Monday, December 24, 2007

reflections on a christmas eve morning

I have slept. it's amazing to me how a good night's sleep can change my outlook dramatically. and this morning, I sit here - watching the boys play & watch "cars" for the kazillionth time - listening to sarah mclachlan sing "noel". I wonder why I purchased this album, since I really don't like it.

phew! itunes has graciously changed to mariah! not too sure what's better.

but I have digressed, because what I really came to talk about is the most excellent cup of coffee that I made this morning. now, I enjoy good coffee. I enjoy strong coffee. but perfect coffee is the right mix of savory & robust, no bitter aftertaste. phil, one of the student teachers at our school this last term, gave me a pound of starbucks espresso [espresso regalo] beans, ground for an old school espresso maker. well, today I tried my hand at my own americano - espresso with boiling water...and the product: DELISH!

I guess to me, it's something like taking time to smell the roses. I haven't been taking the time to enjoy my coffee - or anything else, for that matter. maybe that's why I've been feeling so yucked lately. sorta numb and rather out of control. I have had little patience with my kids, less patience with my husband, and no patience with myself. my emotions seem out of control and I am reigning them in with food. I am so sick and tired of this spiral. so tired.

so at this crazy, busy, wonderful time of year, I am going to forget about all the things I didn't do. I am going to not feel guilty over the cards I didn't send and the phone calls that haven't been made. and I am going to just be. be amazed by the truth that my God loved me so much that he sent his son, the divine clothed in the skin of a wee baby - a baby that would change the course of history. and that his name would be Immanuel - God with us. prince of peace. wonderful counselor. christ the lord. and when I play "silent night" tonight, and my heart has a chance to be calm, I am going to just be in that moment. Jesus came so that lives could be changed. and mine needs some serious changing. o come, o come emmanuel.

all of this because of a cup of coffee.

have a blessed, peace-filled day.

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