some pics from last night!

damn the cough!

grrr.

well, cough or not, we did almost 9k this morning. I was commenting to my mom & joy that I really am amazed at how far my fitness level has increased. last year at this time, I couldn't even walk 3k without thinking I was going to die. the weight loss may be slower than I'd like, but I am liking how strong my heart is becoming.

I had big plans to head downstairs tonight and stamp...but I'm not too sure I can conger up the energy. I might just take my meds [gotta love the buckleys...the pills, NOT the liquid!] and curl up with the natester & my wee nano...got a podcast I'd like to finish listening to!

maybe tomorrow I will have erika's package ready to hit the mail, and a start on john's mom's birthday present! oh, and I need to get my oil changed tomorrow on the wave...someone remind me, please?

what a bizzare week

really.

I am SO sick [sore throat...grrr]. okay, complaining out of the way!

good thing convention was so good! [insert chuckle] no really, it was. I got to reconnect with all sorts of people - ALL SORTS! it was all good. people from college, people I used to teach with, old principals, people I subbed for, ex-church people, cousins!

I was FAR too busy this week - in the evenings - so busy that I didn't ever sit downstairs and stamp. well, I did tonight. trying to get a package of stuffs together for erika!

and then there is me! I can hardly believe what kind of great eating week I had. in my caloric range everyday & my gut is feeling a lot better [not that it was feeling bad, but just not good] and more importantly, I am not feeling hungry ALL the time. I have to say though, I think I may need to go into treatment for chocolate pudding addiction...the fat-free, sugar-free kind! mmmmm!!

well, nate is at grandma's house tonight, so john and I have a break - I am going to stop rambling and sit and watch tv with him!

slurp, slurp, slurp!

a couple of happy things

1. a three day "teaching" week [woohoo, teacher's convention!]
2. I did 2 sets of 10 push-ups tonight
3. a whole week of calories under 1500
4. 24
5. my new paper snips

okay, my top 5 happy things for the day...you have any??

some things about a saturday...

okay, not about any saturday...just this one!

I went to my walking class today - 10k in the cold. it took everything in me to do the whole thing. it was one of those walks that you totally have to talk yourself into! but alas, I did finish and my legs are STILL attached to my bum. all is well.

anyways, there was a speaker at our class today that spoke about goals and motivation. and as expected, something struck a cord with me. she talked about writing goals [something I do well...personally & professionally] and then more importantly, about keeping that momentum going [something I have a much harder time with]. she also talked about designing a "to be" goal as well as a "to do" goal. for example, I have a lot of "to do" goals: lose 10lbs before spring break, drink 3L of water everyday, keep my calories lower than 1500 daily. what happens when life steps in? what would I do if I sprained an ankle? or when school gets ULTRA busy? or if a kid gets sick? lets be honest, life happens to all of us. what happens to me, when life takes a turn of some sort, is that I feel like a failure at my "to do" goals. the momentum stops. the good habits stop. I totally stall. what if I also had a "to be" goal? something that wasn't dependent on life happening to me? what if I had a goal like this: I will work at being kinder to the people I work with or I will persevere through slumps or I will be more playful with my kids? anyways, it's an idea - one that will have to simmer in my brain for a wee while!

all that on a saturday!

o.c. pt 2

they are all going to be okay. summer. taylor. the cohen's. the cooper's. off to college, new babies, new houses. all okay.

man, I am going to miss my show.

o.c.

I am going to miss seth & ryan and "the gang". [watching right now...I'll let you know how it ends!]

finally!

okay, how many times have I said THAT lately??!

finally. report cards are done.

finally. sell-a-bration is over [pretty much!]

finally. it's teacher's convention - which I LOVE AND ADORE!!! [okay, so it's not until next week, but I love it so much that I am counting the sleeps!!]

finally. it's thursday night.

finally. my beloved oc is ending.

finally. 3 whole days of good eating.

PHEW!

oh! and some new pics of nate chompin' down on some ice cream.

swimming...

deeply in the sea of assessment, curriculum and reporting. when I resurface, I will reconnect & do some catching up!

a good day though - 1260 calories...trying a new thing. I'll let you know if it works!

tomorrow: more water & hopefully I'll be 80% done my report cards. optimistic, a bit. but, you know me...that glass is always half full!

if you were asked

...for your top itunes to be posted on the "celebrity playlist" what would you choose & why? okay, here's how you play: 2 choices - post yours on YOUR blog or post yours in the comment section of my blog or email me and I will post it here on my blog: cori[dot]fraser[at]shaw[dot]ca! if you post on your blog, ask your readers to do the same...lets see if this can go some places & more importantly, if I get some great new song ideas!!

here I go:

1. ben harper: steal my kisses [live from mars disc 1] - ben has that smooth, simmering, sexy voice that is just chalk full of all sorts of hurt and longing and all things passionate. I love all of his stuff, but when he does this song live, well, it's like no other!

2. natasha bedinfield: unwritten [unwritten] - this is the song I play when I am needed some creative inspiration. I like the lyrics, the hook, the whole 9 yards...and I love british pop, so it goes without saying that she would make this list in some capacity!

3. the clash: I fought the law [the essential clash] - this song just makes me want to dance...so when I hear it I crank it and usually pick up a kid and just jump around...be warned, though, it's the kind of song that just sticks itself to the inside of your brain and won't let go!

4. tim hughes: beautiful one - turns out, I have a bit of a crush on this man...something about amazing song writers with low, tenor voices. if I had to say that I had a hero-mentor-person I admire in the christian worship community, it would be tim hughes [okay, and robin marks as well, but that has more to do with the irish accent]. this song makes me sing aloud. every time.

5. third day: God of wonders [offerings ii] - love this song, but I love the way third day does it just because [okay, other than buddy's excellently low, gravely voice] of the little part in the middle where they cut to "holy, holy, holy" [the hymn]. I think that bit of tribute to the old through the new is brilliant and totally up my alley in all things worship. plus, this version is live and michael tate [of dc talk fame] does some of the vocals!

so many things.

do you believe in signs? omens? the word omen is just another word for sign. we seem to associate it with "bad signs" or apprehension, but in the old days, it just meant...well, this is what dictionary.com says: "anything perceived or happening that is believed to portend a good or evil event or circumstance in the future". k, enough of the tech talk!

a couple of things have happened over the last few days.

