it's been a while...

boy, does life get out of control [busy!]. here are some pics from last night!

big smiles

nate & I took some pictures the other day...it's sometimes hard to get him smiling on camera; that's why I love these!

hi.

hi. my name is cori. I have issues. bread issues. grrr.

so, I've been off this week with a sore back & I've been following doctor's orders by icing & walking. but it's been sore. really sore. but I digress. so this morning, I drove john to work and had a thought. a cinnamon bun thought. an "I don't care if they are 467 calories" thought. the I-need-one-right-now thought. so I drove past cobs. wasn't sure if they were open yet & I didn't feel like getting out of the car so I just keep driving. phew! well, came home and the need for a cinnamon bun was still forefront in my little brain. so I had an idea! [yeah, once in a while...!] if I walked to cobs, I could justify a cinnamon bun. two birds, one stone...good thinking. it's a really chilly, fall edmonton morning. only 2 degrees and it's all cold and misty and the leaves are just crunchy as you walk...mmmm! k, so back to the story. I walk all the way to cobs and I begin to have some guilt issues. yeah, not about the cinnamon buns but about my bakery of choice. yes, I am purchasing yet again from the competition. THAT was my guilt issue. to make up for this, I've decided that I will take a trip down to bee bell just to make up for all my cobs purchasing. k, so my mind works in strange ways.

I get to cobs, all guilt aside, and I order my cinnamon buns and what do I see??? a scone. not just any scone. it's a still-warm, cheese & chive scone. yeah, I bought one. so, I walked home, crunching the leaves with my feet, letting my warm scone melt in my mouth. and my cinnamon buns are sitting on the counter. untouched. alone. do I want one now? heck no. nothing can trump the scone.

told ya I had bread issues.

the back ally...

now, most back allies here in edmonton are boring, garbage-laden or down right creepy. but ours, well it just lifts my spirits to drive down our back lane, especially when the leaves are so pretty. it's surrounded by old fences, older trees and orange leave galore. absolutly beautiful!

and speaking of backs...mine is not great. in fact, I don't even know what I did - maybe it's sharing the bed with a sick 3 year old. regardless [because irregardless is NOT a word], it HURTS!!!

thankfully though, this weekend has been pretty low-key. and in a bit, we will be heading to John's mom's house for dinner. and to watch the football game!

my nate...

I think I love these pictures!

I am SORE!!

I went to my second class with lesley. and now I hurt...BIG TIME! it's a good hurt tho, so I'm not complaining, but tomorrow should be fun. school exhausted me today & I lost it on the kids today...it was just not a good scene - they just wouldn't settle down enough and a few of them were just off, more so than normal. good thing tomorrow is a new day, fresh with no mistakes in it...for all of us! so, I'll try again tomorrow, and just hope for the best.

also, I took some pics of nate yesterday...I'll go load them up :)

so...

I got some great pics of ty today! none of nate, but there is always tomorrow...

some of the news...

so this week has had it's little events, to say the least! we got word this week that we were approved for financing on a new vehicle. john's car has been in major need of replacement, so we are buying a pontiac wave...little, cute & in blue! we get to pick it up on thursday!

also, I started a new exercise class this week - totally great fun. I think I will endeavor to go on monday & wednesday nights, and cancel my gym membership. I haven't been to the gym in over a month, so why bother paying for it, when I've found something that I really enjoy? not to mention, lesley is a hoot!

and the weather has been SUPER! I am going to take a walk this afternoon...maybe with ty! we'll see [about the ty part!]. I really want to get some pictures of the boys playing outside in the leaves...

a nice fall sunday...

we don't have church this morning [daryl & marge are away], so we are just taking it easy with the kids. nate is being nate & ty has a cold [he was up in the night, so very sad]. this week has been a little nuts for us - in fact, the last few weeks have been crazy, crazy, crazy. admittedly, I have been far too busy for my own good.

this weekend has been nice. nate, my mom & I went to the market yesterday morning. friday night, john & I went to the football game [sad outcome, but nice night!]. last night john, nate, my dad & dan went to the hockey game...nate was HYPER!! his very first hockey game.

and then there is school. there is a fine line, in my mind, between playing the game - balancing all the balls in the air, making everyone happy - and just wanting to scream and tell people that they are acting like they are in junior high. and these are not the kids I am talking about. I feel like I have created a position for myself that I don't really want...the knower of too much. people tell me things. I need to just learn to keep my big mouth shut. [yeah, like that is going to happen.] bottom line, I need to not be afraid to be honest with people, because for the most part, I really like the people I work with and I honestly care about them. I am always afraid. afraid that people won't like me. afraid that they don't think I am good at my job. afraid , afraid, afraid.

here in lies my problem in life. fear.

I just finished reading "the alchemist" by paulo coelho [be warned, everyone is getting this book for christmas!!]. coelho talks a lot about the fulfillment of one's personal legend, or doing what we were created in life to do. there is one quote though that sums up my struggle in life: "there is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure".

it's been a while!

okay, so I've been thinking. crazy, I know. I went for a long walk last week [the start of the week when it was still nice and fall-ish, not rainy & cold & generally miserable] and had a bit of a moment. I was doing the stairs into the ravine when it occurred to me that I am the only one responsible for the changes I want to see in my life. so, I guess it's going back to the baby steps. I am aiming this week to track all my calories, and NOT cheat on that! and wake up 15 minutes earlier than normal so I can eat breakfast at home and not on the run. I still need to cut the calories & add in the exercise, but that will come...I'll focus on the baby steps for now.

oh, and I'm FINALLY reading the alchemist...wowzers!

ARGGGGG!

okay, now, where did I leave off??? I didn't really check the blog before writing more. k, here's the deal: when I don't write, I don't keep myself accountable. I may be busy, but there is nothing more important than...well, this. this is my life line, my accountability. I am an addict. a junkie. I love food, I love eating, I love over doing it, I love not thinking and being numb to everything. so here's the deal. I can admit it and do nothing, or I can admit it, own it, and change the fudge out of it. I really need to go back and re-read all my posts when I was kicking butt.

