day six

"Share your goals with family and friends for invaluable support and assistance. Confiding in them is a powerful motivator for helping you remain consistent and persistent. Some may be willing to modify their own lives to help you giving up soda or watching the kids while you hit the gym, for example."

I think that I do this well...well, for those who actually read my blog & hold me accountable! yesterday was a great eating day. my calories were at 1575 when all was said and done and I drank 12 glasses of water! yippie!!

I updated my su! website...thanks for the reminder, suz!

oh, I forgot nate's pic!

a sad, sad day

remember yesterday, when I was talking about the oc? yeah. check THIS out. grrr.

I stamped yesterday! and the boys created some wonderful works today! [and no, ty did not spell his name or draw the happy face...he did the more abstract part of the art!]

day five

okay, so I re-thought my action plans. on my first 2 goals, my action plans are already in place. on goal #3 [only intaking 1500 calories] I need an action plan. here's the plan: eat a high fiber, high protein breakfast...something that will sustain throughout the morning...or at least until recess! at recess, have a small snack...since lunch is only an hour later - like a cadbury thin chocolate...only 100 calories, and a bit of a treat. pack & eat a healthy lunch [which isn't usually a problem] and know that on friday's I do lunch with yvonne...and that's an okay thing!! for afternoon recess, have my cheerios - filling, snacky & low cal...and if I am having some 3:30 food issues, stop for JUST A COFFEE...and if starbucks calls my name, just get a tall sized fancy drink, not a stinkin' venti! I know if I follow this day-time plan, there is lots of room for supper and room for a snack in the evenings. I have to endeavour to not eat after 8pm...maybe a goal John & I can work on together.

day 5:
"Make a realistic timeline to stay on track. Deadlines turn wishes into goals. Give yourself adequate time to complete each action step and choose a date when you hope to reach your overall goal. If you haven't started working on your goals yet, today is the day!"

okay, as far as the eating/calorie thing goes...I want to be in a groove by the 19th...that is the friday of the end of the second week back at school. all my exercise starts back on monday [yippie] and I want to be strong enough to do 10 pushups [with no crashes] by the last monday in january! my financial goals will have to start happening in february [when there is money to finance things with!], and after some conversation with john!

just so you don't think I totally forgot my third goal from day one, I haven't. it's just one that is more long term and doesn't need immediate attention. it depends upon goal two, since paying down our line of credit will inable me to go back and get my master's degree...hopefully in the 2008-2009 school year. I'm still praying about this one.

guilty pleasures...

guilty pleasure #1: the OC. okay, PLEASE do not think less of me even though I stoop to the 2000's version of 90210...but I totally LOVE this show!

guilty pleasure #2: hot dogs. so I don't eat that many of them in a given year, but tonight for supper, I had 2...even though they put me TOTALLY over my calorie limit.

guilty pleasure #3: stamps. yes, I know you all know about THIS one, but I am just coming out and announcing that I am finally the proud owner of the paisley background stamp!!


"Develop an action plan for every goal. For example, a healthy eating resolution may involve: earning more about good nutrition, visiting a dietitian, finding ways to adapt your recipes, buying containers to pack lunches, learning how to prepare new foods, and planning extra time for shopping and cooking. Don't overwhelm yourself with every action step at once, but focus on a few things each day."

I think I have an action plan for my goals, especially the first one. I have my punch card for my class & I am planning to be able to do 10 push ups without crashing by the end of january. I am also registered for my walking class. now, if I had done what I was suppose to do yesterday, I'd have my goals in front of me and therefore be able to comment on the rest of them! yeah, I put that paper in my bag! I'll look them up and do an "action plan" on the rest of them.

day 3

"Post your written goals in places where you'll see them often—on your computer or fridge, in a picture frame on your desk, as a bookmark, and in your wallet. These reminders will help you stay focused and on track."

good idea! I will do this right now...

on another note, I had a bit of a past moment thingy today. coffee with kathy at starbucks in chapters on whyte, a walk past susan & shonnette's old apartment, a whiff of that soap place under the parking lot next to o'byrnes [ahhhh, the distinct smell of lush!!]...talk about having all sorts of memories flood back. but for the grace of God, go I.

so I was listening to some music...

in my car and this song came on, rather unexpectedly. and even more unexpectedly, I began to cry. maybe this is my theme song for this upcoming year. especially the last two lines of the second verse. that's how I feel all the stinkin' time.

