read my mind

so we've had some snow.  total understatement of the century.  like two feet in the last day and a half.  and the wind is not making it any better.  I have had a serious workout - twice yesterday and then again this morning - every time I go out an pick up the shovel!  and because the mountain of snow is higher than me at a mere 5"3', it was a total shoulder workout!!  and don't get me started about the drive to church this morning.  ha!  the grater's have been out since I left and now there are two lanes on the road leading to our neighbourhood, not just one!  the kids are going stir crazy - two days of inside is a bit dreadful.  so, I kicked them out, yesterday and today.  this first picture is from yesterday, the other ones are from today!

and, it occurred to me last night that today, I am officially 18 months from turning 40.   eeekkkk!!!!  I am having a mini freak out.  not over "getting old" or anything like that, but every transition into a new decade is always a bit mind blowing.  kinda like, "how the heck did I make it through 40 years and still be acting like I'm 17?"  it's just another transition of the old brain, but still.  a little freaky.  it's kinda like I am half way through my life, or at least the good years of life.  anything over 80 is a serious bonus, but I don't anticipate over 80 being full of quality as far as the ol' body staying in working condition!  so, what's the plan for the next 18 months?  do I have a list of things I want to do before I'm 40?  not really.  however, I don't want to be the same person at 40 as I am right now.  physically, emotionally and spiritually.  I want to be at a healthy weight.  and I want another tattoo.  and I want to be healthy.  in an emotional sense.  and I want to just be a different person.  so that's maybe my thing.  just not stalling.  not stopping and not fearing change.  am I asking too much of myself?  am I expecting too much?  perhaps.  but if I don't ever try, I'll never succeed.  I saw a quote recently... "take the first step in faith.  you don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step." {martin luther king jr.}  and this one "don't be afraid to fail.  be afraid not to try."  bottom line, I need to spend the next 18 months working on me.  every aspect of me.  so that I don't do what so many do:  leave the decade in the exactly the same state as I entered it.  only 10 years older.  not gonna happen here.