I am just SO slumped in so many ways. numb is the word. I HATE IT! so this last month has been out of control busy & this last week has topped it off with some other sort of crazy. I need a BIG kick in the butt. no more excuses. and just be exceptional in my own life, for me. and above all, I need to slow down and just enjoy the ride.

so, here's my commitment to you: I promise to blog. to stay connected. and I think to stop my love affair with sugar.

okay, so about this week...

school has started [for teachers] & I am already grinding my teeth. although I am not really comfortable with talking about it in such a public way, I have been making a SERIOUS effort to be truthful and authentic with people. it's hard to speak the truth, but it's the only way I can do my job and feel good about myself. as it stands right now, it's going to be a tough year for that kind of thing. I just really need God's grace in this...and patience.

the family reunion was super fun, relaxing and just a nice time. some of us hiked down to the lake [see the picture I posted a couple days ago!!] and hung out at the super blue lake. we stayed in an rv [so unlike john & I]. we played with the boys. we spent time family. we drank a lot of baileys. it was all good.

marcy & andrew leave on sunday.

it's been a crazy week. and I'll post one more picture!

don't feel like much...

there is way too much going on right now, and I don't really know where to start or how to process, so I will spend some time blogging tomorrow. in the meantime, here are some of my FAVE reunion pictures [which was a really fun time, btw!!]...

and this is how I really feel...

I am just feeling so utterly overwhelmed right now.
tired.
sore.
headachy from all the sugar I've had tonight.
prepped for tomorrow night.
frustrated.
happy.
sad.
are there other emotions?

this summer has gone by way too fast. I went with the boys today to their new dayhome. and of course, nate loves it [she has cool toys]. and ty loves everything. I so wish I only worked a 4-day week. then all in the same breath, I am SO ready to go back to school. I know I should cut myself some slack over my parenting skills. I am not perfect. nor will I ever be. nate has been driving me nuts - I know it is a combination of me being tired, pms-ish, on a mission, and him being 3. I just want to enjoy my last few days home with them, not be annoyed and frustrated and crazed by my wonderful, moody, loving 3 yr old. and then there is ty, whose new thing is giving kisses. I love those boys. and so thankful for them. and I always want my face to light up when they enter a room. enough about that - I am making myself cry.

I am watching the messengers on tlc right now and this quote just caught me...I typed it as I heard it and maybe I am here, down here, watching tv late at night for a reason: "live your life making change, not waiting for it" [cornelious flowers]. so as always, time for a kick in the butt - quit mopping, cor. get a grip. stop waiting for it all to come to you & start making it happen.

we're MOVED!!!

YEEHAW! And here are the pics to prove that I have pictures up on the walls [okay, so none of these pictures prove that, but y'all know that I do!!]...so glad the hard part is OVER :)

they're driving me nuts

the kids, that is. ty has fallen off the couch 3 times this morning. nate pushed him one of the times. every toy in the house seems to be "owned" by nate, therefore anything ty touches...well, you get the idea! I know a huge part of it is being cooped up in an apartment filled with boxes. although I totally understand all of nate's confusion, it still doesn't excuse the behaviour. where is my camera...this is almost photo material! here it is: both boys fighting over toys in the midst of boxes!!

at least I got a ton packed yesterday! now to see how much I can get done today...

some pics from the race

WE FINISHED!!! and I hurt SO badly, but we kept a steady pace & came in at 3 hrs, 25 minutes!! this pic is of rae & I before the race started. I think there is one lone picture on Ben's camera of us finishing the race. what an amazing experience. john & ben & all the boys were at the top of groat road cheering us on, my mom & joy were on 149 st cheering us on, and my dad, joe & karon were a block before the finish cheering us on. the other picture is of the boys coming to cheer on their moms!

there were a couple parts of the race that were really tough. I had a hard time with groat road for some reason...funny since we walk it all the time. then the big hill out of mckenney ravine. I had to seriously talk to myself about that one...gave myself the persevere speech, listened to the driving beat of the music, and let myself be cheered on by absolute strangers. and I did it! then the last 2 km. who knew 2 km could be so long and hard. I literally had to will my legs to keep going. a tough mental battle, but seeing rae in front of me [I was slowing down, she was sprinting to the finish!!] keep me going. then, crossing the line. the beep of my shoe tag, my name being announced, all the well wishers. and WE DID IT! and I would do it again...and might just do it in february.

I had a huge soak in dad's hot tub this afternoon...and tomorrow I will be working out all the kinks while I pack some more. regardless, it is 9:20 and I am so incredible exhausted...so heading to bed!

persevere

I can see the marathoners from my front window, crossing the 107 st bridge. and I had some strange dreams in the night. although I do not consider myself very competitive, I think this race, today, could change that. I am just so excited about participating, doing, being active. the fact that I know my body can do this. it's exhilarating. ben & rae will be here in mere minutes to pick me up...and in about 1 hr, 15 minutes, I too, will be crossing the bridge. which brings me to my title. perseverance. hold on. don't fear. you can do it. you can finish. peresevere.

W427

that's my number for tomorrow's race...who would have thought that I'd be doing a race?? how totally bizarre is that? john & I got so much done today - the boy's room is completely packed, as is a lot of the rest of the house. it was so nice that aunty & uncle eric took the boys all day. we also went to the market this morning...boy, did I know a lot of people! the honey lady, the pasta girl, ran into joe [cousin] & the guy that we met at irene's st patty's day party, but whose name I cannot remember. john & I also went out for a nice dinner tonight. mmmm! and tomorrow is really the big day [can you tell that I am a bit amazed??]. and on that note, I should be heading to bed. I will have to fill everyone in on the rest of my week...the hit & run and all of it. but like I said...heading to bed! GOOD NIGHT!

