Thursday, June 02, 2011

no arrows

well, day one wasn't awful.  but it wasn't great either.  there was some ice cream tonight.  and a rum + diet coke just an hour ago.  but other than that, it wasn't awful.  an okay first day.  I am having some emotional eating issues in the last 24 hours.  I am trying not to think too much and therefore distracting myself with food.  there have been some fairly significant kid issues at school this week and some are just hitting a bit too close to home.  I am pms'ing big time and the combination of this type of stress and hormones are creating a bit of a perfect storm.  I mean, I had mcdonalds for the first time in FOREVER on tuesday night.  a two cheeseburger meal.  and I don't even eat beef.  I suspect I will pay the price on the scale on saturday. that said, I am due for a long walk tomorrow.  and a salad.  I am craving these two things.  sigh.

in other news, we have grass!  {yes, this news deserves it's own line!!}

and I get to accompany the grade 9s out to camp for the day tomorrow {we get to go to nakamun!!}.  a day away from "the building" will suit me just fine.  there are just some stressors that are not good for my spirit.  and I feel just very heavy with information I am carrying.  I know I'm being vague.  I have to be.  but if you are the praying sort, pray that I have words to speak and the instinct to know when to speak them.  as hard as today was, I know more than ever, that I am where I am suppose to be for this moment.  but in knowing that, I also feel helpless.  I am not seeing hope right now.  perhaps some sunshine and a day outdoors in a beautiful camp will change some of that.  tonight I ate some ice cream and drank some rum just to distract myself from thinking.  tomorrow I'll get in a canoe and work my body hard.  and perhaps the need for tonights "medicine" will not be needed tomorrow.

1 comment:

mandy said...

We have a local nutritionist/chiropractor (don't ask) who says the guilt/stress effects of eating that donut will do more harm than the actual eating of the donut. I'm not sure if I believe him. But that's what he says.

And it sounds like you are under a lot of stress & I'm sure the pms stuff doesn't help. I can understand the pms-eating thing. There's that 3-day stretch that makes me wanna eat the house down.

Believe it or not, though, exercise seems to quell that. Isn't it odd? And it'll fight back all those stress chemicals in your brain. I'm only saying this because it works in my life. I haven't exercised in two weeks and I've been disproportionately stressed for the past 4 days.

Ok. I'm done. I think you're awesome. This is your hill to climb & it doesn't look like mine, but I believe you can do it!

You can do it. You can. You're strong!