of old stuff & rearranged everything else. and it was a good eating day...until susan showed up with cake!! nah, when you know that you are going to enjoy some good food and drinks with friends, then being careful all day totally pays off.

tomorrow is new years day. hopefully I can just stick to the plan and drink a ton of water. I am also hoping that I have a few minutes to take a walk [and that the weather is nice enough!].

and what is the plan?? well, I registered myself for the vancouver marathon in may. and before you get all concerned about my mental heath - I am registered to walk the half marathon. there are 18 week between now and then. so, I am committing to 18 weeks of vigorous training. 18 weeks to retrain my body, so it can walk 21k, retrain my head so that I start eating like an athlete and retrain my muscles so they can assist with the shedding of some of this extra poundage that I am walking around with. so, as of today, I am an athlete in training. and the tape of negative self talk that usually plays in my head has 18 weeks to get reprogrammed. I have a goal of 2 pounds lost per week and I am going to accomplish this in two ways: eat less. move more. this week I am working on getting 2L of water in me every day. because I have a half way point. in 9 weeks, I am going on a mini vacation with my mom & sisters. in 9 weeks, I plan to fit into the size 14 jeans I bought yesterday.

now, I never buy clothes that are too small, but in an effort to try something new to kick start myself, I bought these GREAT jeans [and they were uber cheap] in a size too small. I plan to wear them to palm springs, with my super cute, also currently too small, zebra hoodie. that means, I need to kick it into high gear over the next 9 weeks - 18lbs is the plan. 189lbs is the plan. you do the math. that would put me just a bit lower than where I was when I shmuked my ankle last spring. phew! THAT is the current mini plan.

off to connie & scott's for some wii & wine. hugs and smooches, friends. HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Sunday, December 30, 2007

NYE & the great purge

be's a long one!!

I am SO not the new years resolution person. I figure it's a bunch of nonsense and trouble - unrealistic expectations and big let downs. however, I am having a bit of a moment about it today. a bizarrely contrary moment, at that.

went to church this morning & we did something a bit different. first, there was opportunity for people to share what they were thankful for. then we had opportunity to go up to the front and smell some incense [I totally can't remember what it was, but seems to me dean said it was something that would have been in the temple] and pray a prayer of repentance. then we went to the other side of the stage and washed our hands in a basin, to symbolize a fresh start. there is something that always resonates with my spirit when I do a physical or public act of repentance; like the many, many people that have gone before me and participated in acts of atonement, knowing that God is merciful and forgives.

I am reminded of the day of atonement or yom kippur - a Jewish holiday that is usually remembered usually in september. a day where a fast is kept, and sins between man & God are atoned. it originally comes from levitical law [lev. 16:29-30] and has been kept by jews since then. I am so moved by the idea that it has been celebrated for thousands of years by thousands upon thousands of people. it, for the jews, is honoured as a "new years" of sorts - a spiritual cleansing that leads to a new start [not to be confused with rosh hashanah, the day that is celebrated typically as the jewish new year!]. well, today was my day of atonement.

when I think upon this past year, I know where I went wrong. it's the same place where I always go wrong. I think I know best. I am selfish and self-indulgent. and it's wrecking me, my health and my ability to be a good wife & mother. I feed my soul with food and shopping. and finally, today, some reprieve. forgiveness. atonement. for the first time in a really long time, I feel freed. lighter somehow. although, the road back is going to be a long, laborious one, I feel like I somehow have the energy to fight back.

SO, this year, I am going to make some new years resolutions.
1. my weight and my health are going to take the #1 spot on my scheduled list of priorities. I know that john has my back on this & is my biggest fan. it's all good.
2. I am going to pull a susan! I am going to host "thankful thursday" on my blog. she was doing it a while ago, but I was thinking that I would pick one lone thing that I am thankful for and give it some air time.
3. I am going to purge my house of the clutter - toys, unused clothes, crap food in the cupboard. I started today, and will be continuing all week!

and, I refuse to just make some resolutions and keep them as such - more on the how it's going to happen...tomorrow!