Sometimes the night was beautiful
Sometimes the sky was so far away
Sometimes it seemed to stoop so close
You could touch it but your heart would break
Sometimes the morning came too soon
Sometimes the day could be so hot
There was so much work left to do
But so much You'd already done

Oh God, You are my God
And I will ever praise You
Oh God, You are my God
And I will ever praise You
I will seek You in the morning
And I will learn to walk in Your ways
And step by step You'll lead me
And I will follow You all of my days

Sometimes I think of Abraham
How one star he saw had been lit for me
He was a stranger in this land
And I am that, no less than he
And on this road to righteousness
Sometimes the climb can be so steep
I may falter in my steps
But never beyond Your reach
[Rich Mullins, Sometimes by Step]

day 2

"Are your goals specific and positive? Rather than vowing "to exercise" for example, reword each goal so that it is clear and measurable."

okay, here are the specifics:

I will go to my exercise class 2x per week & I will do my walking class on Saturday mornings. I will do a 10k this spring and the 1/2 marathon again this summer.

When I buy fancy drinks at starbucks, they will be a tall size, instead of grande!

I will track my calories daily & keep to 1500 calories.

John and I will put $400 on our line of credit, every month and $100 will go into our savings account.

I will only use my SU profits to buy new product.

Happy 2007!

okay, I am going to cave. I am not usually one for new year's resolutions, but this year I am going to try something new. I downloaded a goals calendar from sparks people and for everyday in january, I am going to journal the points they mention. so....here goes!

"Happy New Year! If you haven't yet settled on your top goals for the year, do so today. Writing own your goals (in specific terms) means you're more likely to achieve them."

my top goals are as follows:
1. actively work at losing weight
2. pay off debt
3. figure out my career

NOW, on another note, last night was a ton of fun...there is nothing like just relaxing and hanging out with friends [and family!]. it was a nice evening, and for that I am so grateful! okay, well, except for the fact that my kids were up WAY too late & are super cranky today...grrr!!

a few pics!

so, I've been fairly stampy lately :) I thought I'd share a few of my newest creations!
the first two cards are the same design, just different colours [I ran out of bashful blue...grrrr], but I kinda like the cool carribean one better. who knew!

the day of the eve of the last day of the...

okay, well you get the idea! I love new years eve day. almost as much as christmas eve day. people are friendly out and about. there is an air of anticipation, hope and promise wherever you go today. people are excited and happy. I like that. okay, well I guess it's easy for me to comment before I even head out the door. I will report back...when I get back!

eta: okay, I lied. people are miserable. grrr. doesn't mean I can't be happy, right?? SWEET!

I was doing okay until

I went to someone else's house and ate their crap. no seriously. yesterday was like my all-time best eating day in like 3 months. then I left my house. then all the resolve and strength and everything I had just turned to dust in my hands. wrong. just wrong, I say. k, so going cold turkey on the no sugar thing doesn't work for my psyche. but do I have to go overboard? every time? like all the treats in the world are going to be gone forever? yeah, no. one treat. one delectable little treat. one that is savoured and enjoyed and loved in the moment. it's always going to be there, wherever I go. like an alcoholic or a coke addict, the craving will always be there in some form. it's what I do with it that matters. I just don't need to eat like I will never have again.

not too sure what I should title this one!

k, so I've spent the day doing nothing. not quite nothing, I have tided the kitchen - sorta, surfed the web for all things entertainment-ish/gossipy, played on scs, surfed everyone else's blogs, drank a shmuck load of coffee, watched the boys play, missed the sunrise [we were all still in bed at 10:30 this morning!], but watching the sunset [yeah, at 3:40...gotta LOVE edmonton!]. okay, so it's not like it's nothing, but nothing really productive. it's okay to have days like this, right? I did make a few phone calls today too...even better! have I thought about dinner??? yeah, nope. I am thinking about running the dishwasher...that would be productive. I am going out tonight...stamping at katherine's house. what can I say - boring life! and I LOVE it!!

today I have been working hard at drinking all of my water. I have had 4 glasses already, and a bottle sitting in front of me. mmmm. not feeling too motivated!

I've been thinking of listing in my blog the other blogs that I visit daily - would that be cheesy? maybe I should host a blogger-licious contest with prizes...would that be fun? mmmm. all the things a person can do!

nate is playing "going to connie's" and ty is throwing bottle lids around the living room. that means he got in the drawer...gotta go!

some thoughts

so, my christmas cards will officially go into the mail tomorrow. I have to be honest, I have christmas card issues. who to send to...just out of town folks or friends and family. so, I am sending out a general apology to all of you who do not get a christmas card from the fraser family this year. a couple of things may have happened: a) I ran out of cards; b) I ran out of stamps; c) I just saw you in person; d) all of the above; e) what the heck am I doing worrying about christmas cards on boxing day for???

on another note, I am now back to speaking "ctu": "the only reason you're not dead is because I don't want to carry you", "is that an active protocol?", "chloe, can you run an interface on that?"...yeah, it's awful around here [hehehe!!]. we are re-watching season 5 in anticipation for season 6 in...18 days!

and have I told you how much I LOVE the new iPod that has become a member of our family. little nano is making all of us happy!

I finally feel like I am back to normal...4 days after school was out - that's how long it takes me to decompress [another "bauer-ism"]. I've had some good sleep and some time with a decent book and a ton of coffee...all that with the boys screaming around me. I am so glad that life can get back to normal so quickly! SO, if you are dying to do coffee, give me a hollar...I am around all week. alone. with kids.

some more pics!

thanks mom, these rock!

pics from the last few days!

above all other days...

I love christmas eve. and I miss some of the traditions we had when we were kids. it used to be that we'd all pile into the van and go to my oma & opa's church on christmas eve, listen to the solders on the radio as we passed all the houses lit up on 137th ave. and maybe most memorable, going to oma & opa's house to open gifts and eat treats [dutch treats that we only got once a year - like marzipan or those little chocolates in the shapes of wreaths]. a couple of years ago [maybe just 2 years ago] it was decided that christmas eve would be at uncle hank's house instead. it just doesn't feel right. that was the same christmas that was john's mom's first christmas alone, so it seemed proper to start creating our own traditions with our own kids. so tonight, for the second year, we are going to spend christmas eve with john's mom. we'll open the gifts that the boys get from us, with her. and when all is said and done, we will try to make it to uncle hank's...just because. even though the tradition has changed, the people have not.

it will be a strange gathering without marcy & andrew and the kids. marcy is the "get-everyone-together-and-keep-the-conversation-going" sibling. we're going to miss that this year.

so tired

I feel negligent. I have neglected my poor blog and the blogs of others. school is finally done and I am so exhausted. and I feel bad - I still haven't mailed out christmas cards; they're done, just not in the mail yet. and I've totally neglected my friends as of late...stuck in my own little world. it's only 7:30, but my bed calls. how sad is that? if I go to bed now so much stuff will just not get done...and who feels like wrapping gifts on christmas eve? yeah, not me. oh, and there is laundry that is calling my name. and yet, in light of all things good and special, my issues seem sorta insignificant and selfish. and if y'all are going to hold it against me that christmas cards didn't show up...well, you get the idea!

ANYHOO...
Suz, I just read your blog...I haven't been just not calling all week - I seriously had no idea. and I am really sorry.

and Shelley - thank you for the kind pm :o)

a good saturday night!

so we took the boys to see candy cane lane tonight...it's quite warm out, and the lane starts just a few blocks away. we bundled the boys up in their winter gear and headed outdoors. nate LOVED it and ty has decided that he can say the word santa - yeah, great going! good times, though...and that I enjoy!

not too sure even where to start

I think this has been one of my most intense teaching weeks of my career. as a result, I feel like I am in an impasse. I know without a shadow of a doubt that God has a plan for me and I know I am doing what I need to be doing with my life, but at this moment it just doesn't feel like it's enough. maybe I am just in denial about the spiritual aspect of my job. or maybe I am in tune with it and that's why this week was so incredibly difficult. I have a little girl in my class who is in so much crisis that I am paralyzed by my concern and so totally annoyed that I've let it get to me and on the other hand, know that if it didn't get to me, I would have to quit teaching. she has been an on going concern and this week it came to a head. her mom has no support network, no one to lean on and she is trying hard, but she's alone with a high, high needs child. and in all of the hurt and pain for this little girl and her mom, I keep hearing the words "hold on. perservere." how do I do this? how can teaching hurt so badly and affect me in such a raw way? I feel like this week has brought me to a crossroads. an impasse. I am on the verge of a huge career move. am I quitting teaching? yeah, not on your life. I have toyed with getting my masters degree in assessment, reading, special needs but I have decided I need to do crisis work with kids. okay, I didn't say that correctly. I already do crisis work with kids. I need to continue. it's okay to feel bad. it's okay to hurt. and it's okay to care. and cry. and do whatever I can to be Christ in their lives. I have thought about the path I need to take with my career and whether or not I would move in to a mentor/consulting role or whether I would pursue administration. I chose the latter. I need to remain in school. I need to stay where I am. I need to talk to Chris. and I need to go back to what I know: my job, my ministry, my life was made for this moment. I need to just perservere through the pain and grow into the woman-teacher-mother-wife-sister-daughter-friend I was born to be.