2 more sleeps!

until we start walking...21k! I can't believe that it is almost here...all the training & walking & hills & time in our shoes! unbelievable!

8hrs

well, he let me sleep! and today has been a pretty good day all the way around. off to do some web tweaking - I have some sites that need to be worked on, and hey, anything not to do packing!!

although I am really too tired to do this right now,

if I don't I will lose what is in my head. two things happened to me today. okay, let me clarify. they did not happen to me, I had the tv on! first, I was watching TLC's "the messengers" and the topic tonight was perseverance. just what I needed to hear at the end of the worst eating day I've had in a really long time. there were 2 speeches that totally had me in tears - robert rutherford [supposedly not his best speech, but the content had me tearing] & cornelious flowers, who started his speech with: "don't tell me what you can't do" and ends with "tell me what you can do - persevere". on a night where I have crapped out on my life by going back to my old habits of stuffing my face insead of going to bed. I am so exhausted, yet not in bed. grrr. I am out of sorts, but the message I can't get out of my mind is the one of "persevere. go on. you can. don't fear."

and then there was the other show I happened to catch tonight: weighted [tonight was jocelyn]. I am so tired, I can hardly get all my thoughts out, but I am feeling inspired to make good choices for tomorrow. jocelyn said something in the show tonight that resonated with me. it was something like "the only difference between the me then and the me now are the choices I make".

well, it's off to bed for me...'cause you know nate will be up super early. grrr. maybe the mom will get a bit of reprieve tonight and have good little boys who will let her sleep in!!

I should be packing...

but instead I am stamping & watching a TON of tv! okay, so I've been hitting the gym this past week HARD CORE...and it's having some payoff's. although I still hate exercising, I am feeling better about myself, my health, my heart, my legs...you name it. I am feeling super good about me right now. I have lost another 4lbs [finally back to my end of June weight...grrr!] but still not under 190. double grrr. I have to say, it's not from a lack of trying.

august is turning into a crazy, busy month...moving, packing, cleaning, school [getting ready for], walking, family reunion, stamping, stamping, stamping. I am a bit discouraged that I don't have any workshops booked for this month, but that's okay...not too sure when I would fit that in with everything else that needs to get done.

john & I have been making some pretty big financial decisions as of late, as well - a bit stressful to finally have to be adults, when really I still want to be the kid. we need to buy a car & we need to responsibly deal with some of the debt that we are in. pray for us as we make these decisions. as everything good in life, it takes work. I am realizing as I take this journey in losing weight that other issues in my life are bouncing to the surface...and that I need to deal with them in the same fashion as I am dealing with food. expose the problem, take responsibility for my choices, talk to God, talk to john, deal with it head on. so far, so good...but I could really use your prayers. change is hard - internal, especially. the external is just a bi-product of the internal. God is good though, and faithful and for that I am so thankful!

about yesterday...

okay, so the day started all peaceful and mild and enjoyable...and ended there! nate has not been getting enough sleep as of late, and it is showing BIG TIME. we went to a birthday party yesterday afternoon and by the time we got home he was just exhausted. then this morning, I think he would have slept a couple of hours longer, but ty woke him up at 6am. ty just wanted a bottle, but then nate was really awake. grrr. at least ty naps in the afternoon - I wish nate still did!

we did go to the gym this morning, so the boys got to play in the daycare & burn off some energy. I walked 5k on the treadmill - hills! yippie!! the workout is done for the day. our half marathon is in just under 2 weeks and I am starting to get a bit worried about that. and, I need to start packing. john's mom is taking the boys a couple of afternoons this week - wed & thurs...so packing will be in order [after my dentist appointments!!]. and so the fun begins!

a sunday morning...

boys are up, the incredibles are saving the world, ty is eating, nate is playing. I like sunday mornings like this! we are leaving soon...so I'll finish this later!

have a happy sunday!

some cool things...

so I found some finds yesterday for the wee ones. first, this cool bib clip-y thing: www.kipiis.com basically you can attach anything to the clips to make a bib. bad thing, ty can pull it off. grrr. that's okay, it will totally do the trick in restaurant situations! second, a toddler cup: www.steadyco.com . I haven't tried it yet, but will soon! third thing: funky looking baggies - very vain & frivolous, I know...but uber cool! www.mobi-usa.com and number four: cup-a-cake. a little cupcake holder that just made me happy! I can take it to the market with me on saturday and nate will have a place to hold his cupcake! www.cupacake.com & whimsicalcupcakes.ca I like cool finds! gotta love that princess and the pea store www.princessandthepea.ca !!

a thought.

Something clicked with me last night when I was sitting around & John says to me "I thought you were going to go to the gym tonight" and I hummed & hawed & sighed and he said "you'll feel better if you go". Smart man! I just needed that kick in the pants. And as I was on the treadmill, I had a revelation [or a re-revelation, since I've had this one before!]: I do a pretty good job of staying within my calories, I drink a ton of water, I eat a lot of fiber, most of my diet is low fat & low sugar...so why is this such a painfully slow thing? I've been stuck in the low 190's FOR MONTHS! yes, I've been walking and training - but the key for me is the kicking into gear the whole exercise thing. I can always find an excuse, especially at 3pm or worse, 7pm. So John & I talked about affording to put the boys in the gym daycare for the month of August so that I am comitted to be at the gym every morning. He said to go for it. So, I'm going for it! It reminds me of the quote "when you fail to plan, you plan to fail". I feel like now I have a plan.

convention pics!

erika & I at the pep rally...they had this whole collegiate theme, and played some fun games. the only thing missing was an open bar...maybe I'll suggest that for next year!!

erika & I outside the riverton headquarters - in front of the crazy cool UPS truck!

this is a picture from inside the legacy museum...I ADORE this clock & this whole set up...there is also a picture of it in the IB&C [with the infamous ribbon holders, available in the upcoming mini!!]

ever wonder where that crazy paper comes from when you recieve a SU! order? that machine crinkles it all up, weighs the box & measures out the right amount of paper...I thought it was cool!

