Saturday, January 20, 2007

I've been lazy...

with my daily blogging. I have a whole week of "calendar topics" to write about, so you'll have to bear with me. [keep in mind I am a tad distracted by a naked dancing boy...yes, naked, dancing and singing "I like to move it, move it"]

Day 15:
"You're halfway there! Today, look back on your progress and reevaluate your goals. Are you on track with your time line? Is your goal still important? Are you motivated? Make changes to your goals, if necessary, to keep the momentum going strong!"

okay. no progress. the scale has not budged. well, it's budged, just not in the right direction. grrr. some progress overall with my goals though. I have gone to my class 3 out of 4 times. I can do about 8 push ups. I guess I am feeling a bit discouraged as I write this because it's been a bit of a challenging eating week. over on my calories most days and it's like I just can't get that part of the puzzle in the right place.

Day 16:
"Avoid saboteurs. People will try to persuade you to go against your plan, whether they feel guilty themselves or jealous of you. Ignore them. Share your goals with positive people and stay away from these topics around the negative ones."

can I say that school is a saboteur?? yeah, especially on thursday's - snack day. grrr. can I blame school though? nope. no one is forcing me to eat that cookie.

Day 17:
"Write about your motivation in your journal. There are many reasons you chose your goals—better health, self-esteem, or happiness. Put all these reasons on paper and read them when you need motivation."

my motivation. this is a really tough one. maybe because I've never let myself be really honest about this. do I want to be skinny. yup. I have this warped idea that skinny people are happy people. THIS IS A BIG FAT LIE. size, wealth, career, marriage, kids. none of those things make a person a happy person. they bring joy to life, but real happiness comes from a much more intense, mysterious place. a relationship with God - creator of the universe, lover of me. the me who is fat. the me who is jealous of all skinny people who eat cookies on thursday's. the me who is self-depreciating. the me who is scared silly of being skinny and is my worst sabotager. the me who is not whole. a relationship with THAT God, my God is what brings happiness. so, what is my motivation? I want so badly to be one of THEM. one of the skinny people. to hell with health & wellness...let me stop, because I could rant forever [honesty is HIGHLY overrated!!!]. not to hell with health - I want to be fit. healthy. to live long and enjoy my kids. I want to be healthy [which leads to skinny-ness...hehehehe!]. ALL OF THAT to say this: my main source of motivation is my health. I don't want to be a bad example for my children and I want to be alive and moving in 20 years.

Day 18:
"On a calendar or spreadsheet, place a BIG sticker, star or check mark on every day that you met your goals or took positive action steps. Over time, your calendar will become a visual reminder of your progress towards that long-term goal. It will also remind you that the occasional bad day doesn't have a major effect in the long-run."

ohhhh!! I could do this! I have a calendar, I have stickers. better yet, I HAVE STAMPS!!!

Day 19:
"Find a goal buddy. While your support group should still be in place, a person who is striving for the same goal can offer greater support, inspiration and accountability. He'll count on you just as much as you count on him."

not a lot of applicants on the last job offer I put out there...any one interested in this one??

Day 20:
"Visualize. Sit comfortably, breathing deeply, with your eyes closed. Envision yourself reaching that goal. How has your life changed? How does it feel to accomplish it? Picture all the steps you took to reach that point and believe in yourself."

interesting thing happened this weekend. I was feeling rather fat and miserable, then I saw a picture of myself from the beginning of the summer of's amazing what losing 25lbs will do. I can't beat myself up too much. although I have been at a standstill for 9 months, I have still been a big loser. other thing, I saw this girl at this thing I was at this week and I thought to myself, "I really want to look like THAT"! I can also see my skinny ass in "THE SKIRT", the WONDERFUL, super-gorgeous black skirt that hangs in my closet!

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