Wednesday, January 30, 2013

five minute friday: again

yep.  SUPER late.  too late?  nope.  that said, I've been feeling like I've been in a funk lately.  tired, busy, stressed, tired {did I say that already?}.  so in some ways, I feel like I've cheated on this fmf.  I knew what the word was last week.  I've had time to roll around with it in my head.  regardless, there are reasons that it took me six days to get around to writing this post.

as always, if you want to join the fun, click on the badge to the right for all the fmf intel!


it plays around in my head, over and over.  again and again.  you failed.  again.  you will never change.  you've failed.  again.  resolutions, plans, things that need change.  I've failed.  again.  round and round it plays.  over and over.  again and again.  that recording of defeat in my head.

where did I learn to sabotage myself?  where did I learn the negativity that plays in my head?  when did I decide that it was okay to be so awful.  to myself.  who gave me permission to destroy my own ambition.  my goals.  my dreams.  yet again?

so today, I'm saying STOP.  just like max in where the wild things are.  it's time to go home.  to where my dinner is still warm.  where grace abounds.  where I get to do this tomorrow.  again.  where I get to brush off the defeat and try again.  and again.  and again.  fall eight times, get up eight times.  and again if I need to.

stop the negative, yet again.  start fresh.  again.


your turn.

Saturday, January 19, 2013

five minute friday: cherished

yeah, I know.  it's saturday.  I'm always blogging a day late.  blah, blah, blah.  ha!  anyways, if you like the whole fmf thing, go click on that little badgy-thing on the right hand side over there.  go.  click.  it's fun!  {I'm feeling tired, lazy and super sassy...cut me some slack!}


cherished:  to hold something dear; to protect and care for someone lovingly

not too sure if I cherish much.  okay, that's a lie.  or maybe it's not.  my head is a mess with this one.  I've never felt that I hold things close.  I tend to hold things at arms length.  that way I'm not hurt.  what I'm learning is that my heart wants to cherish others and be cherished.  I am not strong.  I am not fierce.  those are outward things.  inside, I'm mush.  and I need to be held and cared for.  only I expect it, want it, miss it and have become the person not willing to make the first gesture.

I need to start feeling more vulnerable.  open.  and begin to cherish the things in my world that are worth cherishing.  with wild abandonment.  free.  my family.  my friends.  my kids.  my husband.  the ones who love me.  strong and fierce can wait for tomorrow.  today my heart is soft.


your turn.

Saturday, January 12, 2013

don't try

it's saturday.  the day of sleeping in, grocery shopping, laundry and sports.  so this morning, and this post is brought to you by my dear friend leanne who brought me this mug back from NYC!  mmmm.  coffee.

so I thought that this morning, in light of the busy "back to school" week that was, that I'd just list it out...and really, it's just to report on my "restore" progress.  this month, my primary focus has been on restoring my health.  I was thinking about it last week and in 2011 I walked two half marathons.  a whole marathon when you put those two halves together.  walking makes me strong.  it gives me energy.  I started 2012 with a fender bender which led to some whiplash and although it was nothing super serious, my back became an excuse not to move my body.  2012 was also the year that I started to focus on my diet, with not a lot of visual results, but a realization that my body doesn't like wheat.  then christmas happened.  and lets be honest, baked goods taste good.  VERY GOOD.  and gfree products generally taste like crap.  although I don't do a lot of substitution in my diet {gfree items are generally high fat, high sugar and not nutrient rich}, I totally fell of the wagon over christmas.  time to restore some good eating.  and movement.  so I set some short term goals:  eat gfree, do the jillian michaels 30 day shred and no booze for two weeks.  today is update time.

1.  gfree is pretty easy for me now.  I did all the work last summer to educate myself on foods that I can eat and foods that I can't eat and now it's just a matter of keeping on track.  I am giving myself a treat meal once a week; I go for lunch with my bestie on thursdays, so that's my treat meal.  then there were some cookies that sat on my desk yesterday.  yeah.  I wasn't strong.  they were warm, gooey, oatmeal chocolate chip cookies of loveliness.  and I ate all four of them.  mmmmmm.  did it knock my whole day off?  nope.  they were worth every bite.  so my gluten free eating hasn't been perfect, but it's been decent.  I'm tracking my caloric intake and I'm making conscious choices.  I'm being intentional.  for me, that's my biggest struggle.