now I just need some pictures from erika because she took WAY more than I did!!

back on track!

just like the title says, today I am back on track with my eating! YEEHAW! now I just need to get off this computer & get some stamping done!

convention was a BLAST! it was SO great to spend all that time with erika, just hanging out, laughing, eating, fonduing...it was so much fun! and as much fun as vacation is, it is always good to come home. I'll post some of my fave convention pics in my next post!

my baby is three!

so we celebrated nate's third birthday today. so strange realizing that I am the mom of a three year old...who is presently crying under the door of his room because he is so overtired. grrr. we had a wonderful party this morning though...very hot at the park, but I think all the kids had a fun time.

and now for some pics!!

nate on his new bike...from grandma & opa!! [above]

nathan & nate eating cake! [below]

less than 2 hrs

nate was up at 630 this morning...grrr. good thing I left to walk with rae...8k this morning. now, I've had breakfast, my coffee cup is almost empty & I need a shower - BIG TIME!! then it is off to the airport for my big adventure!! YEEHAW! k, so I am a TAD excited! so off goes the phone, off goes the email, off goes EVERYTHING...and it's time to enjoy some me time. I'll blog if I get a chance, but I will FOR SURE post pics when I get back!

be good, kids...and call John if you are in DIRE need of all the stamps you may have ordered! [they should be here monday or tuesday!!]

in 24 hours...

I will be basking in the heat of Salt Lake City! WOW! I can't believe that I am leaving tomorrow already. time flies much too fast...but I hope this next week goes nice and slowly! it won't, but it's worth wishin' over.

I am exhausted today [whole other story] and I am thinking of heading to bed before I peeter out all together. I am walking with Rae tomorrow morning [good thing since I haven't hit the pavement since Tuesday], and then it's off to the airport! okay, off to bed for REAL!

oh, I meant to post a picture...

this picture is of sam, seth & ty...taken on whyte ave last week. SO CUTE!

and I like this one of nate peering in the window! so typical of his curiosity!

2 more sleeps!

okay, so the last few days have been busy. pedi, hair, eye appointment [which ended up coming with new glasses when all was said and done], breakfast with cor, coffee with suz...just busy! and I have to say, my kids are driving me a bit crazy. ty is teething and nate is just being 3 [so within 2 weeks, totally acting his age!!!]. although I have packed, I am having shoe issues. I have not walked since tuesday. grrr. and today, I ate like crap. and this is all disjointed because I am tired.

so, tomorrow - back on track with the eating. follow the schedule/to-do list. have lunch with andrea. spend time with the boys. drink lots of water. go for a walk. I just need to slow down a bit & enjoy the journey...although the destination is going to be SO FRIGGIN' COOL!!! [k, so I am just a BIT excited about SLC!]

about being 34...

I meant to spend some time doing my birthday reflections & goal setting...yeah, like that happened yesterday! LOL it was a good birthday - not a lot of fanfare, but some time with family & lots of well wishes from friends. I think I always send my family [mom, aunt, oma??] into a bit of a tizzy when I have a birthday, since I was the FIRST in the family & therefore a reminder of how old everyone is getting! I now get it. as I see nate get older [his birthday being in less than 2 weeks], I am reminded of how fast time flies. days can be long, weeks and years even longer. but looking back, how time just flies. maybe my goal for this year is one I have tried to achieve for many years. slow down. take time to enjoy every moment. life can get so extremely busy that it is easy to forget to live la dolce vita - the sweet life. maybe this is why I loved italy so much...taking time to have a coffee with friends, living life passionately, loving fully. we'll make that the mantra of my 34th year.

and goal no. 2...I have no plans of being unfit & unhealthy by my 35th birthday. that's a whole year to lose 40 or so pounds. yes, I have started on this path already & 25 is nothing to scoff at, but I need to remember that there is a goal in sight & not to lose heart even if I am having some clothing issues.

well, all that & it's monday now. how many more days until I leave??? not that many. I'll "blog" about that a bit later!!

I am...

officially 34 years old. how is it that I have NO feelings about this at all? I will continue this post later...john's mom just pulled up!

oh, and another thing...

6 more sleeps until SLC
13k walked this morning with rae
more than 3L of water consumed
be turning 34 tomorrow
ty is running
and new fave picture of my nate...

I stole this...and I might just love it!

I am: proud of me
I want: to not have food control every thing in my life
I have: an amazing husband & amazing kids
I wish: I didn't have to work
I hate: hot weather & cold weather
I miss: my friend coralee
I hear: the traffic outside & john watching tv
I wonder: if I am going to be able to do the 21k that I signed up for
I regret: not taking care of me earlier on in my life
I am not: going to EVER give up
I dance: with john when he is in a quirky mood
I sing: when I'm happy or when the boys need some entertainment
I cry: when I'm so insainly pissed off or completely overwhelmed
I am not always: patient with my kids
I make with my hands: all sorts of interesting creations, music, cyber places
I write: my thoughts, wishes, hopes
I confuse: needs & wants
I need: to praise more often
I should: go read a book
I start: the coffee pot with the help of little fingers, creating with no goal, teaching with no real plan
I finish: some of the things I start

I "stole" this from Lisa Johnson

phew!

k, I am wiped. part 2 of my open house is over...a good turn out again. I cannot complain. some exceptional eating days the last 3 days. good water, good food, good calories. little to no sugar [some birthday cake tonight, but I had saved up calories for that...ton'o'sugar, but not overboard]. 8 days until I leave for SLC...I AM SO EXCITED!!! gotta get a ton of stamping done tomorrow. it's ALL good.

I think I might just sweat to death...

it is FRIGGIN' hot. okay, so I can do 1 day of hot, maybe 2, but this is going on over a week - maybe 2. maybe the heat is making delusional! it got up to 33 degrees [okay, 90 something for all my american friends!!] and at 9:20 this evening, it has gone down a WHOLE 3 degrees!

alas, if the heat is all I have to complain about, I have it good. today has been a good day, other than not strapping on the sneakers to hit the pavement. john's hours at work have changed, so he was home at 3:30 today - tomorrow I am going to take advantage of that and head to the air conditioned gym to have a work out. do some serious cardio. and some hills. I have a bunch of stampin' to do this week too - nate's birthday invites, RAKs, birthday cards, other stuffs! I have been LAZY with a capital L [okay, so other capitals as well!]. the lazy stops now! I think I will get up before the boys tomorrow morning while the air is still cool, and try to get some stuff done! thursday night is part 2 of my new catty get together - I hope it's as successful [and by successful I mean A WHOLE LOT OF GOOD TIMES!!] as monday afternoon was!

oh, and 3L of water in my body! WOOHOO!

I've been waylaid...

by my crazy life! school is officially over...and now my body & my brain are playing catch-up. I had an awful walk on saturday morning with mom & rae. I did 2k this morning with nate...it was SLOW...! this heat is zapping my energy all together.

on a more positive note, part 1 of my new catty deally went really well [other than the crazy heat]. I think everyone had a fun time & in my books, that is the number 1 goal!

tomorrow begins my no sugar week...or 2! I CAN DO IT!!! I CAN DO IT! not just that, but I need to clear my head, my body and my blood of the craziness that keeps me afloat on many days!

no sugar, lotsa water, and some coffee...sounds the making of a HUGE headache; I just need to get through the first 2 days, then 1 more and 1 more...you get the idea! keep me accountable, eh?

YIPPIE!!

k, so not a lot gets me really excited. everyone who knows me, knows this to be true. a good cup of coffee in a big mug. a good idea that just might come to fruition. the smell of an old book. hugs from little boys. a homemade pizza. THE NEW SU! CATTY!!!!! it is so friggin' cool! there are not enough words to describe how much trouble I am in with this one...my creative juices are already starting to flow and I have NOTHING in hand, but a lone catty :o)

just y'all wait...and hopefully you can be excited with me!

nate's first football game

nate with his football shirt & football socks & "pack-pack" that HE had to carry! off to the eskimo game with daddy! I should have taken a picture of when the got home & he fell asleep while I was putting his pj's on! he had so much fun, watching "like on tv"!

to the market we go!

well, it is summer today! rae & I walked 10.5k this morning - we doubled a steep hill out of the river valley - and it felt a LOT better than the last time we went! yeah us!

then nate & I went to the downtown market to find some onions...turns out, no onions. that's okay. we got peppers [red, green, yellow], tomatoes, cupcakes & low-fat cookies from the cookie lady! what a fun time. we ran into katherine, as well as my aunt & uncle. maybe nate and I will make this part of our saturday morning routine! I am planning to make some burgers for supper tonight, so the tomatoes will do well! but alas, no onion.

john & nate are going to the eskimo game tonight. it's a late start, but hopefully nate will nap a bit. I, on the other hand, am going to VSN as much as I can tonight! ['cause tomorrow is ALL about finishing my school work!]

a bit of an icky day

stress. I really dislike it and haven't had a lot of it in my life over the last while, but today I was feeling it. my reaction? clench my teeth [which led to a HUGE headache] and eat. I really need to get back on track with my goals. they have really gone by the wayside with report cards, IPP's, fighting 9 & 10 year old girls, aggressive boys, birthday parties, mmmm. I need to get some perspective this weekend. I need to get my IPP's done before friday so that I can spend the weekend getting my brain back. there are 6 more teaching days of school, 3 of which are fieldtrips and the like. I can do this. I can do this without gaining ANY weight. I can drink all my water. and I can walk, walk, walk.

and now, exhaustion has hit and I need to go to bed [even if it's the first show of big brother tonight!].

start of the second period...

and we are down by a goal.

but alas, I am doing everything BUT what I should be doing - my IPP's! grrr. and I have an icky dentist appointment tomorrow morning. double grrr. and I just ate a piece of cake. is there a triple grrr?? oh well...more pics from ty's birthday.

above: new hat from aunty [it came with a matching sweater!]
below: eating blue cupcakes!!

my baby is one!

I can't believe how time flies. I remember birthing this one like it was yesterday - okay, so maybe the pain is not as excruciating as it was a year ago...but you know what I mean! my sweet, sweet boy. he's had a personality of his own since he was born. cuddly, mischievous, sweet, beautiful. what can I say - I love him to death & am constantly amused by his ability to tolerate everything his brother lays in his path. I cannot wait to see what kind of kid he'll be and in turn what kind of man he will grow up into. regardless, I know it will be a fun, trying, amazing journey along the way.

3k

instead of going back to bed when rae called me to cancel our walk, I hit the pavement and did 3k! crapola though, 'cause my knee is giving me a rough time. tonight is ty's little birthday party...that should be fun.

so, I went and bought the cd! and this is the part of the song I really like:

"staring at the blank page before you / open up the dirty window / let the sun illuminate the words that you cannot find / reaching for something in the distance / so close you can almost taste it / release your inhibitions

feel the rain on your skin / no one else can feel it for you / only you can let it in / no one else, no one else can / speak the words on your lips / drench yourself in words unspoken / live your life with arms wide open / today is where your book begins / the rest is still unwritten"

today

I'm sure I did something exceptional, but I'm not too sure what. I dealt with students fairly. talked with parents honestly. stayed after school just to hang out with the people I work with and really like and am going to REALLY miss next year when they go off to other schools. so, maybe not exceptional in my eyes, but hopefully exceptional in the eyes of someone else.

I have been feeling a rush of creativity lately. lots of things streaming all up in my head...almost overwhelming.

tomorrow is tres busy. shopping for ty's birthday, dan's birthday, father's day...lotsa stuffs! oh, and the dentist. grrr. feeling the itch. and a bit of a strange inspiration.

