neon tiger

and then just mere hours later, I feel better.  not 100%.  and to be honest, maybe the aleve has kicked in.  needless to say, I think that a 90 minute hot yoga class is out of the equation for tomorrow.  perhaps I need a day.

a strange thing happened during bikram this morning as I was helplessly destined to lay on my mat for 45 minutes {I started trying to write this earlier, but got a wave of exhaustion and nausea and couldn't do it!}.  instead of turning my head off, I used the time to think.  to focus.  to re-focus.  I've been in a self-imposed pause for the last six weeks or so and it's like I had a moment where I felt like it was time to stop pausing and start moving forward.  I was reminded of my word for 2011 {grace} and how perhaps it's time to start extending it to myself.  forgiving myself.  and my scripture for this year also came to my mind:

"come to me.  get away with me and you'll recover your life.  I'll show you how to take a real rest." {matthew 11:28-30...I just took out the middle part this time}

rest.  recover my life.  learn the unforced rhythms of grace {it's in the same passage}.  rest.  recovery.  grace.  and in all of that, it came to me that I need to start by taking a huge step in trust.  and it has to do with forgiving myself.  and trusting that I am forgiven.  I'm not even too sure how to form my words around this other than to say that I feel like the time has come to start moving forward again.  and for me, it starts with being in relationship with people who can support me.  hold me up in prayer.  encourage me.  and occasionally kick my butt.

rest.  recover.  grace.