till the morning

some of my favorite pictures...I didn't edit any of these, just am posting them!  I can't even put my finger on why I love them so much, just do!

coming back this week has been a bit hellish.  let's be honest, it always is.  it's hard to get back into the groove.  and hey, I just don't really want to do laundry and dishes.  but what's new with that, you may ask...NOTHING!!  lol  I know.  shocking.  and on top of getting back into the routine and trying to avoid the general shunning that often occurs after being away for a few days, I've been working in the office this week.  chris is away, so I'm the boss.  seriously.  they left me in charge.  and I tell ya, it's a good, good time!  yeah.  my stress level is through the roof and today I didn't really eat any real food until supper time.  today was packaged oatmeal, coffee and pretzel m&m's.  WRONG.  on so many levels.

insert amazing segue here - andrea asked me if I'd sign up for a 60 day challenge.  an ass-kicking challenge.  and I think I'm saying yes.  we're doing it through her gym so I'll get my ass kicked all the way until christmas.  SWEET!  considering my diet as of late, it might be a really good idea.  and, considering my fairly fragile emotional state, I'm thinking that a focus on my health is a good, good thing.  and this gym has a boot camp thing at 5am.  is it wrong that I am considering joining?  I am sick of this bulge business.  I am seriously sick of the fat.  and I need to get myself motivated again.  things around me are just falling, falling, falling and if I don't take care of myself and make myself feel some serious pain, it will over take me.  the panic attack I had tonight is proof.

change is coming.  and I'm scared.  terrified.  I have made the first step, but I need to take a ton more.  and I'm panicking.  and so I'm having some rum.  some of my 1.4L bottle of mount gay rum that I spent my last $20 on while waiting in the sea-tac airport.  LOL.  cheers!