I was watching "so you think you can dance" last night and when I turned it on, there was a couple just starting their dance and I was SO blown away. they danced to a natasha bedingfield song that really got me thinking. and now I *need* the cd! I'll find the lyrics and post them!

be exceptional.

this is my new goal. I feel like I am really suffering from a lot of negativity right now - part of that is stress, part is just time of year, part is just me being selfish and not wanting to actually do the work I need to do.

so I have done close to 2 sugar-free days. then tonight I went to starbucks to get john a piece of carrot cake. so I was talking to the girl about sugar-free caramel machiatto's and she was telling me how they can make it with sugar-free vanilla syrup, but how the caramel on top had sugar, yada, yada, yada. needless to say, I let myself be talked into a sugar-free soy caramel machiatto with the caramel on top - WHAT'S THE POINT??? exactly. so to make up for it, I also ate a low fat brownie. yeah, that makes sense! funny thing is, when I plugged it all into my food tracker, I came out okay for calories - who knew. so as of this moment, I am right back on track...even though I will have the withdrawal headache again tomorrow. my kids at school must just LOVE me when I have that withdrawal headache!

ironically though, I got the "The Way I See It #53" cup that I always get. it starts with: "be exceptional. make tremendous efforts to be extraordinary. what a privilege to be here on the planet to contribute your unique donation to humankind. just make sure you do so..." [shelby lynn]

this got me thinking. I need to change my outlook and maybe the best way to do that is to be exceptional in my words, thoughts and actions. do something exceptional for someone. and herein lies the challenge: what can you do that is exceptional? I'd be interested in knowing. so, if you are a regular reader of my deepest, darkest musings, post a comment and let me know what you have done today.

everything but what I should be doing...

which is finishing my report cards. I have one lone subject left to do and the one piece of paper I need to do them is sitting on my desk at school. okay, so I don't really NEED the paper, it's just an excuse, but having my paper would make it easier...since the comments are on there, written out, just waiting for me to assign grades to. I could, potentially have them all done by class time tomorrow morning...well, other than my GLA for social & science. I forget how much work it all is, especially when I have other priorities. like planning ty's birthday! fun stuff!

not to mention, erika pointed out to me that hell's kitchen is on tonight... http://www.fox.com/hellskitchen/

I'm heading to bed!

but I just wanted to say a few words about my day.

I was really honoured to be invited to susan's church this morning for her baptism. I was really blown away by the whole thing. susan, you did an incredible job sharing your testimony and I am glad that I know you and that we are friends.

we had madi's dance recital this afternoon...and looks like nate is going to take dance lessons this fall with grandma! all in all, a wonderful sunday - I didn't touch any school work all weekend, but that's okay...it's 9pm, I am heading to bed and I will get a fresh start tomorrow morning.

9K today!

rae & I walked a great 9k loop today - from my house, down groat road, through government house park, over the river on the "under the LRT" bridge, up an AWFUL hill [which we will double next week], down emily murphy park road, over groat bridge, under groat bridge [lol] back through government house park, up groat road and home! PHEW! that and 1.5L of water so far...a good start to the weekend!

nate & ty are both sleeping...ty's been asleep since 11am...maybe I need to wake him up! nate & I went to lisa's discovery toys party this morning; nate really enjoyed playing in the backyard with all the toys!

and I stamped last night. I'll post some cards here. I am still feeling like I am in a big stamping slump, but hey, playing with my new dazzling diamonds was fun, fun, fun!!

grrr

I have an official funk going on. grrr. I hate the week of my period. I feel stressed, wonky, grumpy, uncreative. all funked up.

so, back to the 3 basics: eat less. move more. hydrate. I should make that 4 basics & add blogging. journaling my journey really makes me more retrospective and therefore keeps me on track.

so, here's me letting my stress go...

• as of today, my job at MGG is safe
• about 3/4 of my report cards are done - after this weekend they should all be done
• although $ is always a stress, if we stick to the plan, we'll be okay
• the dentist...okay, so it's not great, but I will go to the ortho, get all the gunk taken care of, pay the cash needed for that, live with the discomfort...
• I will get through the next 3 weeks and enjoy the WHOLE summer with the boys

okay, so I'll stop now. the boys are sleeping, john is watching something on tv...and ty is so very close to walking more than 2 steps! maybe this weekend 'cause at this time next week I am going to be all weird and emotional about my baby's first birthday!

coffee & water

as I sit here early on a sunday morning, listening to nate try to talk his way out of his room, I am enjoying a completely amazing cup of coffee! I need to enjoy more of the small things...like the 10 minutes in the morning where it is quiet, sunny and I am alone with my big mug. my legs and butt are SO sore from yesterday's walk...a good sore, but SORE!

I drank all my water yesterday - all 3L. I need to do that EVERY day! oh, and I stamped yesterday [finally got my new summer mini stamps mounted!]...even if I shamelessly CASE'ed a card in the mini!



yesterday was a very productive day [maybe that's why I am feeling good this morning]: I walked, shopped [groceries!], cleaned, susan came by [insert smile!], I went by evie's to drop stuff off for angela & to visit with her mom & dad AND got 2 cards done! this means today, I have no excuses. report cards need to be half done by the time I go to school tomorrow!

and it's Saturday again!

and only 3 more and school will be almost finished! I am so overwhelmed by the amount of work that I need to do between now and the end of this month that I am doing nothing. tonight I need to get a ton done on my report cards.

