ya know, I've been really complaining about going back to school, about exercising, about leaving the boys, about potty training, about EVERYTHING; I just had a thought about that & my recent attitude. bottom line, we cannot physically afford for me not to go back to school. yes, if john had a better paying job I could continue to stay at home, but right now that is not an option. and next to staying home with the boys, shirley & john's mom are the next best thing - they are in a christian home being cared for by someone who cares deeply about them. so here's the deal: instead of whining and complaining about it, I am going to do something about it.
I am going to see if I can I can manage something part time for the fall. I am going to look into the 4-1 plan that Edmonton Public has where I work for 4 years, they pro-rate my pay and then I can take 1 year off with pay. I am going to really start praying about john's job situation - either a raise or a better job. and then I am going to do one more thing. I am going to look at my job as a ministry - yes, nate & ty need me, but they get to come home to 2 parents who love them and love each other...I cannot say that for the kids that I teach.
but, this is what I need to do right now, in this moment. and I need to stop being all blah about the whole thing. this past year has taught me a lot of things, about myself, about my relationship with my family, about my relationship with God. I was telling erika today that I was worried that I wasn't going to be able to take care of me. bottom line, I need to change my priorities. my relationship with God needs to come first, "seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will given unto you". if I care for me first [in a spiritual sense], then I will be able to continue to make good choices in how I treat my body, I'll be able to care for my children and my family and I will be able to serve God, using the gifts he has given me...in my job. and what is the thing I can practice in all of this? goodness. seeking first the kingdom of God. seeking His righteousness.
I can do this. because I am NOT alone in this journey. not all will fall apart as I transition into this new phase of my life. so I am going to just stop complaining about it.