2.  the 30 day shred is kicking my ass.  in a good way.  day one was awful.  days two and three were worse.  day four felt a bit better.  then I got sick.  soooooo sick on sunday and monday!  so I took two days off.  I felt that fainting in the middle of the work out was not worth it!  I started back at it on tuesday and it keeps getting easier.  woohoo!  I did 13 push ups yesterday.  and all the jumping jacks.  I still have to modify some of the cardio - peeing issues.  ha!  but that's not going to change much.  I can finally do the work out with weights and not cans of beans, so that's some serious progress too!  my bestie did some measurements after school yesterday {a week late, but whatever!}; we'll measure again when I'm done the 30 days.  that said, I feel strong.  strong is amazing.

3.  no booze.  less of a struggle than I imagined.  apparently an improved diet combined with a decent workout every day is helping with my stress level.  shocking.

so there's my update.  I'm determined to make these revolutions and not resolutions.  the stats are not great, so focusing on small steps seems to be key.  for today.

don't try.  just do.

Friday, January 04, 2013

days of a child

I was a rockstar today!  finally, I feel like I had the energy to do stuff...and it's the last weekday of christmas vacation.  it's back to work on monday.  amazing how that happens.  well, I honestly suspect that my burst of energy was more food and movement related than anything else.

1.  I've been eating gluten free for the last couple of days.  THAT makes a huge difference in how I feel.  my belly feels better so I feel better.  {shocking!}  I always know that dropping gluten from my diet is key, but stuff with gluten in it tastes SOOOOOOOOO good!!  that said, feeling good today is better than how something tasted yesterday.

2.  I completed day 3 of the jillian michaels 30-day shred.  holy moly.  I was swearing at her this afternoon.  ooooohhhh.  and punching her in the face, when I could line up my punches properly.  I'd better end up with less jiggle when this is done.  I hate the work out, but I love the energy I have.  they are connected.

3.  so I bitch and complain about the lack of rest I get.  maybe I just need to focus on #1 & #2 a bit more, then I'll have more energy and not feel like I need such a big break all the time.  does that make sense?  my lack of rest comes from feeling like I have no energy.  drained all the time.  and then my body doesn't know how to deal with the stress and all the busy that is my life.  maybe if I take care of my health a bit more, and try to punch jm in the face every night, I'll feel a bit less stress.  it's worth a try, right?

4.  I cleaned up christmas today.  it looks so boring in here.  I also cleaned my house - especially that mysterious spot high up in the stairwell that looked like something had been thrown against it.  like an orange.  it's been bugging me for ages, but today, I cleaned it.  and I cooked risotto and a roast chicken for supper.  and I'm caught up on laundry.  I was on fire!

5.  finished all available episodes of sherlock.  LOVE.  I can't wait for season 3!

6.  and I strung my guitar today.  after having it sit in it's lovely stand since june, I strung it, tuned it, and played the one chord I know:  G.  I think I'll aim to learn one or two chords a week.  plus, now I think I can string the ukeleles at school.

7.  and tonight, I'm boycotting the tv so I can read.  and listen to some music.

8.  I am so grateful that my mother-in-law is always so willing to take my kids overnight.  they left at 2pm yesterday and walked in the door at 6pm tonight.  I needed that.  the solitude.  the ability to clean alone.  and have it stay clean for a few hours.  I feel blessed.  and energized.  now some tea, and I'd better get my rascals off to bed!