Wednesday, December 26, 2007


a good chrismas and a good martini.

christmas is always so super busy and wild, this christmas was no different. I survived playing for 2 christmas eve services. we had a nice time with john's mom on christmas eve as well - it is so much nicer with the boys being a bit older this year. nate & I also went to my uncle hank's on christmas eve [john took ty home to bed!]. by the time I got home, nate was pretty zonked. john had washed and vacuumed all the floors, so I just had food prep to do & stockings to fill. not too bad overall!

all of my family was over for christmas morning [hence the food prep on xmas eve!]...I am thinking that 5 pots of coffee were made & enjoyed, 2 pans of french toast were eaten, 20 or so presents opened [5 of which were remote controlled vehicles!] and tons of pictures taken by other people! everyone was gone by noon or so and we spent some time chilling with the boys.

by 4:30, we were all at my mom & dad's for dinner [12 adults, 5 kids and 1 newborn]. it was a nice time visiting with everyone, holding the new baby, watching all the kids play together. I have to say, for all the planning stress that comes with christmas, it was a nice time [even though it was 2 days full of family!!!].

and then there is boxing day. although john and I hardly ever do any boxing day shopping, we do some boxing day sleeping in! john basically spent the day setting up the boy's playmobil sets [nate got a pirate ship set & ty got a knights/castle set - I couldn't find pictures of their exact sets]. and I did nothing. hehehe! well, that's a lie. I made a "trip to coralee's" playlist for my itouch [that was my "official" christmas present, although I've had it for a week or so!] since the boys and I are heading to st paul's tomorrow morning to spend a day/night with coralee.

oh, and I made a killer martini. 2 parts vodka, 1 part creme de cocoa, 1 part peppermint schnapps. shake over ice, pour, shave some milk chocolate on top! yumm-o!!

Monday, December 24, 2007

reflections on a christmas eve morning

I have slept. it's amazing to me how a good night's sleep can change my outlook dramatically. and this morning, I sit here - watching the boys play & watch "cars" for the kazillionth time - listening to sarah mclachlan sing "noel". I wonder why I purchased this album, since I really don't like it.

phew! itunes has graciously changed to mariah! not too sure what's better.

but I have digressed, because what I really came to talk about is the most excellent cup of coffee that I made this morning. now, I enjoy good coffee. I enjoy strong coffee. but perfect coffee is the right mix of savory & robust, no bitter aftertaste. phil, one of the student teachers at our school this last term, gave me a pound of starbucks espresso [espresso regalo] beans, ground for an old school espresso maker. well, today I tried my hand at my own americano - espresso with boiling water...and the product: DELISH!

I guess to me, it's something like taking time to smell the roses. I haven't been taking the time to enjoy my coffee - or anything else, for that matter. maybe that's why I've been feeling so yucked lately. sorta numb and rather out of control. I have had little patience with my kids, less patience with my husband, and no patience with myself. my emotions seem out of control and I am reigning them in with food. I am so sick and tired of this spiral. so tired.

so at this crazy, busy, wonderful time of year, I am going to forget about all the things I didn't do. I am going to not feel guilty over the cards I didn't send and the phone calls that haven't been made. and I am going to just be. be amazed by the truth that my God loved me so much that he sent his son, the divine clothed in the skin of a wee baby - a baby that would change the course of history. and that his name would be Immanuel - God with us. prince of peace. wonderful counselor. christ the lord. and when I play "silent night" tonight, and my heart has a chance to be calm, I am going to just be in that moment. Jesus came so that lives could be changed. and mine needs some serious changing. o come, o come emmanuel.

all of this because of a cup of coffee.

have a blessed, peace-filled day.

Sunday, December 23, 2007

happy christmas eve eve

the day before the day before christmas. the gifts are bought & mostly wrapped. groceries are in the fridge. a few small stops tomorrow, then the party begins.

as usual, I am feeling sick [always the christmas sore throat & cough!], and at 841 on sunday evening, I feel like I should be in bed. how totally sad is THAT?

it's almost as sad as not mailing out a single christmas card.

I had some cool, interesting thoughts to share [okay, so cool & interesting in my brain!] but I can't seem to get my words sorted. perhaps I can unfog my brain tomorrow over a cup of coffee!

have a happy christmas eve tomorrow and try not to get too bogged down by the craziness that can be christmas!

Thursday, December 20, 2007

bad blogger, bad friend

yup. that's me. let me give you the run down of the last week or so.

1. teach full time
2. sick kids
3. christmas shopping
4. going-away scrapbook for a colleague
5. christmas concert/carnival
6. a 4-year old pooing his pants at my school
7. cards for nearly everyone but the people I should have mailed them to
8. 3 trips to london drugs to drop off and pick up pictures
9. pick up my replacement wedding ring
10. hair cut
11. me sick
12. christmas party for our church group [at our house]
13. staff christmas party [at our house - 2 days later!]
14. john sick & snoring
15. wash the floors - after 2 parties
16. remember to send a bit of a gift to oregon
17. secret santa gifts all week [LOVED the bailey's I ended up with!!]
18. and tonight - feed, bathe & bed 2 boys, make 3 tins of cards & make 7 doz cookies for the school cookie exchange

AND just one more lone day of school. phew. a busy weekend, but rest is a coming! please forgive me for being a delinquent cards, calls & coffee's will resume very soon. I promise.

Sunday, December 09, 2007

making a list, checking it twice...

I do well with lists. always have. it has taken me until the 9th of december to make a list of all the gifts I need to send & buy and all the cards that need to go out in the next few days. I have been buying random gifts, thinking that I am sorta on the right track. yeah no. I did some on-line shopping today and I am hoping that things come in on time. how many days left??

and on a totally other note...nate had his recital today. the pictures say it all. he did such a great job and I was so proud of him! I have video footage as well...will take some time to figure that out!

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

random tuesday thoughts

december is going a bit too quickly for my liking. I know it is only the 4th, but it seems crazy that monday is the 10th already. I need to get my christmas card pictures done. I need to get my christmas cards done. I need to buy some gifts. just seems a bit nuts.

I have some happy things though [mainly because the cold is making me rather miserable...the backs of my arms are cold...grrr]: I ordered an ipod touch. hehehe! I really like my ipod nano - the wee thing has done me well over the last year, but I do use it a lot and I was wanting an upgrade...SO, after consulting my brother [who has one] and my husband [who still was needing to buy me something for christmas], I ordered one. it should be here on monday. secondly, turns out that the whole lost ring business is all going to be okay. I am going in to get my finger sized for the new ring...turns out that the insurance company works with the same jeweler who originally made the ring. it is all going to be okay. AND, I was hoping that my new phone would be here today [long story about how and why I am getting a new one, but it has to do with john losing his at a football game], since john got his last week already. I am a bit bitter about mine not being here yet. alas, my husband just walked in..

stay warm & dry everyone!

Saturday, December 01, 2007

so many complications

1. our computer is broken. this makes me sad, since it was like an old friend. reliable, safe, predictable. the things I needed were there. although about 95% of our stuff had been backed up, my contact list in outlook had not been. grrr. we have since moved steph's computer from her office into our space, since she is not using it. I am really wanting a mac. we're going to start saving.

2. school is good. school is busy. I am not liking busy. I create my own reality - my own schedule. in doing that I have WAY TOO MUCH on my plate. too many commitments, not enough time to do coffee with my friends. too much fluff, not enough qt with my boys. as a result, I have gained 15lbs in the last few months. I am not feeling good about myself and am therefore not taking care of myself. I took a day off this week and had some me time. that was a good, good thing. I need a plan. a real plan. a plan that will force me into submitting. a plan that will kick my fat ass. SO, this week I will track my points on ww everyday. I will drink 8 glasses of water every day. I will go to exercise class on monday. I will do these 3 things and be okay with that.

3. christmas. feeling okay with the busyness here. I have lots of things I still have to do to get ready for christmas, but here, on this first day of december, I know I have 23 more days to get them done!!!

4. the weather here sucks right now. it is SUPER cold. that just makes me grumpy.

5. huising family christmas get-together tomorrow, parent-teacher interviews on thursday, gingerbread party for the kids on saturday, nate's music recital next sunday. jam packed. I can do this. I can be busy and be okay.

6. blogging is therapeutic. so is stamping. must do both more.