Friday, January 02, 2015

on this winters night

wow.  four days in a row of writing.  it's almost like I'm on vacation!  okay, well really tomorrow morning it's back to reality.  the t-man has a hockey game at 9am.  that means, in this crazy snow, leaving the house at 720am.  I'M NOT READY FOR EARLY MORNINGS!!!!  the natester also has a game tomorrow.  we're back in the swing of things, baby.

and I am on a pretty massive sugar detox.  {GIVE ME SOME CHOCOLATE!!!}  there is one way of eating that makes me feel like a million bucks and that's no dairy, no wheat and no sugar.  it's as hard as eff to stick to, but I sleep better and feel better when I eat smart.  and then there is the weight of two large thanksgiving turkeys that I gained over the last 11 months.  yeah, that shit needs to go.  I'm tired of my clothes not fitting.  sigh.  and really, I've let this define my mental health for the last long while.  it's time to exercise some grace and forgiveness towards myself.  and let it go.  {feel free to break into song now!}

I have a couple of things in my favour right now.

first, the momentum of motivation.  I have felt VERY unmotivated for the last six months.  I know that sometimes behaviour needs to change in order for attitude to come alongside, but this has been the biggest motivational drought that I've had in a long time.  about ten days ago, I woke up and just felt better.  I went and bought some skates {thanks for the great present, honey!!} and decided that I wanted to lace them up and get in the game.  literally and metaphorically.  I knew at the end of november already that I was in need of a full stop, but didn't realize how big this need was.  so instead of waiting for motivation to hit, I'm going to start changing my attitude AND my behaviour, in an effort to create my own motivation.

second, I've found some experts and I'm getting some help.  asking for help is so incredibly difficult for me.  in my head, it's a sign of weakness.  which is absolute crap.  so baby steps here.  I went on-line and signed up for a few different things and have begun to create a bit of a support network.  I need a positive voice when my voice can veer towards the negative.  so a 10 day do-over challenge, a gratitude jar, a diet-bet and a fairly rigorous plan to eat like a rock star are some steps to get support in place, while making significant changes.

third, three days without sugar BEFORE school is back in.  well, that's good for everyone {except my husband and kids who have to put up with me for the next couple of days!!!}.  it's worth it, I know it is, but why do I have the worst sugar cravings right after eating the healthiest salad ever??  sheesh.

fourth, starting things while I have a bit of time.  I have consciously avoided all school related activities: professional reading, checking emails, planning, checking get the idea.  I've exchanged my usual work-focused behaviours with new ones.  writing.  cooking.  listening to serial {OMG!!  I only have 4 more episodes to listen to!!!!}.  reading a novel.  skating and playing hockey with the boys.  watching all of this season's episodes of NCIS and blue bloods.  {gibbs and frank reagan and coach taylor.  I get a ridiculous amount of leadership training from watching these characters on tv.  don't tell me I watch too much...I'm calling it professional development!}

and all this for what?  I feel better today than I have in a really long time.  I need to keep this business of self-care going.  for my mental health.  for my physical health.  for my family.

No comments: