teardrop

I don't do change very well.  I do better when the things changing are within my control and better yet when I am given the time and space to adapt.  but lets be honest, most change does not fall into these categories.  most change is not within our control.  and most of the time, we don't get time or space to adapt.  right now, I'm on the edge of experiencing both types of change - the self-initiated and the "it's just coming, hold on for dear life" kind!

1.  I have not been feeling like I've been an effective parent.  I am busy, we're busy, they're busy and I just am not doing a really great job.  and no, this isn't guilt talking, just a reality check.  my kids are pretty decent kids but I am not liking some of the habits they've picked up due to my laziness/business/tiredness.  so with all the other change happening in the next bit, I feel like it's an opportunity to change how we do business in our house.  and it's going to start with each kid having some chores.  they are old enough to pick up all their crap.  and old enough to keep their bedrooms clean.  they've been old enough to do these for a long time now, but I've just been too lazy, tired and busy to reinforce it.  I know that self-induced change needs to come with some internal motivation, and I don't have a ton of that, but it's change that needs to happen or I'll have THOSE kids.  the kind that don't know the value of work.  or that think their mother does everything.

2.  john starts his new job this week.  well, he has orientation on wednesday and begins "for real" next monday.  this new job is shift work.  and although I know that I can adjust to a different schedule, I also know that my schedule [specifically at work] has no flexibility to it.  I am worried.  more about my ability to change than about john's ability to handle working nights.  he'll be doing four days on, two days off, four nights on, six days off.  repeat.  ha!  I know I can do this, but I feel like I have no control over this and what if I go nuts being home with the kids by myself when he's doing nights?  it's a bit irrational, I know.  hence the reason I need to do a bit of a parenting overhaul.  I need the kids to be able to go to bed at a decent hour so I can get things done around the house, since potentially, I could loose a couple of my saturdays.

on the flip side, there is much to be grateful for:
1.  john got a job fairly quickly.
2.  this job is only five minutes from our house.
3.  the kids and I will be forced into a bit of a routine - we have one now, but it's a bit lame!
4.  all of this will force me to say no to some things, just due to scheduling.  not a bad thing.
5.  and I am super grateful that we have extended family {and most excellent friends} that can step up when it gets to be too much or when there are scheduling conflicts.

so I may be worried.  I may be apprehensive and generally cranky as of late, but once we get into the swing of things, I'm sure this change will be a good one.  and hey, I'll have someone looking out for me when I climb the back fence and walk to the casino!!!  LOL