I just found a verse in Isaiah that jumped out at me. God is talking to Israel, via Isaiah but today, perhaps today He's talking to me. this is Isaiah 43:1b-4 [from the message]:
"Don't be afraid, I've redeemed you. I've called your name. You're mine. When you're in over your head, I'll be there with you. When you're in rough waters, you will not go down. When you're between a rock and a hard place, it won't be a dead end— Because I am God, your personal God, The Holy of Israel, your Savior. I paid a huge price for you: all of Egypt, with rich Cush and Seba thrown in! That's how much you mean to me! That's how much I love you! I'd sell off the whole world to get you back, trade the creation just for you..."redemption. grace. love. maybe it's time to take my eyes off my unworthiness. my inadequacies. my imperfections. this is a promise that is so rich, so pure, so deep that I have to give up. I have to cave. I talk a lot about grace. but there is a big part of me that struggles to get my head around that kind of love. I struggle to accept that I'm worthy. and then I see this "...I'd sell off the world to get you back, trade the creation just for you..." and in this moment I feel more shamed that I can't accept grace than in the life I've lead up to this point. so I think, no I know, that I need to surrender. I need to give up the fight. I need to process this - work through my head right now. I wasn't sure how this post would develop. and now I don't know how to end it. I usually think through my head when I blog and now, as I blog, I need to do the reverse. think about what I've written.