Sunday, July 21, 2013

crazy in love

10 years ago.
10 years ago, I had no idea how my life was about to change.
10 years ago, I couldn't predict how one person would change my life.
10 years ago, I didn't get it.
10 years ago, I wouldn't realize how difficult and wonderful and amazing it would be.
10 years ago, I had no clue.

it seems like a lifetime ago that I drove myself to the hospital, hoping John got the message that I was heading to the hospital.  and it seems like yesterday, that I was standing in my friend's kitchen wondering if I had peed my pants, when really my water had just broken.  Nate's birth story isn't super exciting, but it had its drama.  induction.  epidural.  baby in trouble.  c-section.  baby out.  done.  and then the blur.  learning how to breast feed {THAT was fun}.  navigating the pain of a c-section with the need to take care of a new born.  being afraid to use the washroom, even in the hospital, because he was unattended.  wondering where the "I'm in LOVE with my baby" feelings were.  not knowing I was suppose to keep track of my pain meds {sheesh!}.  but also knowing that we were now responsible for this little boy, this sweet, wonderful, perfect little boy.  totally overwhelmed and totally under prepared.

and on the eve of his 10th birthday, I'm still clueless.  I still don't get it.  and I am still amazed by this young man that lives in our house and that we are blessed to call our son.  he drives me crazy, yet every night I get to pray with him, kiss his head and hold his hand.  he knows how to push my buttons, but he's totally okay with cuddling with me on the couch.  he isn't the most outgoing kid, but he's coming out of his shell and I can't bear to think that in the next 10 years, my influence will decrease.  my sweet boy, my sensitive, kind boy.  may your heart always be soft and your mind keen.  I don't think I've treasured the last 10 years the way I should have, but I know that you are a part of me.  you were the one to first call me mom.  you are my firstborn.  you are my son.  I love you, Nate and I'm so proud of the boy you are growing up to be.

No comments: