Saturday, July 30, 2011

come thou fount

so a couple of weeks ago, I read THIS.  and it got me thinking.  I struggle with looking at myself too closely because I really worry that the truth I find there will be as black and dark as I suspect.  I hate most...okay, of myself and I really have some serious self-esteme issues.  I don't see myself clearly.  I am self-depreciating.  that said, I am evolving.  changing into someone who appreciates myself.  and in learning to forgive myself, I am learning to love.  I don't hate all pictures any more.  I am good at many, many things.  I am passionate.  predictable.  unpredictable.  unique and ordinary all at the same time.  I am opinionated, yet swayed by a good argument.  I am an early adapter.  I love, love, love three brand names - mac, starbucks and paul frank, yet I don't understand people who advertise for free.  I am a complete walking contradiction.  and that's okay with me.  for today.

so I made a video to represent my self-portrait.  lots of pictures of me {I fight saying "ewwww"}, but I am beginning to like what I see.  I fought to not include pictures of my family, especially the kids.  it's so easy for me to deflect.  but I included my creative passions - teaching, playing piano, media stuff at church, making things with paper, writing and inadvertently photography.  and I included just images of things I love.  coffee.  my desk at school.  reading.  my computer.  tulips.  chocolate covered cherries.  walking.

and then there was the music.  I chose three songs with great intention.  the first is "wade in the water".  it's an old southern/black gospel hymn that just has the potential to morph and move into wonderful things.  this rendition I recorded at the end of church one sunday.  I was on keys and I hit play on my iPhone record button and the band just played.  it's not a great recording, but I love it.  then the second song is "one day" by matisyauh.  there is something about the lyrics in this song that I love.  it's a feel good thing that goes beyond a well crafted song.  look it up some time.  better yet, look up the video.  it's darn good.  then the last song is "come thou fount" by sufjan stevens.  I first heard this rendition during an episode of friday night lights {season 4, by the way!!} and I fell in love with it.  I love that show, and it's my favourite hymn.

so we're going to see if I can embed this. {and yes, I am editing to fix the quality!!}

I found that doing this was hard.  I had to look closely at myself.  I had to really reflect.  but I think I learned a few things.  taking pictures of myself {and then looking at them} is less foreign.  I have always been very cognisant of my creative skills and talents, but I saw myself in a bit of a new way.  as a finisher.  an athlete.  strong.  independent.  able to think in different {but good!} ways.  now I just need to embrace this new/old me.  she's always been there, just a bit scared to come out.

1 comment:

Frances said...

That was amazing Cori. And you look fabulous in the pictures. Don't know if i've ever mentioned, but there are times, when reading your blog, that I wonder how you snuck into my head (especially since we don't know each other that well) This was one of them. And "come thou fount" is probably my second fave hymn...