1. at church, week before last, andrea did the leading and she talked about the parable of the talents - the guys with 10 & 5 investing theirs and doubling what they had and then the guy with 1 [who hid it and got sent to the lake of burning fire!]. we talked about the kingdom of God and what that is and to be honest, I can't even remember all the things we talked about and the conclusions we came to...but it's important, nonetheless...trust me!

2. I had a talk with a friend/mentor about my career future. we were talking about the alchemist [the book] and how the universe [God] conspires to bring us good things. God wants to give his children good things...we just need to ask [okay, so I know my theology isn't all explained here, but you get the idea..."we have not because we ask not" and all of that]. bottom line. I just need to ask. new job assignment. a four-day week. I need to ask.

3. I downloaded the whole read the bible in a year podcast. guess what it was today...yup, the parable of the talents. think it's a sign? mmmmm....

4. I also downloaded a sermon from htb [I am having a bit of a love affair with british things right now]. now, I have only listened to the first half, but buddy [seriously, I have no idea what his name is] starts talking about dreams - that God wants to use us, but so often we dream too small.

okay, so on their own...nothing huge. together, mixing around...a sign. do I know what it all means? heck no. but my eyes are open and I am asking and waiting for God to show me.

mmm...

lots of stuff in my head. so much so that I almost don't know what to write about. however, I know that I must - my head is just a TAD cluttered, so bear with me.

bottom line, I've been neglecting my soul. I have been working very hard at balance - family, work, health, me - and I haven't really been doing a great job. a decent job, yes. a great job, no. I've consciously worked hard at not bringing school work home so that when I am at home I can have "boy time". I also have been working hard to improve my health and fitness, which in turn has decreased my stress and increased my creativity. so, all should be well. right? yeah, seems like I am more miserable and cranky than before. and the scale keeps going in the WRONG direction. so the question needs to be asked: what am I missing? my relationship with God is being neglected. and really, that is the glue that holds it all together - no wonder I am feeling cranky.

I was talking with erika a while ago and we were talking about losing weight and sin. if I know what I am suppose to do, yet continue not to do it, then it's sin. when I overeat, knowing how bad it is for me, then that is sin. when sin is present [and let's be honest, we all have it], repentance is needed. and somehow, I am unable to ask for it. why? I know God is faithful to forgive, but it's like I have it in my thick head that I am somehow undeserving. okay, so technically, I am undeserving...but not unworthy. I have done absolutely nothing to deserve God's grace or His forgiveness, but He loves me nonetheless and is just waiting for me to come to Him. so why is that so difficult? grrr. my stubbornness drives me CRAZY. I am SO being like nate right now, yelling at God, saying, "I CAN DO IT MYSELF!!!" all the time knowing darn well that I so cannot do this - lose weight, keep the balance, be a great wife and mother - without God.

so I was listening to a podcast this past week. mosaic, in los angeles. and the sermon was about soul cravings. the scripture that he mentioned was in psalms: "O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water." [ps 63:1] it got me thinking that there are a lot of things that I crave: chocolate, coffee, affirmation, love, acceptance, satisfaction/fullness. and nowhere on that list is God. so the list needs to change and the list will change when my focus changes. and my focus needs to change today. so as of today, I am going to make a relationship plan: a plan that will bring me to a place where I am craving God - His word, His spirit, His presence. I am going to start with downloading the bible on my ipod so that I can get a daily dose of the bible on my way to school. I think I will start with this one step this week. I also want to endeavour to comment on the scripture I am reading/listening to on this blog. and in there, I know what I really need to do to repair this relationship from my side. repent. make things right. come to my creator - broken, undeserving, alone.

the way I see it #189

"leadership requires relentless preparation. you cannot predict every possible challenge. but if you prepare for those challenges you can predict, you will be better equipped to handle all problems, even the unexpected ones."
-rudolph w. giuliani

it's been one of those weeks

not to sure if I can even talk about it...just lots of little stresses and not enough sleep. I did make some cards tho...

okay, so I only made one card, but I prepped for a workshop tomorrow night and I decided that I need to take care of this on coming sore throat...so I am stying home tomorrow. I just feel so incredibly tired, but unable to sleep...ha! gotta love it.

did some stampin' today...

gotta love the getting rid of the stress the old fashioned way...the one with the big pieces is a case of this card!

the way I see it #162

the test in life is not how far we go, but where we stand. will we give in to selfishness and fear, or seek for others what we demand for ourselves: dignity and an equal chance? [robert shrum, political strategist]

interesting...

is it possible?

is it possible that maybe I am on the road to recovery? recovery from eating CRAP, that is! today is the first day in a really long time, where I feel like I've successfully conquered the crap [picture wonder woman deflector arm bands flashing through the air!]. it's 9:00 and I have eaten less than my allotted 1500 calories...and more importantly, I am not hungry. also, last night, 10 push-up...IN A ROW! yippie! another big success, we finally dealt with nate's pre/post supper tantrum. head on, no holds barred. to be honest, most days, I am too exhausted to really deal with his attitude. no good excuses, but it definitely is easier in the moment to let things slide...then it turns into a water slide of rushing nastiness! well, tonight, I had enough...and decided that if I can deal with paper-eating-big-kids-in-three-year-old-bodies, then I can deal with my for-real three year old. I think it's the low voice, "I'm not going anywhere" thing that I have mastered over the last while.

AND, I stamped tonight. we are putting a basket together for "bids for kids" - the theme is "red", hence the red cards!

Day 29:

"Get back on track. Slip ups are normal and they don't mean failure. Instead of beating yourself up for your mistakes, tell yourself that one error doesn't mean much. Don't wait until tomorrow, next week, or next month to get back on track start right away. Put your mistake into the past and move forward. Even the most successful people in the world make mistakes!"

yeah, but they learn from their mistakes. I, have been using this whole "mistake" notion as an excuse. yup. done with this one.

