Monday, April 25, 2011

violet hill

nothing like the sore throat from hell to wreck a long weekend.  out of the blue, with no warning, it hit on saturday night.  and it was a solitary sore throat.  well, after barely sleeping on saturday night, sunday morning - the day in which I was suppose to start enjoying booze again...I mean the day that we are suppose to celebrate the resurrection of our saviour - was AWFUL.  I don't remember much of church {three extra strength cold f/x, some b12 plus advil cold and sinus makes for a foggy brain}, and dinner didn't taste completely right {thank goodness for take-home containers!}.  plus, chocolate doesn't taste quite as good since my round 1 of a lovely sugar challenge.  sigh.  I had one glass of wine with dinner.  a coveted bottle of layer cake {the shiraz} just wasn't as good as it was at christmas either.  nothing was good yesterday.  we walked in the house and I took some more meds and went straight to bed.  easter sunday sucked.

this morning, although it hasn't been a ton better, has been better.  we haven't had to leave the house.  I haven't had to shower yet {okay, but I totally need to because I STINK!}.  the kids are watching movies.  and I've been able to enjoy a pot of coffee with my mini bottle of baileys.  this cold has migrated from my throat into my sinuses and chest, but the whole "throat on fire" thing is gone.

so tomorrow I start my round two of a sugar challenge {I wasn't around for their round one so for me this is round two, not three!}.  I do make some modifications though.  last time, I cut almost all non-fruit and non-veggie carbs from my diet for two weeks.  I had some grains with dinner, but other than that, I stayed away from grain-based carbs for two weeks.  as a result of this decision, I did not limit my fruit intake, as they are doing in this challenge.  when all was said and done, I saw losses on the scale both weeks, even with this last week having some major hiccups {accidentally/on purpose sugar OD on thursday and ate out a TON on friday}.  because I'm so sick-ish today {and needed to get that mini of baileys out of my system...I've been looking at it for 7 weeks!!}, I am starting tomorrow.  and I am going to keep to my same modifications, only I am going to try having some grain-based carbs with lunch and do more of a salad with protein for dinner.  I just found it hard with school, to pack a salad every day.  not impossible, just difficult.  I'll try this for a bit and see if it makes a difference.  and yes, this means no booze for two more weeks.  I didn't do so bad for lent, so I can do two more weeks, right?  and I suppose if I just HAD to have a glass of wine, I could do one glass.  {yeah, like that ever happens!}  if this is a new lifestyle choice for me I will need to get real about where alcohol fits into it.

I have discovered, over this season of lent, that I can say no.  I can stick to my guns.  I can put up with the jokes and the ribbing from my colleagues.  I can follow through on my word.  I can live in moderation.  I am not a quitter.  I read something interesting this morning that just got me thinking:

"I am unfaithful.  I love the Avett Brothers' line "I like to think that I'm a faithful man but it may not be true" because that's me, always teetering.  I want to be one of the people who gets to hear, "Well done, good and faithful servant" when I am finally face to face with God, but I kind of get the feeling it'll be more like, "Wow, you sure effed up a lot.  Good thing I gotcha covered."" {got this from Tamara Out Loud}.

and it's true.  I may have done the no-booze thing over lent, but that's about all I did.  I bailed on the rest of my lent commitments.  it's a good thing that perhaps that is the whole point.  it's in the failing that I recognize His strength.  it's in my inadequacies that I recognize His grace.  and it's in my unfaithfulness that I see that He is always faithful.

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