Tuesday, January 30, 2007

is it possible?

is it possible that maybe I am on the road to recovery? recovery from eating CRAP, that is! today is the first day in a really long time, where I feel like I've successfully conquered the crap [picture wonder woman deflector arm bands flashing through the air!]. it's 9:00 and I have eaten less than my allotted 1500 calories...and more importantly, I am not hungry. also, last night, 10 push-up...IN A ROW! yippie! another big success, we finally dealt with nate's pre/post supper tantrum. head on, no holds barred. to be honest, most days, I am too exhausted to really deal with his attitude. no good excuses, but it definitely is easier in the moment to let things slide...then it turns into a water slide of rushing nastiness! well, tonight, I had enough...and decided that if I can deal with paper-eating-big-kids-in-three-year-old-bodies, then I can deal with my for-real three year old. I think it's the low voice, "I'm not going anywhere" thing that I have mastered over the last while.

AND, I stamped tonight. we are putting a basket together for "bids for kids" - the theme is "red", hence the red cards!

Day 29:
"Get back on track. Slip ups are normal and they don't mean failure. Instead of beating yourself up for your mistakes, tell yourself that one error doesn't mean much. Don't wait until tomorrow, next week, or next month to get back on track start right away. Put your mistake into the past and move forward. Even the most successful people in the world make mistakes!"

yeah, but they learn from their mistakes. I, have been using this whole "mistake" notion as an excuse. yup. done with this one.

Day 30:
"Everything is a choice. You choose to watch TV instead of walking, or to de-stress by eating instead of talking to someone. Before you act, stop and ask yourself if this "solution" will really help you in the long run."

hence my motto. I cannot blame anyone for the choices I make because everything is a choice. and today, I am choosing a life free of addiction. a life free of guilt and shame. a life that is God based, not me based. today, I chose to live, not die.

Sunday, January 28, 2007

a couple of tidbits

Day 28:
"Create your reality. The mind doesn't know the difference between imagined events and reality. Picture success. Try goal-related affirmations each day and your behavior will reflect what you want to be."

mmmm...picture success, eh? let's start with actually remembering my goals...the ones I was suppose to post everywhere!

so, got an email from mike tonight...[hence the picture!] and it looks like he's participating in a gallery showing - WAY TO GO, MIKE!! hehehe! I went to the cube website and it looks like they are doing some really interesting things...makes me wish I could see it in person. I absolutely adore mike's work...his pictures and his art. as the proud owner of both, I am really pleased that he is able to show his work off! the web addy is: http://www.cubegallery.ca/
what else is new the world of cori - NOTHING!!!!! I live such a boring life for the most part...maybe this week will prove me wrong!

Saturday, January 27, 2007

it's been a couple of days...

I really try to blog daily, but that doesn't always happen. I had a make & take night on wednesday...only susan, jen & yvonne, but a lot of fun, nonetheless! then last night was rachel's workshop...that too, lots of fun - and in my books, that's what stamping is ALL about!

this morning, I donned my long underwear and headed out to my walking class. I've missed the first two classes, so this is my first time walking more than around a mall in a long time. 6km in -15 weather. good thing I was geared up! funny thing about being out in the cold for an hour is that 5 hours later, I am still cold...I think a REALLY long, hot shower is in order! now, for the days I've missed!

Day 24:
"Do less. Bombarding yourself with too many goals can be stressful. The more items you focus on, the more each task suffers from a lack of priority, attention and accuracy. Whittle down your to-do list to focus on what is really important."

As crazy as this sounds [and I know that most of you will question my sanity], I seriously believe that I am doing less. eeeekkkk! don't throw tomatoes! I am talking about my goals. I think for the first time, I have simplified them.

Day 25:
"Celebrate milestones. While your long-term goal may be to lose 50 pounds or more, each pound lost is one step closer and each deserves recognition! Call a friend or write in your journal. You never know who you may inspire!"

funny, I was just thinking today that I hadn't told everyone my big news: at my class on monday night, I did 10 push ups!! YIPPIE!!

Day 26:
"Get the right tools. Sticking to your goals may require some supplies, like good shoes to exercise or finance software to reduce your debt. Choose the tools that keep you safe (first and foremost) and help you measure your progress."

mmmm...like all the winter walking gear I bought this month?

Day 27 [TODAY!]:
"Add variety! To prevent boredom, try new things. Enroll in a class, find a local support group, try a new workout, or anything that keeps you excited."

I think I am doing this fairly well...and joy suggested this morning that I do this dance club with her and my mom in april! I think I will...

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

not bad, for a tuesday...

one kid off his meds
one ready to transfer out
one in crisis over his mom [not serious, but crisis nonetheless]
but overall, an okay day.

Day 23:
"Make yourself a priority. You do a lot for others, but tend to neglect yourself. Give yourself the care, attention and love that you need. Your goals are important and you deserve to take time or yourself each day in order to achieve them."

yup. yup. yup. I actually had a really successful eating day today. that feels good. I also went to my class last night...and although I am SO SORE, it's a good sore; therefore, it's ALL good!

the supplies for tomorrow's make and take are all cut, now I just need to design a 6x6 page to demo at rachel's show on friday night. hard to always do boy pages...and I wish I had the big blossom from sab, because I could totally do a cool kissing thing, not that I can't with other stuff, but it just wouldn't be as big and cool. maybe I will recreate the front cover of december's stampin' success...

off to try!

Monday, January 22, 2007

I stand corrected!

2 people read my blog, and I am so grateful for the BOTH of you, being that you bring so much to my life and give me quick kicks to the butt when I need them!!

Day 22:
"Learn something new that inspires you. If you want to quit smoking, for example, read about successful quitters whose lives have improved, or about how smoking affects your health. Find new, specific tips for your current stage."

I re-learned something today - too much fiber + not enough water = TOTAL GUT ACHE!!! I also re-learned that to do the opposite of what you know is right, is sin. yup, just plain ol' sin. so, repentance is required. God & I have been doing some chatting...give me a couple of days to get my head around this whole thing.

Sunday, January 21, 2007


since no one but susan reads my blog...THANKS SUZ [and if you do, 'fess up!], I'll give a shout-out to shonnette...way to birth the big ones! and congrats on wee simon!!

Day 21:
"Share your knowledge. Could someone else benefit from what you've learned so far? Acting as a mentor can strengthen your own commitment to your goals and inspire others to create positive change in their own lives."

don't ask me to do this until I can walk the talk.

Saturday, January 20, 2007

I've been lazy...

with my daily blogging. I have a whole week of "calendar topics" to write about, so you'll have to bear with me. [keep in mind I am a tad distracted by a naked dancing boy...yes, naked, dancing and singing "I like to move it, move it"]

Day 15:
"You're halfway there! Today, look back on your progress and reevaluate your goals. Are you on track with your time line? Is your goal still important? Are you motivated? Make changes to your goals, if necessary, to keep the momentum going strong!"

okay. no progress. the scale has not budged. well, it's budged, just not in the right direction. grrr. some progress overall with my goals though. I have gone to my class 3 out of 4 times. I can do about 8 push ups. I guess I am feeling a bit discouraged as I write this because it's been a bit of a challenging eating week. over on my calories most days and it's like I just can't get that part of the puzzle in the right place.

Day 16:
"Avoid saboteurs. People will try to persuade you to go against your plan, whether they feel guilty themselves or jealous of you. Ignore them. Share your goals with positive people and stay away from these topics around the negative ones."

can I say that school is a saboteur?? yeah, especially on thursday's - snack day. grrr. can I blame school though? nope. no one is forcing me to eat that cookie.