Day 30:

"Everything is a choice. You choose to watch TV instead of walking, or to de-stress by eating instead of talking to someone. Before you act, stop and ask yourself if this "solution" will really help you in the long run."

hence my motto. I cannot blame anyone for the choices I make because everything is a choice. and today, I am choosing a life free of addiction. a life free of guilt and shame. a life that is God based, not me based. today, I chose to live, not die.

a couple of tidbits

Day 28:
"Create your reality. The mind doesn't know the difference between imagined events and reality. Picture success. Try goal-related affirmations each day and your behavior will reflect what you want to be."

mmmm...picture success, eh? let's start with actually remembering my goals...the ones I was suppose to post everywhere!

so, got an email from mike tonight...[hence the picture!] and it looks like he's participating in a gallery showing - WAY TO GO, MIKE!! hehehe! I went to the cube website and it looks like they are doing some really interesting things...makes me wish I could see it in person. I absolutely adore mike's work...his pictures and his art. as the proud owner of both, I am really pleased that he is able to show his work off! the web addy is: http://www.cubegallery.ca/

what else is new the world of cori - NOTHING!!!!! I live such a boring life for the most part...maybe this week will prove me wrong!

it's been a couple of days...

I really try to blog daily, but that doesn't always happen. I had a make & take night on wednesday...only susan, jen & yvonne, but a lot of fun, nonetheless! then last night was rachel's workshop...that too, lots of fun - and in my books, that's what stamping is ALL about!

this morning, I donned my long underwear and headed out to my walking class. I've missed the first two classes, so this is my first time walking more than around a mall in a long time. 6km in -15 weather. good thing I was geared up! funny thing about being out in the cold for an hour is that 5 hours later, I am still cold...I think a REALLY long, hot shower is in order! now, for the days I've missed!

Day 24:
"Do less. Bombarding yourself with too many goals can be stressful. The more items you focus on, the more each task suffers from a lack of priority, attention and accuracy. Whittle down your to-do list to focus on what is really important."

As crazy as this sounds [and I know that most of you will question my sanity], I seriously believe that I am doing less. eeeekkkk! don't throw tomatoes! I am talking about my goals. I think for the first time, I have simplified them.

Day 25:
"Celebrate milestones. While your long-term goal may be to lose 50 pounds or more, each pound lost is one step closer and each deserves recognition! Call a friend or write in your journal. You never know who you may inspire!"

funny, I was just thinking today that I hadn't told everyone my big news: at my class on monday night, I did 10 push ups!! YIPPIE!!

Day 26:
"Get the right tools. Sticking to your goals may require some supplies, like good shoes to exercise or finance software to reduce your debt. Choose the tools that keep you safe (first and foremost) and help you measure your progress."

mmmm...like all the winter walking gear I bought this month?

Day 27 [TODAY!]:
"Add variety! To prevent boredom, try new things. Enroll in a class, find a local support group, try a new workout, or anything that keeps you excited."

I think I am doing this fairly well...and joy suggested this morning that I do this dance club with her and my mom in april! I think I will...

not bad, for a tuesday...

one kid off his meds
one ready to transfer out
one in crisis over his mom [not serious, but crisis nonetheless]
but overall, an okay day.

Day 23:
"Make yourself a priority. You do a lot for others, but tend to neglect yourself. Give yourself the care, attention and love that you need. Your goals are important and you deserve to take time or yourself each day in order to achieve them."

yup. yup. yup. I actually had a really successful eating day today. that feels good. I also went to my class last night...and although I am SO SORE, it's a good sore; therefore, it's ALL good!

the supplies for tomorrow's make and take are all cut, now I just need to design a 6x6 page to demo at rachel's show on friday night. hard to always do boy pages...and I wish I had the big blossom from sab, because I could totally do a cool kissing thing, not that I can't with other stuff, but it just wouldn't be as big and cool. maybe I will recreate the front cover of december's stampin' success...

off to try!

I stand corrected!

2 people read my blog, and I am so grateful for the BOTH of you, being that you bring so much to my life and give me quick kicks to the butt when I need them!!

Day 22:
"Learn something new that inspires you. If you want to quit smoking, for example, read about successful quitters whose lives have improved, or about how smoking affects your health. Find new, specific tips for your current stage."

I re-learned something today - too much fiber + not enough water = TOTAL GUT ACHE!!! I also re-learned that to do the opposite of what you know is right, is sin. yup, just plain ol' sin. so, repentance is required. God & I have been doing some chatting...give me a couple of days to get my head around this whole thing.

ahhhh!!

since no one but susan reads my blog...THANKS SUZ [and if you do, 'fess up!], I'll give a shout-out to shonnette...way to birth the big ones! and congrats on wee simon!!

Day 21:
"Share your knowledge. Could someone else benefit from what you've learned so far? Acting as a mentor can strengthen your own commitment to your goals and inspire others to create positive change in their own lives."

don't ask me to do this until I can walk the talk.

I've been lazy...

with my daily blogging. I have a whole week of "calendar topics" to write about, so you'll have to bear with me. [keep in mind I am a tad distracted by a naked dancing boy...yes, naked, dancing and singing "I like to move it, move it"]

Day 15:
"You're halfway there! Today, look back on your progress and reevaluate your goals. Are you on track with your time line? Is your goal still important? Are you motivated? Make changes to your goals, if necessary, to keep the momentum going strong!"

okay. no progress. the scale has not budged. well, it's budged, just not in the right direction. grrr. some progress overall with my goals though. I have gone to my class 3 out of 4 times. I can do about 8 push ups. I guess I am feeling a bit discouraged as I write this because it's been a bit of a challenging eating week. over on my calories most days and it's like I just can't get that part of the puzzle in the right place.

Day 16:
"Avoid saboteurs. People will try to persuade you to go against your plan, whether they feel guilty themselves or jealous of you. Ignore them. Share your goals with positive people and stay away from these topics around the negative ones."

can I say that school is a saboteur?? yeah, especially on thursday's - snack day. grrr. can I blame school though? nope. no one is forcing me to eat that cookie.

