Tuesday, November 29, 2011

lonely boy

listening to some early release tracks of the new black keys album.  I'm pretty excited about this new music; their first single, lonely boy, ROCKS.

I know I haven't blogged in a while.  I've seriously had my brain full of school stuff.  and ty has been giving me a run for my money lately.  and for my wonderful six year old, it's been a november full of 11:00 sleep times.  yeah.  this started after the time change.  coincidence or conspiracy?  yeah.  my thoughts too.  needless to say, I took him to the doctor and she suggested melatonin.  it's made a world of difference.  like tonight.  both kids asleep BEFORE 9:30.  it's like I can just sit and take in the silence.  no fighting.  no drama.  no tears.  just silence.  sweet, sweet silence.  {oh, except for the black keys!}

a couple things in my head.  random and slightly related.

I leave for vegas on friday.  less than a week until I'm walking another 21k.  13.1 miles.  I have to get use to changing up the distance.  it's totally throwing me off.  today I did my last training walk.  3 miles {aka 4.8km} in 45 minutes.  this is good.  my dad said that if I did that entire race that fast that I'd be finishing in 3:15.  that said, I don't think I can maintain that pace, but it won't stop me from trying.  at least in the first half!  between the illusion of the distance that is ALWAYS vegas and the miles/km conversion, I'm going to be all "off".  but hey, my shoes are packed with my imodium.  trust me.  I'm not with my mom this time and I need to have ALL my bases covered!!!

so are you watching "the new girl" on fox?  WHY NOT???  I have a soft spot for the strangeness that is jess.  that said, a couple of episodes ago there was a conversation between jess and cece about your affections lying where your feet point {or something about that}.  then today, I was talking at a pd session with a principal who was trying to prioritize some things with his staff and the words "where are your feet pointing" came out of my mouth.  and I proceeded to talk about if you are pointed in a direction, any decisive direction, that your budget, your decision making, your priorities must all point in the same direction or you run the risk of exposing your inauthenticity.

and now I've been thinking.  about the truth in that statement.  and the fact that my feet and the rest of my life have been pointing in different directions.  and it's created a discontent in my soul.  a disharmony.  I've been saying one thing, and doing another.  and then I wonder why I can't get it together.  and honestly, I don't know what needs to move - my feet or the rest of me - but something needs to.  something is really not lining up in my life and I am feeling some clarity in a way I haven't felt in a long time.  and yes, alignment has began in small ways as of late, or perhaps my heart was just being prepared for some movement.  for some discontent to change and morph into something a little more authentic.  for contentment to have a season in my life.  I don't know how this all looks, and I'm sure I'm not going to love how this all feels, but I am excited to have a few days alone with John in vegas so that we can make a plan to get back on track - health/diet wise, financially, as parents, and as help-mates that are forging this road together to build a good and decent life for the "four fraser family" {as the natester calls us}.

alignment.  authenticity.  change.

where do your feet point?  are all your resources heading in that same direction?

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