I walked close to 10k with rae this morning...we went slower than normal, but it was good to log in the time on the soles of my feet. I have had a really awful eating week this week too, so I am trying really hard to log all my food and get in all my water. constant goals, I know, but I just seem to be in a funk about the whole thing [as I sit here in my size 14 jeans...jeans I couldn't wear well 6 weeks ago]. I think that I just hate the hard work that comes with losing weight. and it is just that - hard work. well, I guess I will just have to suck it up and be sure that I am not eating to relieve my stress. water, water, water!!

tired

I haven't blogged in a couple of days - I am still feeling totally exhausted from the weekend & I am pms'ing which SUCKS big time. I have such an incredible amount of work to do over the next 2 weeks and I am letting it suck out my energy [just thinking about it, not even doing it!!]. regardless, I shouldn't complain. everyone is healthy again, ty is feeling A LOT better & the weather has been great! yet, I just feel icky & tired & bitchy. so tonight, I ate a mcflurry, which just made my belly feel icky. LOL maybe I should just head to bed!

and now...

everything is okay. ty just has an infection, no abscess, no more fever, no more IV. just tears because he is TOTALLY off schedule and he doesn't want to go to sleep.

the bump on his neck will be there for another couple of weeks, and he has to do the whole oral antibiotics for the next week, but other than that...all is well. Thank you, God.

and on another note...
WE'RE HEADING TO THE STANLEY CUP!!!! WOOOOOOOHOOOO!!!

and, all things considered, I haven't hardly walked at all this week [grrrr], but the eating hasn't been too awful, even with all the stress & lack of sleep. I'm proud of me :o)

the last 24 hours

well, the last 24 hours have been interesting, to say the least...stressful would be the better term. both john and I have strep throat. at about 130am on friday morning, ty woke up with a fever [something he was already enjoying for 12 hrs or so] and I noticed a lump on the side of his neck. john & I called health link and talked to a nurse there...she told us of some things to look for, and that we needed to take ty to the drs in the next 24 hrs. first thing friday morning [john & I were both home because of the strep], I called my drs office - they were plum full, but would call me if a cancellation came up. john and I decided that if they didn't call before noon, we would just take ty to see the dr at the medi center.

so, at noon [my mom had picked up nate] we tromped over to the medi center. 2.5 hrs later we were seen by a doctor [grrr! I HATE WAITING!!!] who promptly sent us to the emergency room at the sturgeon. they took one look at ty, his lump & his fever and called the stollery. they gave him an iv, took some blood and started him on iv antibiotics. and then we waited some more. at 6pm, an ambulance came and took ty & I to the university hospital.

to make a long story a tad shorter, he has a swollen gland in his neck - quite common for children as their immune systems are not used to dealing with different types of bacteria [like strep]; the glands overreact, then swell. they put ty on out-patient status and gave him another dose of antibiotics. we were back there at 1am for more and this morning we are heading there again. this morning, they are also going to ultrasound the gland. if it has abscessed, we are dealing with surgery. if it has not, then the antibiotics should do the trick.

regardless, keep us [and more specifically ty] in your prayers. I will post later when I know more.

a rough night

well, ty is sick...which makes me sad. he is so sad looking; he is cuddling with john right now, but he was up off and on all night. john & I are both feeling a lot better today, but I am so tired from being up most of the night. we are just waiting to hear from the dr's office [if they've had a cancellation] and if we don't hear something soon, then it will be off to the medi-centre. grrr. and we are going to need to pick up some advil too...my head is pounding. alas, a sad, grey friday all the way around.

new hair!

so I got my hair chopped last night...I had planned to go for the SERIOUS chop, but decided on a more in between cut that I am LOVIN'!! the boys and I are all sick - well, nate isn't really, but ty & john have the same sore throat that I have. misery. it hurts to talk, hurts to swallow, hurts to do everything with my mouth...except for ice cream - that tastes very good!

got on the scale today...finally, down a few pounds. I need to put the scale away until next thursday - and get back to the weighing myself once a week.

ty took 2 steps!

ALONE!!! and in Dr Fleck's office! YAH TY! [okay, so there's an excited mom here!]

it figures....

that I would start feeling sick the morning after a 4 day weekend. grrr. we were up late last night watching 24. my whole eating day was whacked because of my schedule, but I kept my calories pretty close to my goal. of course, since I ate dinner at 4pm, I was starving at 8pm. so, I started out with some fruit, then had a yogurt, then a dark chocolate cadbury thin. shoulda stopped after the yogurt. good thing today is a new day! I have my healthy lunch & snacks packed up, I got a good start on my report cards yesterday and I am feeling good about this week. [oh, and I walked 7k yesterday!!]

just a note to self: "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength"...I am going to meditate upon this verse today [and the next few days] as I know that I cannot do this with my own strength and will power. I am going to need some help from a MUCH bigger source.

it's 6:32...I'd better get going.

pics of ty - 11mos!!

me & my boys - yes, my eyes are half closed...

ty looks like he has a big 'fro in this pic - just fuzzy hair, I think!

if I could do it yesterday...[and other crazy things!]

well [how many posts have I started with that word?? first person to guess correctly wins a prize!!], I stayed below 1550 calories yesterday - and didn't feel hungry. I also had my last snack before 8pm. not bad, all things considered!

and because I like setting mini goals, these are mine for the week:
1. stop eating after 7:30 - if I feel like I am dying of starvation, I will only eat fruits or veggies.
2. drink all 3L of water - when I drink this amount, I feel better.
3. start eating oatmeal for breakfast again...this might be tough, but I am going to try!
4. accountability with erika!

oh, and some new pics of ty [who, by the way, is standing alone!!] to follow in my next post!

7k & hockey tape

so I did 7k this morning with my mom & my aunt...they went a little longer than I did, but for some reason my stomach has been giving me grief. last night I was buckled over in pain. today, I just constantly have the feeling like I could throw up. and no, I am not pregnant ['cause I know that's what everyone is thinking!].

I am having a hard time lowering my caloric intake to 1550 calories. I am hungry in the evenings without a lot of room to budge. I did a different calculation today and it put my high end more at 1650. I know 100 calories won't make all the difference in the world, but maybe it's the psychological allowance that I need. I am making a lot of changes, but the scale isn't budging. grrr. erika and I are going to talk today and make a plan. speaking of which - I am hungry!

and now I am off in search for some hockey tape - a project I am working on!!