Day 17:
"Write about your motivation in your journal. There are many reasons you chose your goals—better health, self-esteem, or happiness. Put all these reasons on paper and read them when you need motivation."

my motivation. this is a really tough one. maybe because I've never let myself be really honest about this. do I want to be skinny. yup. I have this warped idea that skinny people are happy people. THIS IS A BIG FAT LIE. size, wealth, career, marriage, kids. none of those things make a person a happy person. they bring joy to life, but real happiness comes from a much more intense, mysterious place. a relationship with God - creator of the universe, lover of me. the me who is fat. the me who is jealous of all skinny people who eat cookies on thursday's. the me who is self-depreciating. the me who is scared silly of being skinny and is my worst sabotager. the me who is not whole. a relationship with THAT God, my God is what brings happiness. so, what is my motivation? I want so badly to be one of THEM. one of the skinny people. to hell with health & wellness...let me stop, because I could rant forever [honesty is HIGHLY overrated!!!]. not to hell with health - I want to be fit. healthy. to live long and enjoy my kids. I want to be healthy [which leads to skinny-ness...hehehehe!]. ALL OF THAT to say this: my main source of motivation is my health. I don't want to be a bad example for my children and I want to be alive and moving in 20 years.

Day 18:
"On a calendar or spreadsheet, place a BIG sticker, star or check mark on every day that you met your goals or took positive action steps. Over time, your calendar will become a visual reminder of your progress towards that long-term goal. It will also remind you that the occasional bad day doesn't have a major effect in the long-run."

ohhhh!! I could do this! I have a calendar, I have stickers. better yet, I HAVE STAMPS!!!

Day 19:
"Find a goal buddy. While your support group should still be in place, a person who is striving for the same goal can offer greater support, inspiration and accountability. He'll count on you just as much as you count on him."

not a lot of applicants on the last job offer I put out there...any one interested in this one??

Day 20:
"Visualize. Sit comfortably, breathing deeply, with your eyes closed. Envision yourself reaching that goal. How has your life changed? How does it feel to accomplish it? Picture all the steps you took to reach that point and believe in yourself."

interesting thing happened this weekend. I was feeling rather fat and miserable, then I saw a picture of myself from the beginning of the summer of 2002...it's amazing what losing 25lbs will do. I can't beat myself up too much. although I have been at a standstill for 9 months, I have still been a big loser. other thing, I saw this girl at this thing I was at this week and I thought to myself, "I really want to look like THAT"! I can also see my skinny ass in "THE SKIRT", the WONDERFUL, super-gorgeous black skirt that hangs in my closet!

I pulled out the camera...

I love pictures of the boys playing...they both had their shirts off and they were rolling around!! such fun!

a few more days

Day 13:
"Take advantage of technology. Sign up for motivational emails or text messages, set reminders on your computer, or have a friend call and check in on you. These little things will keep you focused no matter where you are."

anyone up for the job??? yeah, you THINK I am kidding...but I'm not. if you want to apply as motivational coach, just email me!!

Day 14:
"Reward yourself. For each milestone you reach, plan something fun. Rather than using food or skipping a workout to celebrate, stay on track with: new clothes, a massage, a vacation, movie tickets, a book, a day off work, or a gym membership."

I have reward issues. I am not a good saver. I don't save money well, I don't save treats, I just am not a good saver. AND I usually use food as a reward. yeah - that doesn't help. I am working on it though. I got an old navy gift certificate from my parents for christmas and I am saving it to buy something when I get down to 189lbs. THIS is my immediate goal, that really isn't seeing a ton of action. I need to go back and read my posts from days 1-3.

this week - we're working on the water. 3L per day, EVERY day this week.

and on a better note...

okay, not really better, just cuter! ty is teething and awake at 10pm...but here are some pics [literally taken mere minutes ago!!]

I so need to blog...with a glass of wine in hand

but I don't know where to start. and be warned...this is LONG!

I have a couple of days of calendar things to comment on, maybe I will start with that!

Day 10:
"Don't expect perfection. You will mess up, make mistakes, and forget along the way. The key is persistence and a willingness to learn from your mistakes. Focus on what you have done right instead of dwelling on the negative."

yup. this came on the wrong/right day. aunt flo is here for a visit, and she came with a vengeance. chocolate & dr pepper. my pms vices. good to know that I honour my cravings and cut myself some slack...grrr.

Day 11:
"Practice saying, thinking and writing positive things about yourself. Acknowledge and take credit for the things you've done well, and recognize your abilities and talents. Keep a list to add to, think about, and read to yourself daily."

oohh...this is a tough one. I am so self-depreciating that I forget to say, think & write positive things about myself...I always fear that someone will pop up and say "yeah, you think you're good at THAT...well, let me tell ya honey, you're NOT". big insecurities. k, here's a list:
1. I am a reflective person & know how to be fairly honest with myself about myself
2. I am a good mother and wife - and I have wonderful kids and an amazing husband
3. I am creative...I am decent at the piano, I can stamp up a flurry, I can put together a sharp looking web page, I do totally fun, creative things with my kids at school...
4. I am a good teacher

that's the list for today!

Day 12:
"Develop a plan B. Work, travel, or kids will disrupt your routine, so create alternatives walk during lunch, choose healthy fast foods, or wake up earlier. Doing something is always better than doing nothing."

okay. after the day after I had today, I need a plan B. let me give you the run down on my day.
7:00 - leave the house with the boys [coffee in thermos, cheerios in baggy!]
7:35 - drop the boys at john's mom's house
8:00 - arrive at school, drink my coffee, eat my cheerios, finish paperwork that is due at 9am
8:30 - take a handful of kisses from a HUGE bag in the staffroom, eat while I am rushing to finish my paperwork
8:40 - bell rings, kids come to class. paperwork, coffee & kisses...all finished!
9:10 - call from the office telling me that I have to meet a student when she is dropped off [we'll call her K]
9:20 - start explaining the CAT-3 [a big ol' test] to my students when I get a call that K is needing an escort into the school
9:30 - K tells me that if anyone looks in her direction she will punch the f***ing sh** out of them
9:35 - I lock all the classroom doors in the elementary wing of the school
9:36 - K is pounding on the window of my classroom door yelling obscenities
9:40 - joy and I approach K to talk to her
9:42 - scott joins us
9:45 - K puts her boot on her fist and breaks the window
9:47 - we carry K down the hallway to the staffroom in a restraint and we get verbally assaulted by a 10 year old girl [bee-astard, crack head...all sorts of new ones in addition to being threatened with all sorts of harm]
10:20 - a staff member from the group home finally shows up, I debrief her
10:35 - K is escorted out of the school
10:40 - carol hands me a coffee [she sent her TA to tim's, knowing I would be in need of one!]
11:05 - my kids are done with computers and I debrief with them
11:30 - the car dealership calls so that I can give them a complete run down on what EXACTLY happened on my way to school yesterday when my car broke down
11:35 - yvonne's turn to pay for lunch...we go to the pita pit and I have a falafel pita [YUMM-O!]
11:50 - back at school...another handful of kisses
1:55 - recess. some more kisses and a diet coke
3:30 - leave school [grab up some more kisses for the road] and go to superstore to pick up supper & a bottle of wine
4:10 - get to john's mom's house to pick up the boys
4:30 - leave her house
4:35 - dealership calls again...they are going to replace the alternator
4:40 - in line at tim hortons. more coffee is needed
4:55 - finally have a coffee [and let's be honest, cor...2 donuts] in hand
5:30 - pull up at home
5:35 - pizza in the oven
6:00 - wolf down 2 pieces of pizza and a glass of wine
7:00 - chase supper down with a chocolate letter.

yeah. I need a plan B. any ideas??? seriously - the best idea will win a prize.

argggg!

I so don't feel like blogging. LOL gotta love it when it starts like that, eh?

"Create a motivational collage. Find inspiring pictures, encouraging words and quotes, or anything that reminds you of your goal. Glue it all together and place it where you can see it daily. This is your vision a clear, motivating, and energizing reminder of who you want to be."

I am way too exhausted to do this tonight, but I want to do this...sooner than later. maybe if it goes well, I will post a picture. I am in debate on whether or not I should stay up for house...but it's house...how can I not??

oh yeah, and the blizzard is a-coming...or at least according to all the weather people. :o)

yup. it's called a blog.

"Start a journal. This can be a simple notebook or a computer document. Use it to track your progress, record your successes and learn from your mistakes. When you have a bad day, use it to remember why you chose these goals and how far you've come."

:o)

boy lesley worked us hard tonight...I planked, baby! and 6 push-ups; aiming for 10! and although it is still before 9pm, I think I am heading to bed. first day back at work always drains the energy!

small post, long day! GOOD NIGHT!

I almost forgot today...

okay, well not the day, but I almost forgot to blog my goal calendar thingy! tomorrow is my first day back at school...not too sure if I'm excited or dreading it. well, dreading it would not be saying it correctly. I am worried that the whole "taking care of me" thing that I have been working on will fall by the wayside once the busyness kicks in! mmmm.

day 7:

"Enlist a diverse support system instead of just one buddy. These people should be encouraging or knowledgeable in helpful ways, whether swapping healthy recipes, exercising with enthusiasm, or sharing weight loss tips."

k, I have a list:

suz, mom, cor, erika & all the sparkle girls!

oh, and I made a decision. looks like doing the half this summer might not be a great idea with my holiday schedule [oh, poor me!!]; so my mom suggested to work on my 10k and do speed/strength work so that I would do a better job on a half the next time I do it. not a bad idea.

day six

"Share your goals with family and friends for invaluable support and assistance. Confiding in them is a powerful motivator for helping you remain consistent and persistent. Some may be willing to modify their own lives to help you giving up soda or watching the kids while you hit the gym, for example."

I think that I do this well...well, for those who actually read my blog & hold me accountable! yesterday was a great eating day. my calories were at 1575 when all was said and done and I drank 12 glasses of water! yippie!!

I updated my su! website...thanks for the reminder, suz!

oh, I forgot nate's pic!

a sad, sad day

remember yesterday, when I was talking about the oc? yeah. check THIS out. grrr.

I stamped yesterday! and the boys created some wonderful works today! [and no, ty did not spell his name or draw the happy face...he did the more abstract part of the art!]

day five

okay, so I re-thought my action plans. on my first 2 goals, my action plans are already in place. on goal #3 [only intaking 1500 calories] I need an action plan. here's the plan: eat a high fiber, high protein breakfast...something that will sustain throughout the morning...or at least until recess! at recess, have a small snack...since lunch is only an hour later - like a cadbury thin chocolate...only 100 calories, and a bit of a treat. pack & eat a healthy lunch [which isn't usually a problem] and know that on friday's I do lunch with yvonne...and that's an okay thing!! for afternoon recess, have my cheerios - filling, snacky & low cal...and if I am having some 3:30 food issues, stop for JUST A COFFEE...and if starbucks calls my name, just get a tall sized fancy drink, not a stinkin' venti! I know if I follow this day-time plan, there is lots of room for supper and room for a snack in the evenings. I have to endeavour to not eat after 8pm...maybe a goal John & I can work on together.

day 5:
"Make a realistic timeline to stay on track. Deadlines turn wishes into goals. Give yourself adequate time to complete each action step and choose a date when you hope to reach your overall goal. If you haven't started working on your goals yet, today is the day!"

okay, as far as the eating/calorie thing goes...I want to be in a groove by the 19th...that is the friday of the end of the second week back at school. all my exercise starts back on monday [yippie] and I want to be strong enough to do 10 pushups [with no crashes] by the last monday in january! my financial goals will have to start happening in february [when there is money to finance things with!], and after some conversation with john!

just so you don't think I totally forgot my third goal from day one, I haven't. it's just one that is more long term and doesn't need immediate attention. it depends upon goal two, since paying down our line of credit will inable me to go back and get my master's degree...hopefully in the 2008-2009 school year. I'm still praying about this one.

guilty pleasures...

guilty pleasure #1: the OC. okay, PLEASE do not think less of me even though I stoop to the 2000's version of 90210...but I totally LOVE this show!

guilty pleasure #2: hot dogs. so I don't eat that many of them in a given year, but tonight for supper, I had 2...even though they put me TOTALLY over my calorie limit.

guilty pleasure #3: stamps. yes, I know you all know about THIS one, but I am just coming out and announcing that I am finally the proud owner of the paisley background stamp!!


"Develop an action plan for every goal. For example, a healthy eating resolution may involve: earning more about good nutrition, visiting a dietitian, finding ways to adapt your recipes, buying containers to pack lunches, learning how to prepare new foods, and planning extra time for shopping and cooking. Don't overwhelm yourself with every action step at once, but focus on a few things each day."

