well, this is rare.

so ty is overtired tonight. has been all day. in his over-tiredness, he has had numerous tantrums. since I am so all about sticking to my guns [yeah, right!], I decided that his behaviour was completely unacceptable. kicking, hitting, punching and sassing the adults in your life [the adults that gave you life] is unacceptable. under the advice of a good friend, I went with the "time-out" approach. [and don't worry, this is the edited version of the story - there was a lot of screaming and crying and general mayhem along the way!] I hauled him up to his room and asked him quietly to get on to his bed for a time out. he said no. I closed the door. I sat in front of the door. he asked me to let him out. I said no. I asked him to go to his bed for his time out. he said no. this went on [with crying, screaming and chaos] for 45 minutes. and I sure held my ground. this was the hill to die on [and honestly, the hitting and kicking and later, the biting were totally a battle to take on]. however, after 45 minutes and a big welt on my arm, I realized that this kid is more stubborn than me. he can shut me down. now, being as tired as I am, I am surprised that I didn't cave earlier than I did. so I changed tactics and showed some grace. I opened the door just a little bit and offered to take him downstairs for supper. in doing that, he told me that he wishes we still lived at grandma's house. and that he had missed me when I was gone. and he sobbed. I will not excuse his nasty behaviour, trust me, it's NASTY. but, I understand that in that moment, my little boy was overtired, hungry and very sad. [he did eventually go into his time out on his own and said sorry].

then about an hour later, I went to get some groceries and coffee. and I had a realization. I am Ty. I am stubborn beyond measure. I scream and kick and hit and bite when I don't get my own way. I am self-centered and egotistical. and above all, I am in pain. my soul is sad. and my relationship with my little boy right now totally mirrors my relationship with God. and I am currently out of sorts and having a big-ass tantrum. and I am beginning to see my need for grace. and change. at 38 years old, it needs to stop being about me. my wants, my desires, me.

and this summer will need to be about that. about change. about being the person I have been created to be.

but I'm a bit freaked out. okay, honestly, a lot freaked out. but I suspect the end result may be good. and as a firm believer in hope, I'm okay with that.