I am SO annoyed

so john brought me a mcflurry - bad move on so many levels. I had already reached my caloric limit of 1550 & that added 630 calories...GRRRRRRR! then, after eating the bloody mcflurry, I discovered that my tooth broke. so, now I have a sub booked for tomorrow because I have to get into the dentist ASAP...I am just really hoping that they have an opening - if not, I'm SO hooped. double grrr.

I feel good!

well, a really great weekend!

John treated me to a day off on Saturday - he took the boys to his mom's for the day and I hung out ALL BY MYSELF!!! although I LOVE my boys, I needed a day just to clean the house, go for coffee, watch ER, take a nap and just spend time alone.

ty is officially done the boob...I have mixed feelings about it though. I miss my "ty time", but I am glad he is taking the bottle, as he's not been getting the nutrition that he should be getting. it's one less stress in my day as well. this, more than anything, has the biggest impact on how I nourish my body. starting today, I am cutting my calories from 1800 to 1500 per day. that is a HUGE difference for me. I am really logging all my food closely, as I adjust to this change. I am hoping that this kick starts my body into losing some real weight, as it is no longer providing nourishment for a whole other person. also, I walked yesterday - 3k & I am going to attempt a 9k tonight. I need to make me & my health a priority. I need to honour my body with what I put in it. plus, I think erika is KICKING my butt and I need catch up!!

also, I bought the Joyce Myers book this weekend - I am going to read chapter 1 tonight.

5.44!

so, my knee survived an hours walk...and after a week without walking, I also survived!! rae & I went over by her house and it felt really great to be out there in the fresh air. speed & distance still need to be improved, but hey, that will come sooner than later.

now, about the dumb-ass food. I either need to get a grip or stay fat. I so cannot deal with the latter, so I'd better get working on the first. how many friggin' times do I need to talk about it and talk about it and talk about it...FOREVER. grrr. I like how my body is starting to look, I enjoy wearing nice clothes - that are smaller and cuter and bought in a regular store. but why, oh why, in the heat of the moment, do I eat a 500 calorie scone? or 2 pieces of yummy pumpkin square? WHY????!!! I feel like something needs to click in my brain. maybe that needs to be the focus right now - little sticky notes on my desk, my water bottle, my computer, my FORHEAD! maybe I just need to get MAD.

I was watching Oprah today and they were talking to women who abused their bodies either with food...both over & under eating; the common thread was self hatred. so here's the question of the hour: do I hate myself so much that I will continue to abuse my body? and really, it's not even mine, but created for me to take care of. do I really have that much anger and hatred towards myself? I don't think I do, yet the way I treat myself seems to indicate something else. this bothers me...as does my attitude as of late. bottom line, I am not liking all my negativity right now. it is coming through in my relationships with my family. it is coming through in my classroom. it is coming through in everything and I SO don't want that.

so here's the deal, cor...SMARTEN UP! GET A GRIP! and in the words of Winston Churchill, "never, never, never quit". and even better, in the words of Paul, "it was for freedom that Christ set us free". and just because I can't resist, in Mel Gibson fashion, FREEDOM!!!

give it one more shot

john & I wrote out our goals for the next week - portion size & workout schedule. it helps to have him on-side with the goals, then he can work in my favor. and suddenly all my struggles this week have made sense - I HATE PMS!!!

I was emailed this artical today: [thanks, sparkspeople!]

Persistence. Persistence. Persistence.
"We keep hearing about how persistence is often the key to success. But what do you do when you've been striving for so long that it seems like your goal is never going to see light? How do you deal with the fear that you're about to fail? Simple. Give it just one more shot. And then one more. Think about the sweat and time you've committed already. You've come this far, you'd be unfair to yourself if you quit without a fight. Even if the odds are way out of your favor and you can't see how it can possibly help, reach out and take one last swing. You never know what will happen. Big, meaningful achievements don't just happen when everything goes your way. How many times have you seen tennis players make miraculous winning shots while lunging for a ball that seemed impossible to reach? Sometimes, you can find victory in the effort."

a standstill

well, I have been back at work for a full month and I have discovered that I am at a standstill. although my exercise has increased my quality of eating has decreased. part of that is having to bring a lunch, coming home late, having to worry about food for the boys, fitting in time to grocery shop...I could go on. regardless of the reasons, there are a few things I can do. for this week, I am going to make a couple of mini goals.

1. drink 3L of water a day [I've been slacking on this] and try to drink this water before meal times.

2. portion sizes - I am going to do one of two things: pack smaller potions or just eat half. this includes the skill of listening to my body and getting in tune with my hunger/saity feelings. although this may appear to be tougher to do than counting calories, it will be something I can do when what I have to eat may not be the best quality. am I throwing good eating out of the window? heck no. I will endeavor to choose healthy, quality, filling food whenever possible.

maybe this can kick me out of my standstill and get me moving in the right direction once again.

another 6k & some more pictures!

well, I did 6k tonight...and although I am sore, I FEEL GOOD! I walked with aunty, which was really nice, but the weather was SO great - sunny, cool, a bit of a breeze! a 10 minute kilometer, not bad all things considered. and I think Rae & I are going to do another 6k tomorrow - we'll walk from my place down groat road and see if we can make it across the river!

and then there are some more pics of nate...hehehe!! the gap commercial waiting to happen!

and a few more!

and a couple more of my faves!

a few pictures...thanks Irene!

I really like this one!

I cropped this one a bit [I couldn't stand the angle of my face...so vain, I know]

an odd little day

so today was a bit off the mark - I went to the gym this morning [that was good], then I was at an inservice all day - not great food choices...literally. you could choose one thing for lunch [pizza] with some salad [caesar]. and lunch was at 1230, an hour after our usual lunch time. not so bad, but I was STARVING...I hate feeling like that. needless to say, not a great eating day so I think I will have some eggs and toast for supper. the game is on in mere minutes!

OH, and good news...I got some of the pictures from Irene - WOW! THEY ROCK! I'll post a couple!