I think I have an action plan for my goals, especially the first one. I have my punch card for my class & I am planning to be able to do 10 push ups without crashing by the end of january. I am also registered for my walking class. now, if I had done what I was suppose to do yesterday, I'd have my goals in front of me and therefore be able to comment on the rest of them! yeah, I put that paper in my bag! I'll look them up and do an "action plan" on the rest of them.

day 3

"Post your written goals in places where you'll see them often—on your computer or fridge, in a picture frame on your desk, as a bookmark, and in your wallet. These reminders will help you stay focused and on track."

good idea! I will do this right now...

on another note, I had a bit of a past moment thingy today. coffee with kathy at starbucks in chapters on whyte, a walk past susan & shonnette's old apartment, a whiff of that soap place under the parking lot next to o'byrnes [ahhhh, the distinct smell of lush!!]...talk about having all sorts of memories flood back. but for the grace of God, go I.

so I was listening to some music...

in my car and this song came on, rather unexpectedly. and even more unexpectedly, I began to cry. maybe this is my theme song for this upcoming year. especially the last two lines of the second verse. that's how I feel all the stinkin' time.

Sometimes the night was beautiful
Sometimes the sky was so far away
Sometimes it seemed to stoop so close
You could touch it but your heart would break
Sometimes the morning came too soon
Sometimes the day could be so hot
There was so much work left to do
But so much You'd already done

Oh God, You are my God
And I will ever praise You
Oh God, You are my God
And I will ever praise You
I will seek You in the morning
And I will learn to walk in Your ways
And step by step You'll lead me
And I will follow You all of my days

Sometimes I think of Abraham
How one star he saw had been lit for me
He was a stranger in this land
And I am that, no less than he
And on this road to righteousness
Sometimes the climb can be so steep
I may falter in my steps
But never beyond Your reach
[Rich Mullins, Sometimes by Step]

day 2

"Are your goals specific and positive? Rather than vowing "to exercise" for example, reword each goal so that it is clear and measurable."

okay, here are the specifics:

I will go to my exercise class 2x per week & I will do my walking class on Saturday mornings. I will do a 10k this spring and the 1/2 marathon again this summer.

When I buy fancy drinks at starbucks, they will be a tall size, instead of grande!

I will track my calories daily & keep to 1500 calories.

John and I will put $400 on our line of credit, every month and $100 will go into our savings account.

I will only use my SU profits to buy new product.

Happy 2007!

okay, I am going to cave. I am not usually one for new year's resolutions, but this year I am going to try something new. I downloaded a goals calendar from sparks people and for everyday in january, I am going to journal the points they mention. so....here goes!

"Happy New Year! If you haven't yet settled on your top goals for the year, do so today. Writing own your goals (in specific terms) means you're more likely to achieve them."

my top goals are as follows:
1. actively work at losing weight
2. pay off debt
3. figure out my career

NOW, on another note, last night was a ton of fun...there is nothing like just relaxing and hanging out with friends [and family!]. it was a nice evening, and for that I am so grateful! okay, well, except for the fact that my kids were up WAY too late & are super cranky today...grrr!!

a few pics!

so, I've been fairly stampy lately :) I thought I'd share a few of my newest creations!
the first two cards are the same design, just different colours [I ran out of bashful blue...grrrr], but I kinda like the cool carribean one better. who knew!

the day of the eve of the last day of the...

okay, well you get the idea! I love new years eve day. almost as much as christmas eve day. people are friendly out and about. there is an air of anticipation, hope and promise wherever you go today. people are excited and happy. I like that. okay, well I guess it's easy for me to comment before I even head out the door. I will report back...when I get back!

eta: okay, I lied. people are miserable. grrr. doesn't mean I can't be happy, right?? SWEET!

I was doing okay until

I went to someone else's house and ate their crap. no seriously. yesterday was like my all-time best eating day in like 3 months. then I left my house. then all the resolve and strength and everything I had just turned to dust in my hands. wrong. just wrong, I say. k, so going cold turkey on the no sugar thing doesn't work for my psyche. but do I have to go overboard? every time? like all the treats in the world are going to be gone forever? yeah, no. one treat. one delectable little treat. one that is savoured and enjoyed and loved in the moment. it's always going to be there, wherever I go. like an alcoholic or a coke addict, the craving will always be there in some form. it's what I do with it that matters. I just don't need to eat like I will never have again.

not too sure what I should title this one!

k, so I've spent the day doing nothing. not quite nothing, I have tided the kitchen - sorta, surfed the web for all things entertainment-ish/gossipy, played on scs, surfed everyone else's blogs, drank a shmuck load of coffee, watched the boys play, missed the sunrise [we were all still in bed at 10:30 this morning!], but watching the sunset [yeah, at 3:40...gotta LOVE edmonton!]. okay, so it's not like it's nothing, but nothing really productive. it's okay to have days like this, right? I did make a few phone calls today too...even better! have I thought about dinner??? yeah, nope. I am thinking about running the dishwasher...that would be productive. I am going out tonight...stamping at katherine's house. what can I say - boring life! and I LOVE it!!

today I have been working hard at drinking all of my water. I have had 4 glasses already, and a bottle sitting in front of me. mmmm. not feeling too motivated!

I've been thinking of listing in my blog the other blogs that I visit daily - would that be cheesy? maybe I should host a blogger-licious contest with prizes...would that be fun? mmmm. all the things a person can do!

nate is playing "going to connie's" and ty is throwing bottle lids around the living room. that means he got in the drawer...gotta go!

some thoughts

so, my christmas cards will officially go into the mail tomorrow. I have to be honest, I have christmas card issues. who to send to...just out of town folks or friends and family. so, I am sending out a general apology to all of you who do not get a christmas card from the fraser family this year. a couple of things may have happened: a) I ran out of cards; b) I ran out of stamps; c) I just saw you in person; d) all of the above; e) what the heck am I doing worrying about christmas cards on boxing day for???

on another note, I am now back to speaking "ctu": "the only reason you're not dead is because I don't want to carry you", "is that an active protocol?", "chloe, can you run an interface on that?"...yeah, it's awful around here [hehehe!!]. we are re-watching season 5 in anticipation for season 6 in...18 days!

and have I told you how much I LOVE the new iPod that has become a member of our family. little nano is making all of us happy!