Thursday, January 03, 2013

five minute friday: opportunity

the first five minute friday of the year.  I'm busy watching sherlock {eeeekkkk!  only one episode left!}, home alone.  ahhh, and the word is opportunity!  ironic, no?  so as always, if you want to play along, the info is on the right - just click the badge!!  I'm going to hit pause on netflix at this super scary junction...five minutes.  GO!


opportunity.  I have a lot of this, but never as much as I have at the start of the year.  or at the start of a new school year for that matter.  I forget this, however, when the business of life puts me in auto-pilot.  'cause you know it does.  the mundane.  the everyday.  the driving and the sports and making lunches.  the laundry and all the other stuff that just puts us into zombie mode.

but opportunity.  fresh, new, exciting opportunities can just shock us awake.  the new year can do this.  I'm not normally big on resolutions.  in fact, this year, I'm calling them revolutions.  a chance to start again.  change the way I do life.  the opportunity to start fresh.

I can choose to waste it or embrace it.  in the past, I've wasted many, many new opportunities to start agin.  and not just in the new year, but every morning.  every sunrise is an opportunity.  to do it again.  to do it better.  I'm going to take this one.  embrace it.  change it.  and start a revolution in my heart.


Wednesday, January 02, 2013


day two of the new year.  much more exciting than day one.  ha!  it's a list day...yippie!

1.  nate's soccer team played an exhibition game today.  they won.

2.  I hooked up netflex to the wii last night.  one month free...and then we'll see.

3.  well, no gluten today.  that makes my belly feel a lot better.  a lot better.  plus I stocked up on belly-friendly food today - veg, hummus, avocados.  and I don't think their is any chocolate left in my house. I may have finished eating it all today.  ha!

4.  I did day one of jillian michael's 30-day shred.  I HURT.  she kicked my ass.  I swore at her.

5.  I'm watching sherlock on netflix.  I love a good mystery.

6.  tomorrow afternoon the boys are off to grandma's.  I get to clean the house and go out.  alone.  yippie!  oh, and I'm going to take down christmas.  also alone.  there has been a lot of togetherness time over the last two weeks.  I need less.  ha!

7.  I may go to a movie tomorrow.  the hobbit, I think.

8.  date night on saturday night.  booked a sitter and we're going to a movie.  skyfall, I think.  I like james bond.

9.  and tomorrow, I'm hitting the repeat button.  no gluten and the damn jm dvd.  bloody hell.

10.  I don't have a number ten.  but I am wondering if I'm more of a sherlock girl or a watson girl.  what do you think?

Tuesday, January 01, 2013

the night calls

so it's new years day.  a day of new beginnings.  a chance to start fresh.  I have mixed feelings about all of it.  am I setting myself up for failure if I set goals at the start of a new year?  what are the stats on resolutions?  awful.  I don't want to be THAT person.  but I kinda am that person.  or at least I think I need to try it on for size for awhile.  so this year, I'm setting a couple of goals.  and honestly, they are 14 day and 30 day goals.  I can do that.  when I'm done that time frame, I'll make another.  and another.  I just can't put all my eggs in one basket.  I like my eggs too much!

and then there's my one word.  I'll let that define my year...and let it change the way I do business.  and it will frame my resolutions and hopefully a revolution that needs to happen in my heart.

the idea of this word just came to me last week while I was walking into a starbucks by my house.  their word for the christmas season this year was rekindle.  I contemplated using rekindle when psalms 23 came to me:  "he restores my soul".  and that's when I knew.  it's not so intense as grace and surrender were, but it will require an enormous amount of work in my heart.  it's not easy to restore relationships. it's not easy to restore faith.  it's not easy.  but I suppose that's the point.  restoration - of my soul, my health, my mind, my relationships.  re-: again and again.

so with this in mind, I have set some short term, more tangible goals or resolutions for the new year.  starting tomorrow two weeks of wheat/gluten free eating.  as of monday {'cause that's when my christmas vacation is over}, two weeks of no alcohol.  and starting tomorrow, I'm going to do the jillian michael's 30 day shred that has been on my computer for months now.  I am starting with the easy:  taking measure to restore some good health and state of mind.  and I'm going to just take it in chunks.  and really, embrace the prefix re-.  for me that is getting up and trying again.  and again.  and again.

oh, and if you're wondering where my title comes from, I'm listening to jay sparrow right now.  go check him out!!