Day 17:
"Write about your motivation in your journal. There are many reasons you chose your goals—better health, self-esteem, or happiness. Put all these reasons on paper and read them when you need motivation."

my motivation. this is a really tough one. maybe because I've never let myself be really honest about this. do I want to be skinny. yup. I have this warped idea that skinny people are happy people. THIS IS A BIG FAT LIE. size, wealth, career, marriage, kids. none of those things make a person a happy person. they bring joy to life, but real happiness comes from a much more intense, mysterious place. a relationship with God - creator of the universe, lover of me. the me who is fat. the me who is jealous of all skinny people who eat cookies on thursday's. the me who is self-depreciating. the me who is scared silly of being skinny and is my worst sabotager. the me who is not whole. a relationship with THAT God, my God is what brings happiness. so, what is my motivation? I want so badly to be one of THEM. one of the skinny people. to hell with health & wellness...let me stop, because I could rant forever [honesty is HIGHLY overrated!!!]. not to hell with health - I want to be fit. healthy. to live long and enjoy my kids. I want to be healthy [which leads to skinny-ness...hehehehe!]. ALL OF THAT to say this: my main source of motivation is my health. I don't want to be a bad example for my children and I want to be alive and moving in 20 years.

Day 18:
"On a calendar or spreadsheet, place a BIG sticker, star or check mark on every day that you met your goals or took positive action steps. Over time, your calendar will become a visual reminder of your progress towards that long-term goal. It will also remind you that the occasional bad day doesn't have a major effect in the long-run."

ohhhh!! I could do this! I have a calendar, I have stickers. better yet, I HAVE STAMPS!!!

Day 19:
"Find a goal buddy. While your support group should still be in place, a person who is striving for the same goal can offer greater support, inspiration and accountability. He'll count on you just as much as you count on him."

not a lot of applicants on the last job offer I put out there...any one interested in this one??

Day 20:
"Visualize. Sit comfortably, breathing deeply, with your eyes closed. Envision yourself reaching that goal. How has your life changed? How does it feel to accomplish it? Picture all the steps you took to reach that point and believe in yourself."

interesting thing happened this weekend. I was feeling rather fat and miserable, then I saw a picture of myself from the beginning of the summer of 2002...it's amazing what losing 25lbs will do. I can't beat myself up too much. although I have been at a standstill for 9 months, I have still been a big loser. other thing, I saw this girl at this thing I was at this week and I thought to myself, "I really want to look like THAT"! I can also see my skinny ass in "THE SKIRT", the WONDERFUL, super-gorgeous black skirt that hangs in my closet!

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

I pulled out the camera...

I love pictures of the boys playing...they both had their shirts off and they were rolling around!! such fun!

Sunday, January 14, 2007

a few more days

Day 13:
"Take advantage of technology. Sign up for motivational emails or text messages, set reminders on your computer, or have a friend call and check in on you. These little things will keep you focused no matter where you are."

anyone up for the job??? yeah, you THINK I am kidding...but I'm not. if you want to apply as motivational coach, just email me!!

Day 14:
"Reward yourself. For each milestone you reach, plan something fun. Rather than using food or skipping a workout to celebrate, stay on track with: new clothes, a massage, a vacation, movie tickets, a book, a day off work, or a gym membership."

I have reward issues. I am not a good saver. I don't save money well, I don't save treats, I just am not a good saver. AND I usually use food as a reward. yeah - that doesn't help. I am working on it though. I got an old navy gift certificate from my parents for christmas and I am saving it to buy something when I get down to 189lbs. THIS is my immediate goal, that really isn't seeing a ton of action. I need to go back and read my posts from days 1-3.

this week - we're working on the water. 3L per day, EVERY day this week.

Friday, January 12, 2007

and on a better note...

okay, not really better, just cuter! ty is teething and awake at 10pm...but here are some pics [literally taken mere minutes ago!!]

I so need to blog...with a glass of wine in hand

but I don't know where to start. and be warned...this is LONG!

I have a couple of days of calendar things to comment on, maybe I will start with that!

Day 10:
"Don't expect perfection. You will mess up, make mistakes, and forget along the way. The key is persistence and a willingness to learn from your mistakes. Focus on what you have done right instead of dwelling on the negative."

yup. this came on the wrong/right day. aunt flo is here for a visit, and she came with a vengeance. chocolate & dr pepper. my pms vices. good to know that I honour my cravings and cut myself some slack...grrr.