I finally feel like I am back to normal...4 days after school was out - that's how long it takes me to decompress [another "bauer-ism"]. I've had some good sleep and some time with a decent book and a ton of coffee...all that with the boys screaming around me. I am so glad that life can get back to normal so quickly! SO, if you are dying to do coffee, give me a hollar...I am around all week. alone. with kids.

some more pics!

thanks mom, these rock!

pics from the last few days!

above all other days...

I love christmas eve. and I miss some of the traditions we had when we were kids. it used to be that we'd all pile into the van and go to my oma & opa's church on christmas eve, listen to the solders on the radio as we passed all the houses lit up on 137th ave. and maybe most memorable, going to oma & opa's house to open gifts and eat treats [dutch treats that we only got once a year - like marzipan or those little chocolates in the shapes of wreaths]. a couple of years ago [maybe just 2 years ago] it was decided that christmas eve would be at uncle hank's house instead. it just doesn't feel right. that was the same christmas that was john's mom's first christmas alone, so it seemed proper to start creating our own traditions with our own kids. so tonight, for the second year, we are going to spend christmas eve with john's mom. we'll open the gifts that the boys get from us, with her. and when all is said and done, we will try to make it to uncle hank's...just because. even though the tradition has changed, the people have not.

it will be a strange gathering without marcy & andrew and the kids. marcy is the "get-everyone-together-and-keep-the-conversation-going" sibling. we're going to miss that this year.

so tired

I feel negligent. I have neglected my poor blog and the blogs of others. school is finally done and I am so exhausted. and I feel bad - I still haven't mailed out christmas cards; they're done, just not in the mail yet. and I've totally neglected my friends as of late...stuck in my own little world. it's only 7:30, but my bed calls. how sad is that? if I go to bed now so much stuff will just not get done...and who feels like wrapping gifts on christmas eve? yeah, not me. oh, and there is laundry that is calling my name. and yet, in light of all things good and special, my issues seem sorta insignificant and selfish. and if y'all are going to hold it against me that christmas cards didn't show up...well, you get the idea!

ANYHOO...
Suz, I just read your blog...I haven't been just not calling all week - I seriously had no idea. and I am really sorry.

and Shelley - thank you for the kind pm :o)

a good saturday night!

so we took the boys to see candy cane lane tonight...it's quite warm out, and the lane starts just a few blocks away. we bundled the boys up in their winter gear and headed outdoors. nate LOVED it and ty has decided that he can say the word santa - yeah, great going! good times, though...and that I enjoy!

not too sure even where to start

I think this has been one of my most intense teaching weeks of my career. as a result, I feel like I am in an impasse. I know without a shadow of a doubt that God has a plan for me and I know I am doing what I need to be doing with my life, but at this moment it just doesn't feel like it's enough. maybe I am just in denial about the spiritual aspect of my job. or maybe I am in tune with it and that's why this week was so incredibly difficult. I have a little girl in my class who is in so much crisis that I am paralyzed by my concern and so totally annoyed that I've let it get to me and on the other hand, know that if it didn't get to me, I would have to quit teaching. she has been an on going concern and this week it came to a head. her mom has no support network, no one to lean on and she is trying hard, but she's alone with a high, high needs child. and in all of the hurt and pain for this little girl and her mom, I keep hearing the words "hold on. perservere." how do I do this? how can teaching hurt so badly and affect me in such a raw way? I feel like this week has brought me to a crossroads. an impasse. I am on the verge of a huge career move. am I quitting teaching? yeah, not on your life. I have toyed with getting my masters degree in assessment, reading, special needs but I have decided I need to do crisis work with kids. okay, I didn't say that correctly. I already do crisis work with kids. I need to continue. it's okay to feel bad. it's okay to hurt. and it's okay to care. and cry. and do whatever I can to be Christ in their lives. I have thought about the path I need to take with my career and whether or not I would move in to a mentor/consulting role or whether I would pursue administration. I chose the latter. I need to remain in school. I need to stay where I am. I need to talk to Chris. and I need to go back to what I know: my job, my ministry, my life was made for this moment. I need to just perservere through the pain and grow into the woman-teacher-mother-wife-sister-daughter-friend I was born to be.

a new pic!

jen emailed this to me at school...we got to swing by her house on halloween & her mom and dad spoiled the boys and hauled out the camera! ty wouldn't let go of the coffee crisp...good taste in candy, I say!

I hate being sick...

it hit like a punch in the gut yesterday afternoon and only now do I feel half-way normal. not too sure if it was the flu or that gingerbread latte just hated me, but either way, it wasn't pretty. I feel bad leaving my kids at school for yet another day, and turns out they were fairly awful for the sub, but that isn't my fault. I just need to remember that. ah, the angst & guilt felt by mothers and teachers. speaking of which, why it is 10 pm and my kids are still awake??? grrr. that's what happens when nate falls asleep in the car!

speaking of which, I tried taking some pics of the boys this weekend; I'd like to get a christmas picture happening! it always happens that someone isn't smiling or doesn't looking at the camera.

k, so starbucks and I...

have a thing about the mug. now, I am not talking about just any run of the mill mug from the dollar store. no, no, no. the mug, the holder of the finest liquid known to man, is an art form. I want to be able to caress, with love, a mug that makes me happy. to wrap my hands around a mug that is pretty. it somehow makes coffee taste better. starbucks. now they have the mugs. I found one today - okay, so I found several, but I only bought two...one for me & one to ship to the queen of purple, 'cause it's purple. ANYHOO, I found a new mug and I am enjoying just looking at it! how crazy am I? yeah, don't answer that!

a few more pics!

