another saturday...

do you ever feel like time just passes without stopping for a breather...ever? I feel like the weeks and the days just slip pass me...and I am not living each moment to the fullest. I do too much, I worry too much. too fast. without thinking. not living each moment. like a photographer capturing stills, moments in time, I want to capture all of it in mental pictures. if I could slow it all down, I could do it. I could live the sweet life. the life that takes time to just enjoy a coffee, read a book, savor a fine wine. I don't want days that are just like the rest, just another saturday. I want tomorrow to be extraordinary - how do I do that? I need to change how I view myself. I need to make me [my emotional, spiritual, physical self] a priority. I have reflected on this time and time again, but reflection is meaningless if it doesn't bring about change.

on another note, john is finally ready to join the frey - he stepped on a scale this weekend and is SO not loving what he saw. FINALLY I will have an ally in my journey [not like I've been flailing about all alone, but I have needed to get john on side]...I need his support in all of this. I easily succumb to his temptations of chocolate & ice cream, but no longer. as of today, we will be a formidable force!!

I can't breathe...is that how you spell it???

no seriously...I am SOOOO stuffed up. nate is crying. ty is playing. we are watching tv. I want to stamp, but I am not feeling very motivated. I need another smirnoff! as usual, tomorrow is going to be busy - pictures in the morning, then a huge stamping meeting in millet in the afternoon. perhaps I will do 3k at the gym in the evening. I should be planning my walks a bit better. mini goal: no sugar tomorrow. one day at a time. oh, and a salad too...I need to up my veggie quota. I am tired. sick. grrr!

k, off to lament further in my drink!

oh, and I need to read this week - then I will have something to REALLY comment on!

I MISS YOU!!!

I miss my friends. I miss going for coffee, stamping, chatting on-line. I feel SOOOOO disconnected. grrr. I need my support group to show up and tell me to get a grip, stop whining and most importantly - STOP making excuses for why I choose to eat crap. I need a slap across the behind to get me to straighten up.

on a good note, I walked 7km tonight with my mom & joy. not only did I walk it, but I kept up - 7k in 1 hr...THAT IS BETTER THAN I HAVE EVER DONE!!! oh, and I wore my new size 14 jeans yesterday...WOOHOO!!!

grrrr

the weather sucks. the boys are snotty. I so dislike grey days. I need to buy groceries tonight. I need to go to the gym. 3k is on the schedule for today. grrrr. I just feel blah.

on the good side, I am excited about the show at susan's today...I think I planned some cool new things to demo. WOOHOO! I just can't find my spring mini's ANYWHERE. grrr. LOL. I need to just snap out of the funk.

maybe a shower will do the trick.

yesterday...

was a total write-off on so many levels. nate is sick. ty is teething. I caught nate's cold. my TA was sick yesterday. everytime I stood up I thought I was going to fall over from dizzyness. I purposly ate ice cream so that I would get sick...yeah, not pretty!

today is MUCH better! we all got a good nights sleep last night. my TA is back and feeling better. my stomach is feeling a ton better. I hate being sick.

tonight I am going to walk 5k with rae. I saw the summer mini this morning, so I am thinkin' there are a couple of things I am going to *need*...LIKE THE COOL DOUBLE SIDED PAPER!!!

and I am excited about my show for susan on saturday...I think I'll prep for that tonight!

my calories the last 2 days have been on track & my goal today is to drink all my water - it's easy to forget throughout the day.

terms of the bet

whoever eats sugar this week [chocolate, candy, baked goods, white bread/pasta/rice, soda] has to do the dishes for a week! I think I will win!

we did our second walking class tonight & 3k...tomorrow another 3k. game is on baby! my walking week is all 3ks until the weekend. I paced rae tonight & that worked well. and I think I need to eat more for breakfast - I am running short on my calories by 6pm, then I am eating a bigger meal-type snack too late in the evening. I need to adjust my intake...

oh, and I forgot to pick up my pictures today. grrr!

and ty is 10 months old today. my sweet, sweet little boy!

phew!

I am tired tonight. it was a long day home doing nothing! okay, so I did do the laundry and I mounted my expressive flexible phrases [finally!] and I cut my hand open fixing the crib! so I did a few things. tonight I ran some errands...and tomorrow the fun starts again.

on the food front, this weekend was a bit of a write-off, but tomorrow john & I are going to go sugar-free. he doesn't think I can do it and I know he can't...so the bet is on! and hey, the oilers made the playoffs so things are happy in this house of boys!

a new tradition...

I think I started a new tradition this morning. nate & I were up early, so I boiled some eggs and he decorated them. maybe this is going to be the start of a new tradition with the boys...decorate eggs for the grandma's and opa on easter morning. we decided to go to my mom & dad's church this morning...since our church met last night. I should think about getting ready!

la dolce vita

the sweet life. I just need to slow down to enjoy it.

we are going out for dinner tonight - a great greek restaurant around the corner from us. not just us though, but it's our easter church celebration. usually we do potlucks on holidays [christmas, easter, thanksgiving], but this time everyone was wanting to do family stuff on sunday, so a saturday evening easter dinner it is! I have totally watched my calories today so that I don't have to worry this evening. I am just going to go and eat and enjoy some time with my family & friends.

my shins were killing me today. I only did a 20 minute walk [only 2k] because I thought I was going to die...okay, well of embarrassment if I fell off the treadmill! I have a feeling that I need new shoes...that will have to wait until payday. grrr.

size 14's, diet coke, chili, 5k & church

k, so the title sums it up.

I went to old navy the other night and my butt fits into size 14 jeans. okay, before you all start getting excited, they were stretch & my post-pregnancy jelly-belly was hanging over the top...so although they fit, they don't quite look attractive. I didn't buy them, but I have some coupons so I might go in the next few weeks...then maybe they will both fit & look attractive!

I discovered black cherry vanilla diet coke this weekend. I have never been a diet soda lover, but I miss pop. this I can handle.

I made a batch of chili tonight - meatless & full of yummy flavor! it's a 2 pepper chili!

my mom & I walked 5k this morning. my legs are KILLING me, but that's okay - my first 5k under my belt...tomorrow I will try for the same, only alone on the treadmill.

so I went to beulah for their good friday service this afternoon. as blah as I find beulah, it was an okay service...k, let me rephrase: the singing was good! I am glad I went, blah or not; it was a good opportunity to reflect on the day and the meaning of the holiday [I am so anti-bunny, I thought this week might just do me in!].

fave pics o' the day!

thanks, irene!

free day

well, today was my free day for the week. chinese food for lunch, a peep for a snack, coffee for dinner. not a great eating day, but I knew that going in and I made the best out of my free day...all the treats I love!!

irene sent me some of the pics she took of the boys. I'll post my fave in my next post, but kudos to her for being AMAZING with a camera!!

I went to find erika's book last night...the store didn't have it; maybe amazon will. and the post office says I have a package - HOW BIZARRE!!! I wonder if they are open tomorrow...I am ULTRA curious!!

let's get walking!

new pic of nate at the park last night! he SO didn't want to go home!

well, started our walking class tonight. 3km, 30 minutes, kept up with my mom & marcy with no problem - not winded or anything! it is a rigorous training schedule...the next 20 lbs will slide off my butt if I continue with my good eating and follow my training sessions. my next reward [when I lose the next 20] is a short hair cut & dye...so if you see me walking on the street looking all hip & funky, you'll know what happened!

happy times [week 2 at work is far better than week 1!]. and hey, my clothes smell ultra clean with my new environmental detergent!

this evening...

so I strapped on the sneakers and hit the pavement this evening. a 30 minute powerwalk did its trick: it cleared my mind, I spent some time praying, thinking about my week and I just enjoyed the fresh air.

on tuesday we start our 1/2 marathon class. hopefully they will give us a walking schedule. regardless, I think I will accomplish many goals if I just hit the street with my shoes once a day, even if just for half an hour. ALONE. it will build up my walking stamina. it will allow me to reflect on my day. it will be my time of solitude with God.

the verse in galations keeps coming back to me "it was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to the yolk of slavery." and I printed off erika's steps from the book she is reading [which I may just have to purchase!]. this is not just a physical transformation for me anymore, but a spiritual one - one that is deeply affecting every element of who I am. scary & exciting, all at the same time.

a quickie check in!

it's sunday. it's sunny. I bought some groceries for the week. I crossed over into no-mans-land of organic-earth loving laundry detergent. some influence erika & andrea are...ignorance was SOOOO bliss. [yeah, a touch of sarcasm there!] so, thinking of watching passion of the Christ on good friday...who's gonna come watch it with me??? huh? anyone? anyone???

early on a saturday morning

well, surprise, surprise, ty was up at 7 this morning...ready to face the world. too bad no one else was really interested in getting up with him. yeah. so here I sit, ty on my lap [he's eating some puffs!], realizing that my first saturday morning is not going to be spent in bed. grrr.

so I am in contemplation about some modifications. I totally succeeded in doing one week with no sugar. then this past week, all good things fell apart as my life spun into chaos. anyone who knows me knows how I feel about chaos. not a happy thing. I realize that I've gotten through the hardest week...that it is just going to get easier, more organized, not so chaotic, but in the meantime, I need to set myself up for success. how can I do that and reach my goals? well, the main motto of my week has been "when you fail to plan, you plan to fail." for the most part this is true. I need a better plan.

no sugar? a great ideal - practically speaking, not too sure if I can maintain it right now. so here is the NEW plan!

• no soda
• no chocolate bars of any kind, even the 100 calorie kind!
• no cake, donuts or other commercially baked goods...especially if they are the ooey, gooey Tim Horton's caramel kind
• no fructose-glucose
• if I choose to have a sweet treat, it needs to be homemade, within my calorie range or not one of the things listed above.

for example - my low fat puddings are okay, a caramel donut is not. a homemade pumpkin muffin is okay, a store bought one is not. a piece or two of dutch licorice is okay, a kitkat is not. although I am not going to go entirely without sugar, hopefully this gives me a bit of wiggle room so that I am being responsible in my food choices. I don't want to have another binge thursday where I eat one cookie and all hell breaks loose. not a good thing.

things that make me laugh!

