Tuesday, May 24, 2011

I will not be broken

so I was having a chat with a friend tonight and we were discussing music {we like the same kind, overall} and blog titles.  I always have a good chuckle when I see where my blog visitors are from - and trust me, they come from everywhere.  oh, and these are not blog readers, these are blog visitors.  damn google.  I have good reason to think that it has everything to do with my blog titles.  I hate thinking of titles.  I can't be witty all the time.  I have an old brain that doesn't like to think.  so a couple of years ago I just started using song titles as my blog titles {hence all the random visitors, looking for band/lyric websites!}.  often they mean nothing.  and occasionally they are chosen with intent.  but when you see the sometimes obvious pattern in my blog titles, you will know darn well what album is currently seeing a lot of playtime on my iTunes account.  and perhaps, this is sometimes the most subtle way I know to express emotion without having to spell it out.

when I blog, I am often tired - I usually write at the end of my day {unless it's spring break or summer vacation!} and so I don't always feel like my content is of value to anyone but myself.  I write for me.  I write because when I speak, I solve problems.  I dig deeper.  I evaluate my motives.  I break down my intentions.  I make changes.  I commit to change.  I become who I was meant to be.  but because my audience is usually just myself {no offence, all you lovely readers out there!}, I don't always take the time to be deep and meaningful.  I sometimes ramble on about the mundane.  the ordinary.  but when you string a week of blog titles together, sometimes you get a glimpse of where I'm really at.  the details behind the "fine" when asked "how are you doing?".

so yes, I am currently all about ben harper as I try to avoid my life - thinking too deeply, holding to my self-imposed commitments, and other serious things that involve decision making - and I just sail on the tides of letting myself plan and dream and live in a place where I can sit on a hill with my friends and see nothing but candles and hear ben harper's voice sing only for me.  avoidance.  it's where I am right now.

good thing tomorrow is a new day.  fresh with no mistakes on it.  with mercies that are new.  'cause this weekend may have beat me up just a bit!!!

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