I took these ones of ty last night...he LOVES nate's new hat! he was loving his new mittens, as well!

it's been a while...

boy, does life get out of control [busy!]. here are some pics from last night!

big smiles

nate & I took some pictures the other day...it's sometimes hard to get him smiling on camera; that's why I love these!

hi.

hi. my name is cori. I have issues. bread issues. grrr.

so, I've been off this week with a sore back & I've been following doctor's orders by icing & walking. but it's been sore. really sore. but I digress. so this morning, I drove john to work and had a thought. a cinnamon bun thought. an "I don't care if they are 467 calories" thought. the I-need-one-right-now thought. so I drove past cobs. wasn't sure if they were open yet & I didn't feel like getting out of the car so I just keep driving. phew! well, came home and the need for a cinnamon bun was still forefront in my little brain. so I had an idea! [yeah, once in a while...!] if I walked to cobs, I could justify a cinnamon bun. two birds, one stone...good thinking. it's a really chilly, fall edmonton morning. only 2 degrees and it's all cold and misty and the leaves are just crunchy as you walk...mmmm! k, so back to the story. I walk all the way to cobs and I begin to have some guilt issues. yeah, not about the cinnamon buns but about my bakery of choice. yes, I am purchasing yet again from the competition. THAT was my guilt issue. to make up for this, I've decided that I will take a trip down to bee bell just to make up for all my cobs purchasing. k, so my mind works in strange ways.

I get to cobs, all guilt aside, and I order my cinnamon buns and what do I see??? a scone. not just any scone. it's a still-warm, cheese & chive scone. yeah, I bought one. so, I walked home, crunching the leaves with my feet, letting my warm scone melt in my mouth. and my cinnamon buns are sitting on the counter. untouched. alone. do I want one now? heck no. nothing can trump the scone.

told ya I had bread issues.

the back ally...

now, most back allies here in edmonton are boring, garbage-laden or down right creepy. but ours, well it just lifts my spirits to drive down our back lane, especially when the leaves are so pretty. it's surrounded by old fences, older trees and orange leave galore. absolutly beautiful!

and speaking of backs...mine is not great. in fact, I don't even know what I did - maybe it's sharing the bed with a sick 3 year old. regardless [because irregardless is NOT a word], it HURTS!!!

thankfully though, this weekend has been pretty low-key. and in a bit, we will be heading to John's mom's house for dinner. and to watch the football game!

my nate...

I think I love these pictures!

I am SORE!!

I went to my second class with lesley. and now I hurt...BIG TIME! it's a good hurt tho, so I'm not complaining, but tomorrow should be fun. school exhausted me today & I lost it on the kids today...it was just not a good scene - they just wouldn't settle down enough and a few of them were just off, more so than normal. good thing tomorrow is a new day, fresh with no mistakes in it...for all of us! so, I'll try again tomorrow, and just hope for the best.

also, I took some pics of nate yesterday...I'll go load them up :)

so...

I got some great pics of ty today! none of nate, but there is always tomorrow...

some of the news...

so this week has had it's little events, to say the least! we got word this week that we were approved for financing on a new vehicle. john's car has been in major need of replacement, so we are buying a pontiac wave...little, cute & in blue! we get to pick it up on thursday!

also, I started a new exercise class this week - totally great fun. I think I will endeavor to go on monday & wednesday nights, and cancel my gym membership. I haven't been to the gym in over a month, so why bother paying for it, when I've found something that I really enjoy? not to mention, lesley is a hoot!

and the weather has been SUPER! I am going to take a walk this afternoon...maybe with ty! we'll see [about the ty part!]. I really want to get some pictures of the boys playing outside in the leaves...

a nice fall sunday...

we don't have church this morning [daryl & marge are away], so we are just taking it easy with the kids. nate is being nate & ty has a cold [he was up in the night, so very sad]. this week has been a little nuts for us - in fact, the last few weeks have been crazy, crazy, crazy. admittedly, I have been far too busy for my own good.

this weekend has been nice. nate, my mom & I went to the market yesterday morning. friday night, john & I went to the football game [sad outcome, but nice night!]. last night john, nate, my dad & dan went to the hockey game...nate was HYPER!! his very first hockey game.

and then there is school. there is a fine line, in my mind, between playing the game - balancing all the balls in the air, making everyone happy - and just wanting to scream and tell people that they are acting like they are in junior high. and these are not the kids I am talking about. I feel like I have created a position for myself that I don't really want...the knower of too much. people tell me things. I need to just learn to keep my big mouth shut. [yeah, like that is going to happen.] bottom line, I need to not be afraid to be honest with people, because for the most part, I really like the people I work with and I honestly care about them. I am always afraid. afraid that people won't like me. afraid that they don't think I am good at my job. afraid , afraid, afraid.

here in lies my problem in life. fear.

I just finished reading "the alchemist" by paulo coelho [be warned, everyone is getting this book for christmas!!]. coelho talks a lot about the fulfillment of one's personal legend, or doing what we were created in life to do. there is one quote though that sums up my struggle in life: "there is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure".

it's been a while!

okay, so I've been thinking. crazy, I know. I went for a long walk last week [the start of the week when it was still nice and fall-ish, not rainy & cold & generally miserable] and had a bit of a moment. I was doing the stairs into the ravine when it occurred to me that I am the only one responsible for the changes I want to see in my life. so, I guess it's going back to the baby steps. I am aiming this week to track all my calories, and NOT cheat on that! and wake up 15 minutes earlier than normal so I can eat breakfast at home and not on the run. I still need to cut the calories & add in the exercise, but that will come...I'll focus on the baby steps for now.

oh, and I'm FINALLY reading the alchemist...wowzers!

ARGGGGG!

okay, now, where did I leave off??? I didn't really check the blog before writing more. k, here's the deal: when I don't write, I don't keep myself accountable. I may be busy, but there is nothing more important than...well, this. this is my life line, my accountability. I am an addict. a junkie. I love food, I love eating, I love over doing it, I love not thinking and being numb to everything. so here's the deal. I can admit it and do nothing, or I can admit it, own it, and change the fudge out of it. I really need to go back and re-read all my posts when I was kicking butt.

I am just SO slumped in so many ways. numb is the word. I HATE IT! so this last month has been out of control busy & this last week has topped it off with some other sort of crazy. I need a BIG kick in the butt. no more excuses. and just be exceptional in my own life, for me. and above all, I need to slow down and just enjoy the ride.

so, here's my commitment to you: I promise to blog. to stay connected. and I think to stop my love affair with sugar.