"I see spider man"
"really? where?"
"at the pee-a-ter"
"really? what was he doing?"
"fighting. mom, I see gerorge too at the pee-a-ter"
"I know, nate"
"with daddy"
"in movie with yellow man hat."
"the man with the yellow hat?"
"movie in pee-a-ter. and lickish."
"you like licorice?"
"with daddy...[slight pause] and daddy eat and I eat at the pee-a-ter"
"see curious george mom?"
"no sweety, you saw it with daddy"
"yup thank you. I like pee-a-ter at the movie mom."

the day after the night before

well, back on track. I was so extreamly tired last night and ty wanted to be fed non-stop. could it be a result of his feeding strike? oh yeah, big time. he is not taking the cup at all from shirley...he will eat food, but drink? heck no. he saves it for the evenings and then it is NON-STOP! grrr. a little frustrating. I really hope that it settles down sooner than later.

big news for nate tho - he pooped on the toilet last night. first time ever at home [rumour has it that he has done it at grandma's house, but who knows for sure??]. tonight, after supper, I think I will take nate for a walk...the weather has been so nice and that will get us outside for a bit.

I am also going to spend some time reading my book before bed. I don't have to be quite so organized for tomorrow morning, since I do the "getting ready" and the driving. I need a few minutes alone. I also would like to get some of my stamps mounted. my free SAB sets are sitting there are lonely. how sad.

I did a bad, bad thing

okay, so everyone is allowed to have an off day once in a while, but this one turned off the road BIG TIME! too many calories. mcdonalds. ice cream. grrr. good thing tomorrow is a nice, fresh, important, ordinary day. back on track - count the calories, no sugar, tons of water. I CAN DO IT!! [k, that sounds like Bob the Builder]! and I think I need to have a smart snack in my bag for after school - that hunger at 330 is what throws me off.

a new fave

I took these pictures on sunday of nate's feet...I just adore little feet and these make me smile! A good day today, considering everything that I could have envisioned going wrong while I was at school went wrong. john dropped ty this morning...so a 15 minute delay. ty refused milk of any sort from shirley. nate had tons of accidents after a pretty successful weekend. but, all that aside my class is a dream. such nice, hardworking kids.

john & I went to see rob thomas tonight at the jube...what a great concert. and what a nice time out with my husband without kids. it's all good.

I have been continuing to read my book & memorize my galations...but I am too tired to put them into words right now. I'll have some time tomorrow morning.

first day back

well, it's 830...15 minutes before the kids show up through the door. I am sitting at my desk, looking at all their little desks, wondering what this day will hold. I am SOOOO very tired - trouble falling asleep. I wonder why??!! I am hoping that the boys and John got off okay, with everything and on time. I know that the first couple of days are going to be hard, but that's okay. all things will settle into a routine very soon. I brought my oatmeal & apple to school with me and took some time to eat and have my coffee...so I feel like I have some energy for the day. that and my HUGE water bottle!! phew! I don't think there is anything I've forgotten...and if there is, I'll just have to deal with it when the time comes. nothing is so important that it can't be done tomorrow.

and tonight, John & I are going to the Rob Thomas concert...yeah! that should be fun; to bad it had to be on the evening of the first day back at school!

solitude pt 2

I am still reading...read last night. He talks about solitude and what it means...how it is more than just aloneness, but coming face to face with ourselves and confronting ourselves. how we have 2 basic flaws - anger & greed and that these need to be confronted, overcome and destroyed if we are truly to be effective in ministry, life, relationship - especially our relationship with God. out of this solitude comes true compassion. once I finish this section, I am going to take a few days to ponder.

the whole sugar thing is going well - I am totally craving spicy now! I met some of the girls at Vi's yesterday [which was SUCH a nice time and we so totally need to do it more often!], and although I was hungry, I looked at the cakes and pies and not a lot looked appealing. then I got home and had a dream about cake!! LOL well, perfection is NOT achieved, there is progress.

since I've been so contemplative as of late, I will be sharing some of these things in the songs I've picked for church today...I hope I can share a part of me with some clarity.

solitude pt 1

I need some. not just physically becuase I feel like I am on the edge today, but spiritually. all the poop, naked 2 yr old, colds, teething, feeding, changing, dressing, napping, cleaning, cooking has officially zapped my energy. I need some time alone. just to meditate. think. ponder. stamp. be.

and it is april 1st today. I have been doing a pretty good job with my goals this month...in all, I lost 4 pounds - that's an average of one a week. I'd really wish it would be more, but I have officially lost 20lbs since november. and good riddence. I don't EVER want to see that 20lbs again. as a reward for my first 20, I bought myself new shoes [okay, so I bought them last week, but I haven't worn them yet!]. when I lose the next 20, I am going to reward myself by cutting all my hair off.

my goals for april are:

• continue with no sugar at least until easter, if not longer
• continue to drink 2.5-3 L of water per day
• exercise 3 times a week: sunday's at the gym, tuesday's on my walk [starting on the 11th], friday's at the gym

I'll continue to report!