Thursday, May 11, 2006


so, my knee survived an hours walk...and after a week without walking, I also survived!! rae & I went over by her house and it felt really great to be out there in the fresh air. speed & distance still need to be improved, but hey, that will come sooner than later.

now, about the dumb-ass food. I either need to get a grip or stay fat. I so cannot deal with the latter, so I'd better get working on the first. how many friggin' times do I need to talk about it and talk about it and talk about it...FOREVER. grrr. I like how my body is starting to look, I enjoy wearing nice clothes - that are smaller and cuter and bought in a regular store. but why, oh why, in the heat of the moment, do I eat a 500 calorie scone? or 2 pieces of yummy pumpkin square? WHY????!!! I feel like something needs to click in my brain. maybe that needs to be the focus right now - little sticky notes on my desk, my water bottle, my computer, my FORHEAD! maybe I just need to get MAD.

I was watching Oprah today and they were talking to women who abused their bodies either with food...both over & under eating; the common thread was self hatred. so here's the question of the hour: do I hate myself so much that I will continue to abuse my body? and really, it's not even mine, but created for me to take care of. do I really have that much anger and hatred towards myself? I don't think I do, yet the way I treat myself seems to indicate something else. this bothers does my attitude as of late. bottom line, I am not liking all my negativity right now. it is coming through in my relationships with my family. it is coming through in my classroom. it is coming through in everything and I SO don't want that.

so here's the deal, cor...SMARTEN UP! GET A GRIP! and in the words of Winston Churchill, "never, never, never quit". and even better, in the words of Paul, "it was for freedom that Christ set us free". and just because I can't resist, in Mel Gibson fashion, FREEDOM!!!

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