Thursday, November 07, 2013

dead for the day

I have no voice.  okay, well I have a bit of a raspy bit of loveliness, but I really have nothing.  my chest is heavy and the cough deep, so it's been a day of coffee, the voice - the blind rounds, facebook and NOT TALKING.  oh, and John bought me a blizzard.  what a good man.  so I am not a reality show watching kinda girl.  I like my crime dramas.  I watch the chew - ck, baby.  freakin' fabulous.  and the voice.  I had 14 episodes sitting on my pvr and today I needed the inspiration.  music is my jive.  yes, I may be home on a couple of sick days, but emotionally I've needed a break as well.  I kinda eluded to it in my last post, but things have been a bit nuts in my world lately.  and not even for me, but for the people I love most.

loss.  pain.  disappointment.  hurt.  it's tentacles have touched me in direct and indirect ways.  mainly indirect.  but it's my peeps that are being touched directly, so it's me too.  does that make sense?  breakups, death, miscarriages, relationship crap, more death.  for real.  all since the beginning of october.

so I have a very unique job.  I say it often, but I am the most blessed person in the world.  I get to go to work every day with people I adore.  love.  admire.  and I get to be the go-to person in my building.  and I don't say that in an arrogant way, but I sit in a most lovely office that just begs people to come in, take a chair and pour their hearts out.  and it's my privilege to hear their stories.  it's a privilege to laugh with them and cry with them.  it really is.  but like I said, my office has seen more tears than laughter lately.  I feel it all, I've walked it all with them.  so my heart is heavy at news that one of my dear friends has again today experienced another loss.  we can't seem to get a win.

I know in my soul that joy comes in the morning.  that the sun rises again.  spring always comes.  hope.  it's there.  I just need to get healthy.  physically and emotionally.  to refill my soul so I have something to give.  it's what I'm good at.  it's what I am so lucky to be able to do every day.  self care is what I preach, yet I often forget to take my own advice.  so today is about taking care of me.  hence my pjs, hours and hours of the voice {and some AMAZING music, by the way!}, lots of coffee and my couch.    and I'm going to hit the repeat button tomorrow.

this song came across my fb feed this morning.  it made me smile, just because dave grohl is playing the drums.

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