Day 11:
"Practice saying, thinking and writing positive things about yourself. Acknowledge and take credit for the things you've done well, and recognize your abilities and talents. Keep a list to add to, think about, and read to yourself daily."

oohh...this is a tough one. I am so self-depreciating that I forget to say, think & write positive things about myself...I always fear that someone will pop up and say "yeah, you think you're good at THAT...well, let me tell ya honey, you're NOT". big insecurities. k, here's a list:
1. I am a reflective person & know how to be fairly honest with myself about myself
2. I am a good mother and wife - and I have wonderful kids and an amazing husband
3. I am creative...I am decent at the piano, I can stamp up a flurry, I can put together a sharp looking web page, I do totally fun, creative things with my kids at school...
4. I am a good teacher

that's the list for today!

Day 12:
"Develop a plan B. Work, travel, or kids will disrupt your routine, so create alternatives walk during lunch, choose healthy fast foods, or wake up earlier. Doing something is always better than doing nothing."

okay. after the day after I had today, I need a plan B. let me give you the run down on my day.
7:00 - leave the house with the boys [coffee in thermos, cheerios in baggy!]
7:35 - drop the boys at john's mom's house
8:00 - arrive at school, drink my coffee, eat my cheerios, finish paperwork that is due at 9am
8:30 - take a handful of kisses from a HUGE bag in the staffroom, eat while I am rushing to finish my paperwork
8:40 - bell rings, kids come to class. paperwork, coffee & kisses...all finished!
9:10 - call from the office telling me that I have to meet a student when she is dropped off [we'll call her K]
9:20 - start explaining the CAT-3 [a big ol' test] to my students when I get a call that K is needing an escort into the school
9:30 - K tells me that if anyone looks in her direction she will punch the f***ing sh** out of them
9:35 - I lock all the classroom doors in the elementary wing of the school
9:36 - K is pounding on the window of my classroom door yelling obscenities
9:40 - joy and I approach K to talk to her
9:42 - scott joins us
9:45 - K puts her boot on her fist and breaks the window
9:47 - we carry K down the hallway to the staffroom in a restraint and we get verbally assaulted by a 10 year old girl [bee-astard, crack head...all sorts of new ones in addition to being threatened with all sorts of harm]
10:20 - a staff member from the group home finally shows up, I debrief her
10:35 - K is escorted out of the school
10:40 - carol hands me a coffee [she sent her TA to tim's, knowing I would be in need of one!]
11:05 - my kids are done with computers and I debrief with them
11:30 - the car dealership calls so that I can give them a complete run down on what EXACTLY happened on my way to school yesterday when my car broke down
11:35 - yvonne's turn to pay for lunch...we go to the pita pit and I have a falafel pita [YUMM-O!]
11:50 - back at school...another handful of kisses
1:55 - recess. some more kisses and a diet coke
3:30 - leave school [grab up some more kisses for the road] and go to superstore to pick up supper & a bottle of wine
4:10 - get to john's mom's house to pick up the boys
4:30 - leave her house
4:35 - dealership calls again...they are going to replace the alternator
4:40 - in line at tim hortons. more coffee is needed
4:55 - finally have a coffee [and let's be honest, cor...2 donuts] in hand
5:30 - pull up at home
5:35 - pizza in the oven
6:00 - wolf down 2 pieces of pizza and a glass of wine
7:00 - chase supper down with a chocolate letter.

yeah. I need a plan B. any ideas??? seriously - the best idea will win a prize.

Tuesday, January 09, 2007


I so don't feel like blogging. LOL gotta love it when it starts like that, eh?

"Create a motivational collage. Find inspiring pictures, encouraging words and quotes, or anything that reminds you of your goal. Glue it all together and place it where you can see it daily. This is your vision a clear, motivating, and energizing reminder of who you want to be."

I am way too exhausted to do this tonight, but I want to do this...sooner than later. maybe if it goes well, I will post a picture. I am in debate on whether or not I should stay up for house...but it's house...how can I not??

oh yeah, and the blizzard is a-coming...or at least according to all the weather people. :o)

Monday, January 08, 2007

yup. it's called a blog.

"Start a journal. This can be a simple notebook or a computer document. Use it to track your progress, record your successes and learn from your mistakes. When you have a bad day, use it to remember why you chose these goals and how far you've come."


boy lesley worked us hard tonight...I planked, baby! and 6 push-ups; aiming for 10! and although it is still before 9pm, I think I am heading to bed. first day back at work always drains the energy!

small post, long day! GOOD NIGHT!

Sunday, January 07, 2007

I almost forgot today...

okay, well not the day, but I almost forgot to blog my goal calendar thingy! tomorrow is my first day back at school...not too sure if I'm excited or dreading it. well, dreading it would not be saying it correctly. I am worried that the whole "taking care of me" thing that I have been working on will fall by the wayside once the busyness kicks in! mmmm.

day 7:
"Enlist a diverse support system instead of just one buddy. These people should be encouraging or knowledgeable in helpful ways, whether swapping healthy recipes, exercising with enthusiasm, or sharing weight loss tips."

k, I have a list:
suz, mom, cor, erika & all the sparkle girls!

oh, and I made a decision. looks like doing the half this summer might not be a great idea with my holiday schedule [oh, poor me!!]; so my mom suggested to work on my 10k and do speed/strength work so that I would do a better job on a half the next time I do it. not a bad idea.

Saturday, January 06, 2007

day six

"Share your goals with family and friends for invaluable support and assistance. Confiding in them is a powerful motivator for helping you remain consistent and persistent. Some may be willing to modify their own lives to help you giving up soda or watching the kids while you hit the gym, for example."

I think that I do this well...well, for those who actually read my blog & hold me accountable! yesterday was a great eating day. my calories were at 1575 when all was said and done and I drank 12 glasses of water! yippie!!

I updated my su! website...thanks for the reminder, suz!

Friday, January 05, 2007

oh, I forgot nate's pic!

a sad, sad day

remember yesterday, when I was talking about the oc? yeah. check THIS out. grrr.

I stamped yesterday! and the boys created some wonderful works today! [and no, ty did not spell his name or draw the happy face...he did the more abstract part of the art!]

day five

okay, so I re-thought my action plans. on my first 2 goals, my action plans are already in place. on goal #3 [only intaking 1500 calories] I need an action plan. here's the plan: eat a high fiber, high protein breakfast...something that will sustain throughout the morning...or at least until recess! at recess, have a small snack...since lunch is only an hour later - like a cadbury thin chocolate...only 100 calories, and a bit of a treat. pack & eat a healthy lunch [which isn't usually a problem] and know that on friday's I do lunch with yvonne...and that's an okay thing!! for afternoon recess, have my cheerios - filling, snacky & low cal...and if I am having some 3:30 food issues, stop for JUST A COFFEE...and if starbucks calls my name, just get a tall sized fancy drink, not a stinkin' venti! I know if I follow this day-time plan, there is lots of room for supper and room for a snack in the evenings. I have to endeavour to not eat after 8pm...maybe a goal John & I can work on together.

day 5:
"Make a realistic timeline to stay on track. Deadlines turn wishes into goals. Give yourself adequate time to complete each action step and choose a date when you hope to reach your overall goal. If you haven't started working on your goals yet, today is the day!"

okay, as far as the eating/calorie thing goes...I want to be in a groove by the 19th...that is the friday of the end of the second week back at school. all my exercise starts back on monday [yippie] and I want to be strong enough to do 10 pushups [with no crashes] by the last monday in january! my financial goals will have to start happening in february [when there is money to finance things with!], and after some conversation with john!

just so you don't think I totally forgot my third goal from day one, I haven't. it's just one that is more long term and doesn't need immediate attention. it depends upon goal two, since paying down our line of credit will inable me to go back and get my master's degree...hopefully in the 2008-2009 school year. I'm still praying about this one.

Thursday, January 04, 2007

guilty pleasures...

guilty pleasure #1: the OC. okay, PLEASE do not think less of me even though I stoop to the 2000's version of 90210...but I totally LOVE this show!

guilty pleasure #2: hot dogs. so I don't eat that many of them in a given year, but tonight for supper, I had 2...even though they put me TOTALLY over my calorie limit.

guilty pleasure #3: stamps. yes, I know you all know about THIS one, but I am just coming out and announcing that I am finally the proud owner of the paisley background stamp!!

"Develop an action plan for every goal. For example, a healthy eating resolution may involve: earning more about good nutrition, visiting a dietitian, finding ways to adapt your recipes, buying containers to pack lunches, learning how to prepare new foods, and planning extra time for shopping and cooking. Don't overwhelm yourself with every action step at once, but focus on a few things each day."

I think I have an action plan for my goals, especially the first one. I have my punch card for my class & I am planning to be able to do 10 push ups without crashing by the end of january. I am also registered for my walking class. now, if I had done what I was suppose to do yesterday, I'd have my goals in front of me and therefore be able to comment on the rest of them! yeah, I put that paper in my bag! I'll look them up and do an "action plan" on the rest of them.

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

day 3

"Post your written goals in places where you'll see them often—on your computer or fridge, in a picture frame on your desk, as a bookmark, and in your wallet. These reminders will help you stay focused and on track."

good idea! I will do this right now...

on another note, I had a bit of a past moment thingy today. coffee with kathy at starbucks in chapters on whyte, a walk past susan & shonnette's old apartment, a whiff of that soap place under the parking lot next to o'byrnes [ahhhh, the distinct smell of lush!!]...talk about having all sorts of memories flood back. but for the grace of God, go I.

so I was listening to some music...

in my car and this song came on, rather unexpectedly. and even more unexpectedly, I began to cry. maybe this is my theme song for this upcoming year. especially the last two lines of the second verse. that's how I feel all the stinkin' time.

Sometimes the night was beautiful
Sometimes the sky was so far away
Sometimes it seemed to stoop so close
You could touch it but your heart would break
Sometimes the morning came too soon
Sometimes the day could be so hot
There was so much work left to do
But so much You'd already done

Oh God, You are my God
And I will ever praise You
Oh God, You are my God
And I will ever praise You
I will seek You in the morning
And I will learn to walk in Your ways
And step by step You'll lead me
And I will follow You all of my days

Sometimes I think of Abraham
How one star he saw had been lit for me
He was a stranger in this land
And I am that, no less than he
And on this road to righteousness
Sometimes the climb can be so steep
I may falter in my steps
But never beyond Your reach
[Rich Mullins, Sometimes by Step]

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

day 2

"Are your goals specific and positive? Rather than vowing "to exercise" for example, reword each goal so that it is clear and measurable."

okay, here are the specifics:

I will go to my exercise class 2x per week & I will do my walking class on Saturday mornings. I will do a 10k this spring and the 1/2 marathon again this summer.

When I buy fancy drinks at starbucks, they will be a tall size, instead of grande!

I will track my calories daily & keep to 1500 calories.

John and I will put $400 on our line of credit, every month and $100 will go into our savings account.

I will only use my SU profits to buy new product.

Monday, January 01, 2007

Happy 2007!

okay, I am going to cave. I am not usually one for new year's resolutions, but this year I am going to try something new. I downloaded a goals calendar from sparks people and for everyday in january, I am going to journal the points they mention. so....here goes!

"Happy New Year! If you haven't yet settled on your top goals for the year, do so today. Writing own your goals (in specific terms) means you're more likely to achieve them."

my top goals are as follows:
1. actively work at losing weight
2. pay off debt
3. figure out my career

NOW, on another note, last night was a ton of fun...there is nothing like just relaxing and hanging out with friends [and family!]. it was a nice evening, and for that I am so grateful! okay, well, except for the fact that my kids were up WAY too late & are super cranky today...grrr!!