Sunday, January 02, 2011

thistle & weeds

I wish.  I wish I lived in this snow globe.  and not just any snow globe, but THIS one [not all snow globes have coffee and music].  I've owned this snow globe since 1999.  it's eleven years old.  the christmas of 1999 wasn't a great time in my life, if I do recall!  it was also about three months before I started dating John.  and, the world was suppose to end.  remember Y2K?  yeah, I vaguely do.  since then, some pretty monumental things have happened in my life.  kids, marriage, job, house...

today, however, I'd like to run away and go live in my starbucks snow globe.  the glittery snow could fall and I could sit in starbucks.  alone.  enjoy a coffee and just watch the world pass by.  and just be.  in my snow globe world, everyone is happy.  there is no chaos.  only love.  and joy.  and if I kept going this way, I'd finally get to the word boring.  ha!  

I could be friends with the girl playing the guitar outside.  the pike place market is just around the corner.  I could eat fruits and veg and just be happy.  right?  see, we're getting to the boring part!

I think this kinda my view of God.  like he's got me in a snow globe [one far less boring!] and he shakes it occasionally to make it snow [literally!] and there's a solid piece of glass separating us.  and really, there's no relationship.  just a guy.  shaking the snow globe.  although today I am really craving my snow globe world, I am very thankful that this isn't reality.  it's been a strange start to this year.  I've been a bit of an emotional wreck - damn hormones.  and I feel that there is a constant tug.  a calling.  a thing.  asking me just to come.  to be silent.  to be still.  and I am actively attempting to drown out the voice.  and the problem is that in this relationship, there is no big pane of glass.  just my maker asking me to come and rest.  telling me that the end is better than the beginning.  I read THIS last week and it got me thinking - and makes me thankful again for grace.  and for all that it is.  and it's nudging me towards extending grace, since I am hiding upstairs in my bedroom totally trying to be angry but thinking in hindsight that I'm just being a tad stupid.  I don't live in a snow globe of perfection.  I can't run and hide. and I need to start just extending some grace where it's enveloped me.  man, I can be so daft.

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